Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, none of us had any idea that our grandfather was a huge racist until I brought my new girlfriend over to a family gathering, and he started yelling because she's Indian, some of the most disgusting racial slurs I’ve ever heard. We left when it looked like he might actually hit her. FML
Today, my racist grandmother was complaining that the new nurse at her nursing home is a black woman. I casually asked, "Is she cute?" I'm now out of the will. FML
Today, my grandmother tried to lecture me about discrimination. This is the same woman who lies about her grandchildren's race, and tried to convince a Jewish person that the Jews were responsible for the Holocaust. FML
Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML
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Top comments
Mmkay1515 21
Introduce her to your black boyfriend.
ozpunker 20
It's funny how often sweet old grannies are hardcore racists.
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Comments (99)
jeragonm 15
I love your Grandmother!
usrtrn 5
oh f*** that! its the home for her
Needafarm 22
If she pays for the home fine. Otherwise leave her to her devices. I am sure the Ku Klux Klan has a free place to keep her.
ilovesarcasm 18
That's no fun though. You don't stick people like that in a home amongst people they're okay with. I would put that racist old Hag in a home so culturally and ethnically diverse, she'd curse the day I was born. She would cause no trouble either for fear of being beat up, and would keep her nasty mouth shut. People like that are cowards and deserve it.
AlexxS_fml 4
"Whip the piss". I'm totally using thattt
Storia30 9
Please don't use that; It is so not hot.
taketheL12 5
Wow she sounds awesome lol
blackvyper 8
Your gran must be fun at parties.
MuppetMerkin 10
Your grannie is hilarious! Instead of kicking her out, you should get her on video! (No being racist isn't funny, but old people spouting nonsense is)
nightbirdblue 27
Well that seems to be a correlation with anyone with high levels of prejudice for certain groups of people. They seem to believe that because they feel so strongly that other must at least slightly agree.
wvcheesehead1 9
...but he is iron man, he can't burn in hell.
VeganVampyre 26
Nope, he'd just melt.
onorexveritas 23
I feel sorry you have to be related to someone like that
Ibeatmyself 3
I would date only black or Asian girls ....wait I already do that