Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML
Today, my ultra-Christian neighbor called the cops on me (again). This time, it was because she could smell "weed" coming from my apartment. I was burning sage. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML
Today, my new neighbour is delusional. She’s only lived next door 3 weeks and she’s called the police on me 11 times for “taking his bin out so he can look in my window”, “hanging out the washing so he can look in my window” and “barbecuing with his kids so he can look in my window.” Crazy bitch. FML
Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML
Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
Today, the neighbors called the cops on us because they heard a series of loud screams. No, no one was being murdered, but my mom found one of my socks in the laundry room. FML
Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
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Top comments
bigtaytay 13
Tell him if he keeps it up your parents will eat him
minauto 15
Act the part! Put on some fangs and a cape. You could have so much fun with your neighbor.
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Comments (69)
Jelbeztok 17
i would probaly just go with it.
CyberGothic 16
I would totally use that to my benefit. Prey on the fears, like telling the neighbor that Vampires cannot enter a residence uninvited is ancient disinformation intended to lull the weak-minded into a false sense of security...then tell him/her to start guess about all the *other* ways Vamps have used human superstition to our, ahem, Their benefit.
darkfireflame 15
How has the police not arrested this whackjob for abusing 911? Then again, maybe you should look him in the eye and eat a clove of garlic.
soldiat_fml 17
I don't think even a 'normal' person would just eat an entire clove of raw garlic.
ImTheAlpha 30
Maybe garlic bread instead.
KaylaTackett 18
Just tell your neighbor that you'll rip their throat out if they don't stop bothering you :)
RogueWarrior869 23
To everyone saying op should mess with the neighbor, that is a horrible idea. Never egg on a potentially mentally unstable person because they could get dangerous and try to attack op thinking they are killing an actual vampire. We had a neighbor think this about us a few years back and she was almost violent about it. It took having the cops called on her to end things, and she thankfully moved not long after. Op, like the others I would recommend complaining for harassment since this is terrible and a waste of your and the police departments time. I hope everything gets settled for you and soon.
Axel5238 29
Agreed, the guy is taking this pretty seriously and might get violent if provoked. He's obviously not well and could be very dangerous if he starts acting more seriously on his delusions. I had a neighbor that was convinced I was was up partying at night banging on the walls and whatever. He threatened to get me kicked out of my old place. I confronted him and told him if he banged on my door like that again I would go to the manager and have him kicked out for harassment. He eventually calmed down when I told him the walls were thin and you hear banging from the pipes and stuff but the guy was not well and you really don't want to be provoking someone that is that crazy.
Sigilwen 24
You should sit out and drink something red in a glass. Mind as well have your fun. Oh and wear sunglasses and hold an umbrella....
shine999 12
Lmao! That guy has some serious issues!
FYL_justsayin 9
I agree, your life "Sucks".
inbredlefthand 10
Ever thought you dress like an emo ******?
Tannasgh 22
This is so ripe for so many practical jokes...