Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, none of us had any idea that our grandfather was a huge racist until I brought my new girlfriend over to a family gathering, and he started yelling because she's Indian, some of the most disgusting racial slurs I’ve ever heard. We left when it looked like he might actually hit her. FML
Today, my racist grandmother was complaining that the new nurse at her nursing home is a black woman. I casually asked, "Is she cute?" I'm now out of the will. FML
Today, my grandmother tried to lecture me about discrimination. This is the same woman who lies about her grandchildren's race, and tried to convince a Jewish person that the Jews were responsible for the Holocaust. FML
Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML
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Top comments
Mmkay1515 21
Introduce her to your black boyfriend.
ozpunker 20
It's funny how often sweet old grannies are hardcore racists.
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Comments (99)
McNikk 15
A lady like that disrupts your household like that shouldn't be allowed to visit. I would avoid inviting her again if I were you.
McNikk 15
*Insert a "who" between "that" and "disrupts" and remove the second "like that". I really need to start doing better at proofreading my comments...
9lashes 15
Forget disrupts the household shes talking shit about Robert Downey Jr. >.
davidlyster 4
Woo, Vinyl!
ironichalibut 24
"It takes different strokes". Unfortunately that includes the strokes that led us to some of the worst world problems. Maybe a different kind of stroke is on her horizon.
Alexweber929 14
Is it just me or are there a lot of cat pictures on this website?
olpally 33
She'll be dead soon anyways. Lol. xD
RoseBlack123 37
You're right. No tea parties with her!
syki 22
I'm think OP was mainly referring to the Tea Party, not a lovely afternoon repast. :P
RoseBlack123 37
Oh... you're probably right. Sorry about that!
AthiestNun 11
"By the way, would you like a cookie?" "No Grandma just lea-" "Made with ALLLL BLEACHED flour none of that BROW-" "LEAVE GRANDMA."
Ameel_fml 19
That reminds me of a story my dad told me once. His father (who I never knew) used to tell him when he was little not to eat brown bread/sugar/etc because it would turn him into a black man. Even now, 60 years later, my dad still doesn't eat them. Obviously he knows it isn't going to change his race, but it's amazing what years of brainwashing can do to a person. :(
AthiestNun 11
Racism is something I wish we as a society could abolish completely.
laden_swallow09 35
That would be great, but blind idealism and wishes never did anyone any favors. /I/ wish we could be rid of all the willful ignorance, but I can guarantee you that racism and bigotry will always be a facet of human existence, whether we embrace it or not. Therefore, I propose we take time to exercise ourselves in sound reasoning to distinguish logical fallacies to make an argument about it – not to win, because dumbasses like them who condone racism never ever really listen, but merely to show anyone near who these people are, ousting them so others may avoid them. It's not going to be pretty and they won't go down without a (sometimes physical) fight, but it will at least take them down a notch or two to see that those bullies are a minuscule minority, even if they seem to be the loudest.
SWC_Penguin 17
Pretty soon we're gonna get an FML that just says "Today, my grandma visited, FML" and we will all feel sorry for that person.
alphatoomega 21
Well, they think we either secretly agree with them or need to be converted to their bigoted stance, so of course they're going to talk about it a lot.
simplysarcastics 26
Its your house, and you don't have to allow her racist ass in. Tell her in your house you love everyone and no disrespect against anyone will be tolerated. You gotta avoid people that are negative and closeminded they can try to bring you on their level, and op nobody likes a racist ;)
adammeyer 4
Lmao, I love her!
notforbirds 9
Robert Downey Jr. played a black man? That's honestly the one thing that caught my attention
juliaannw 11
You sir have missed out the legacy of Tropic Thunder.
kemic 7
To be fair, he plays an australian who gets plastic surgery so that he can play the role of the black character in a movie, in the movie "Tropic Thunder." It's a good watch. Cheesy, but good.
Metallica36176 16
Movie-Race-ception. Hes a white man who plays an Australian who plays a black man in a movie about making a movie. :D Robert Downey Jr is just an awesome badass.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
You went full retard. Never go full retard.