Animals: Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog,... - FML

20/10/2014 03:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 981

You deserved it 2 775

Late term

Litter

You're my mommy now

30/03/2016 06:53 - United States - Manchester

Today, I introduced my long-distance boyfriend of 2 years to my friends. I told him how my friends jokingly call him my imaginary Internet boyfriend. He thought it was so funny that when they met, he claimed to be my cousin, saying that I paid him to pretend to be my boyfriend. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 823

You deserved it 2 924

22/09/2014 01:27

Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 673

You deserved it 2 772

14/12/2016 23:22 - United States - Erie

Today, I made dozens of cookies just in time for Christmas. When I went to take out the last pan from the oven, I slipped. In a desperate attempt to catch the pan I grabbed it with my bare hand. My hand is striped like a candy cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 831

You deserved it 876

18/12/2013 09:30 - Australia

Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 983

You deserved it 8 716

22/11/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 534

You deserved it 2 987

07/07/2019 16:00 - United States - Tempe

Today, my dad suggested I go back to my abusive, psychotic ex, who happens to be the father of my only child. He suggested this only so I can get pregnant again, and get more money back on my taxes. His "bright side" to this? At least my kids will have the same father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 304

19/09/2012 04:40 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 769

You deserved it 3 581

26/03/2013 14:54 - Finland - Vanda

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because of a tattoo I have. It's a small teddy bear on my leg with my parents' names on it. My workplace has no problems with tattoos, but my boss said it was "unoriginal and lame." It's a memorial tattoo; my parents died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 868

You deserved it 3 468

12/12/2011 23:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 325

You deserved it 3 010

29/08/2016 04:51 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I got dumped for the second time by the guy that I'd been seeing. He actually forgot that he'd already dumped me once this week and did it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 411

You deserved it 1 534

25/09/2013 03:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 929

You deserved it 4 612

13/07/2012 06:47 - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's grandmother kept trying to introduce him to this "simply absolutely amazing girl," who she thought "would be just the perfect date" for him. At our engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 578

You deserved it 1 997

Perish the thought

By weird - 03/07/2021 20:01

Today, I found out that my half-brother from my mom’s side is dating my half-sister from my dad’s side when I caught them hooking up at our last family event. Even though they aren’t blood related, it’s still super creepy for some reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 218

19/05/2015 01:22 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 055

You deserved it 7 339

17/12/2009 12:49 - United States

Today, my sister-in-law told me calmly that she never cared for me, likes her brother's ex more than me, and probably will always dislike me. It was our first serious conversation ever, that I initiated because I wanted to "maintain our great friendship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 339

You deserved it 3 072

Noise annoys

By guiltyschuldig49 - 28/05/2020 14:00

Today, and for months, my upstairs neighbor has been stomping on their floors, hard enough to shake our walls. We thought it was their child, but found out it’s the mother. She took up running, and due to the pandemic, she does it in the living room. She's already been told to stop. Repeatedly. I work 12-hour nights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 734

You deserved it 117

16/10/2009 18:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around on camera. I was mostly naked and putting on a show for her, when I noticed that she was looking off to the side instead of where she normally looks when she's talking to me. She was playing solitaire on her computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 288

You deserved it 4 313

20/06/2016 07:13 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 633

You deserved it 13 582

21/10/2014 15:42 - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 126

You deserved it 3 671

25/04/2012 20:50 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 096

You deserved it 2 238

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 546

You deserved it 9 492

06/03/2015 01:34 - United States - Ridge

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 063

You deserved it 2 986

31/12/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 990

You deserved it 3 713

23/12/2011 21:02 - United States

Today, my family and I went over to our new neighbors' house, to sing a carol and say hello. The only response we got was a door slammed in our faces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 462

You deserved it 31 902

Proud

By Anonymous - 16/07/2016 12:31

Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 608

You deserved it 1 008

13/07/2011 13:31 - United States

Today, at a family reunion, my dad announced to everyone that I'd finally started my menstrual cycle. My grandmother started sobbing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 248

You deserved it 3 084

11/10/2015 06:45 - Canada - Oakville

Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 628

You deserved it 1 797

27/08/2019 18:00 - United States

Today, I ordered takeout. When I looked in the bag, I saw they'd included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, then estimated that there must be at least four people eating such a large meal. I was eating alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 818

30/10/2011 13:16 - United States

Today, I spent two hours driving all over town looking for a store that sold pumpkins. When I finally found some, I was charged ten dollars per pumpkin. Later, I went to my town's annual Halloween festival and discovered they were giving pumpkins away for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 996

You deserved it 9 094

Medicare For All

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 08:01

Today, it's Mother’s Day. It's also the day I’m expected to pay a very large medical bill due to my miscarriage of twin babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 76

14/04/2009 07:50 - United States

Today, I was running down the hallway when a door opens and hits me right on the face. I'm sitting there with my nose bleeding and a huge bump forming on my head. The guy who comes out is hugely fat, tries to help me up, trips, and falls on me. I accidentally groped his moobs while trying to push him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 779

You deserved it 7 752

20/04/2014 04:03 - United States - Meridian

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 196

You deserved it 5 033

24/12/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 601

You deserved it 3 325

The cheek!

By Anonymous - 01/06/2014 16:36 - Germany - Ammerndorf

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 908

You deserved it 5 278

31/08/2009 13:54 - Australia

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 224

You deserved it 12 035

Clean me, humanoid

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 15:00

Today, I had to wash my cat. Twice. The first time was because he decided to roll over in the litter tray after using it. The second was the result of him pissing on the floor, then rolling in it right after I'd dried him from the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 225

11/11/2012 00:29 - United States

Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 173

You deserved it 1 646

26/06/2013 09:07 - United States

Today, someone came into the store I work at, laughed at my name on my name-tag, and left without even buying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 703

You deserved it 3 926

21/03/2014 11:09 - United States - Waco

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 231

You deserved it 9 002

19/01/2013 00:26 - Iceland

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 384

You deserved it 15 559

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Top comments

feven 32

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:11

Record her and show her the recording

macros 12

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:13

Put it on her front porch and light it on fire.

Comments

Vahex 19

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:09

Aww that's horrible

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Monday 20 October 2014 15:24

take pictures op

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Monday 20 October 2014 16:35

Even better, record it

orbit 22

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Monday 20 October 2014 17:18

Or every time more shows up, just throw it on her roof.

minesbiggerr 25

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Monday 20 October 2014 18:28

Record then show it to the cops OP or better yet get the cops in your house then make them watch her do it

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Monday 20 October 2014 20:10

Lights, camera, Action!

incoherentrmblr 21

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Monday 20 October 2014 20:15

Put on a pair of gloves, and put it back on her property. If it gets worse, you can either call the cops or just start sh*tting on her lawn like Me, Myself, and Irene...

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Monday 20 October 2014 22:34

Just fucking go outside next time you're watching her do it.

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:09

What a piece of shit.

sayyestothedress 24

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Monday 20 October 2014 22:23

OP, you should put a video surveillance and show it to the police

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Tuesday 21 October 2014 8:16

Or just next time she does it go outside and call her out on it...

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:09

I'd say if it keeps up turn her into the authorities.

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:32

There's really nothing the police can do about something like this because it's not vandalism. Op just needs to deal with the asshole neighbor on their own.

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:40

There are times that you need to reach out and touch somebody... With a fist to the face. This might be one of them.

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:44

Trespassing and littering on private property id say it's close

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Monday 20 October 2014 15:17

Yes, yes there is something they can do. Most city ordinances provide hefty fines for littering and police may take some interest.

Stuffaluffagus 25

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Monday 20 October 2014 16:52

Actually in most places you get fined for leaving your dogs shit. I know you do here

feven 32

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:11

Record her and show her the recording

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:38

Save a copy of different occasions for the cops too.

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:45

That would've been my first reaction!!!

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Monday 20 October 2014 15:27

I would also like to view it on YouTube

ClassyCataclasis 4

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Monday 20 October 2014 23:33

Don't even bother showing her, just record it and go straight to whatever authorites handle this type of thing.

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:12

Video Cam it and then straight to the relevant agency for dog fouling in your area

HappyItalian 38

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:12

Start filming it as proof and then show it to her. See what she says then.

macros 12

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:13

Put it on her front porch and light it on fire.

Zebediabolical 39

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Monday 20 October 2014 17:58

Put it on her front porch and light HER on fire!

KK3137 31

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Monday 20 October 2014 18:33

Aaalrighty, slow down there, Doppelganger sexer... Besides, if OP set neighbour bitch on fire then neighbour bitch wouldn't get to revel in the stench of her wrongdoings.

PresidentNorth 16

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Monday 20 October 2014 21:09

Sure she would. It won't last as long as we'd like but she'll be reveling.

ClassyCataclasis 4

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Monday 20 October 2014 23:34

Then you go to jail for attempted arson...

redstone7693 29

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Tuesday 21 October 2014 4:45

that's an old school prank xD

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Tuesday 21 October 2014 21:45

Have a pal put another one at the back door, and set it on fire ( and knock loudly) just after the first one.

adzz90 16

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:13

why don't you record her doing this as proof and then confront her

Frostillicus123 10

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:14

video evidence is easy.

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Monday 20 October 2014 14:16

Pick up said bags and leave in her doorstep. That is after filming her leaving said bags on your drive way. If she asks - explain you are returning her dogs brownies

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 278

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 69