Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML
Today, my ultra-Christian neighbor called the cops on me (again). This time, it was because she could smell "weed" coming from my apartment. I was burning sage. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML
Today, my new neighbour is delusional. She’s only lived next door 3 weeks and she’s called the police on me 11 times for “taking his bin out so he can look in my window”, “hanging out the washing so he can look in my window” and “barbecuing with his kids so he can look in my window.” Crazy bitch. FML
Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML
Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
Today, the neighbors called the cops on us because they heard a series of loud screams. No, no one was being murdered, but my mom found one of my socks in the laundry room. FML
Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
bigtaytay 13
Tell him if he keeps it up your parents will eat him
minauto 15
Act the part! Put on some fangs and a cape. You could have so much fun with your neighbor.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (69)
A_Perfect_Circle 12
I'm sure that's littering and if anything some sort of trespassing
Darbstar101 19
You should have some fun and mess with him, get your parents to come in dark clothes and capes and all the vampire getup and hiss when he sees them
SnowFangedBeauty 19
Either your neighbor's superstitious or a plain moron....or both
aruiz51 1
Have your parents dress up as stereotypical vampires when they visit.
simsgirlgem 25
I'm surprised your neighbor hasn't been fined for wasting the police time that could be used for things like robberies
vikky538 28
next time he complaints..complaint against him that he is a werewolf and tell them he stinks a lot...
1947Chevy 17
Buy a cross, make a necklace out of garlic, and walk in the sunlight. If he is still unconvinced you are a human you need to be carful. People like that are scary. Just an added thought you can press charges for harassment if your in America if this does not stop.
Lastwhiteknight 11
I would normaly suggest you have as much fun with this as possible, e.g go out at night a dig a grave sized hole or stand at your window with a green low light aimed at yourself, however you're in the states and crazy people + guns not a great mix so settle for a T shirt that says 'From Dusk Till Dawn... I was there'
sunshineb81 16
I have to ask after 7 calls to the police. What are you doing that makes the neighbor think this?
skittyskatbrat 19
Neighbor is crazy. "Think" does not enter into the equation. At least the neighbor hasn't decided that the guy is Elvis, and started lurking about with cameras.
skittyskatbrat 19
Please, please tell me you are planning to host a Halloween party? The obvious costumes for everyone would be Vampire (no sparkles!) or Ghoul :D It has SO much potential.....