Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML
Today, my ultra-Christian neighbor called the cops on me (again). This time, it was because she could smell "weed" coming from my apartment. I was burning sage. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML
Today, my new neighbour is delusional. She’s only lived next door 3 weeks and she’s called the police on me 11 times for “taking his bin out so he can look in my window”, “hanging out the washing so he can look in my window” and “barbecuing with his kids so he can look in my window.” Crazy bitch. FML
Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML
Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
Today, the neighbors called the cops on us because they heard a series of loud screams. No, no one was being murdered, but my mom found one of my socks in the laundry room. FML
Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
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Top comments
bigtaytay 13
Tell him if he keeps it up your parents will eat him
minauto 15
Act the part! Put on some fangs and a cape. You could have so much fun with your neighbor.
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Comments (69)
yellowaholic 25
You should buy those fake fangs and then when your neighbor is outside snarl at him through the window and then move away quickly so that he thinks he saw something that he shouldn't have. You have the perfect opportunity to scare the crap out of him.
interesting33 36
This sounds hilarious at first but be careful - if he really thinks that, it's a bit strange and you don't want him to decide to stab you with a stake or something. I mean if it escalates..
Lehk 9
never let him see you in direct sunlight,
Ltturner234 12
I know what you should dress up as for Halloween.
sanecatlady 13
And the police have done nothing to make him stop harassing you? What, are they going to wait until he attempts to stab you with a stake?
Sniper_Chick4110 20
Are you a lawyer Op? I hear that's a common name for someone in that line of work.
Murkyy 15
How can you complain about free garlic? Yum!
blucorsa 15
The lead in the water must be getting to him.
IHaveThePower 16
Plant the garlic, some basil, and some onions. You will feast like a king of old.