Today, my daughter asked me to join the Army so that she wouldn't...

By Anonymous - 20/08/2019 00:01

Today, my daughter asked me to join the Army so that she wouldn't have to see me anymore. She's four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 219

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demix_fml 32

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Tuesday 20 August 2019 0:11

Kids say the strangest things....😶

acmariner99 25

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Tuesday 20 August 2019 1:34

I don’t think the Geneva Convention approves of child soldiers.

Comments

demix_fml 32

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Tuesday 20 August 2019 0:11

Kids say the strangest things....😶

acmariner99 25

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Tuesday 20 August 2019 1:34

I don’t think the Geneva Convention approves of child soldiers.

EmDizzle2007 28

Tuesday 20 August 2019 1:45

this is a good take.

Weslea Sanchez 12

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Tuesday 20 August 2019 12:27

Unless you straight up ignore them, but at that point the US, Britain, France, or the UN is probably overthrowing your government

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 20 August 2019 4:15

Tell her she’d see you again. You’ll be coming home with a gun and PTSD. Is that what she wants?

spillmybeans1 5

Tuesday 20 August 2019 7:12

I think you took a joke a touch too far.

jbuckets_404 38

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Tuesday 20 August 2019 9:03

Why, is she already in the Navy? ;-)

0neiros 14

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Thursday 22 August 2019 21:58

She's FOUR, so not a bastion of intellect to be taken seriously. Tell her because she was mean to you, they killed a puppy at the dog pound. Got to keep the next generation of therapists employed you know.

Sarah Emmons_80368934 6

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Tuesday 27 August 2019 5:36

My kids an asshole too 🙄🙄 she’s not even 4 yet

Nearly

Today, I was at the movie theater, and an attractive woman was working the concession stand. She was so beautiful, I accidentally tripped over my tongue and asked for cop porn instead of popcorn. I was so embarrassed that I left immediately. I don't think I'm ever going to a movie theater again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 29

Today, it's my favorite grandpa's memorial. I live on a different continent and couldn't afford the flight ticket since he passed away 8 years ago, I couldn't even visit his grave, and never got to say goodbye. I miss him so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, I found out my 15 year-old daughter is sexually active. I found out by finding her in our bedroom with a boy from her class, using one of our condoms. Her dad hasn’t spoken or moved from the kitchen table in over 30 minutes. I think he’s so mad his brain glitched and got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 62

Today, after 2.5 years of being single, I locked eyes with a cute girl. We were the same height at 6'1 so we joked that if we had a baby, it'd be huge. After some flirting, roughhousing, and making out, she gave me her number, and told me to bring condoms to her place. Then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 109