Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML
Today, my ultra-Christian neighbor called the cops on me (again). This time, it was because she could smell "weed" coming from my apartment. I was burning sage. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML
Today, my new neighbour is delusional. She’s only lived next door 3 weeks and she’s called the police on me 11 times for “taking his bin out so he can look in my window”, “hanging out the washing so he can look in my window” and “barbecuing with his kids so he can look in my window.” Crazy bitch. FML
Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML
Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
Today, the neighbors called the cops on us because they heard a series of loud screams. No, no one was being murdered, but my mom found one of my socks in the laundry room. FML
Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
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Top comments
bigtaytay 13
Tell him if he keeps it up your parents will eat him
minauto 15
Act the part! Put on some fangs and a cape. You could have so much fun with your neighbor.
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Comments (69)
Ibroughtuamento 10
Just creep him out with random vampire shit. That should scare him off
thisisg 9
you can have a lot of fun with that!
DeadDaveTheEnemy 13
you could do so much with that especially on halloween besides i think your parents would understand if you let them know ahead of time what they can expect still sucks to be you though
YourVoiceofReasn 6
Depending on what kind of vampire he thinks you are, throw some glitter up when they get there.
mvc3ftw 17
Tell your neighbor that your family has connections to the vampaneeze and that your father is the "Lord of Shadows"
wolfknite64 5
Go out in the day, eat garlic bread, carry a mirror, hold a cross, and drink holy water in front of him.
Omniprism 14
Make a complaint to the cops of your own and get a restraining order. Good luck.
mansfield_j 27
Go bite him
sk8ter23 5
leave a twilight movie on his porch
Nish007 15
you must be neon white or something