Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML
Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML
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Top comments
amd1314a 8
Unless there really was a sniper ... 0_o
DocBastard 40
It's not paranoia if they really are after you. HEY, WHO THE **** IS AT MY WINDOW!?
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Comments (97)
amd1314a 8
Unless there really was a sniper ... 0_o
castleofg1ass 19
Just like there was in breaking bad ;) (season 5)
Rainhawk94 27
No. Stahp
TheCanucklehead 22
#1 - I had to do this. He knows to much...like Jesse Ventura.
isallwaysme 27
23, you NEVER put spoilers on the internet unless you say "SPOILERS" right on top. i bet you've made some people quite upset
TheAbstract 15
23, I hate you.
wallandpiece 16
In all fairness, revealing that tiny detail of Breaking Bad doesn't reveal much of the plot, unless you tell everyone the context. But yeah, don't spoil it for people.
TREEandMONKEY 13
Thanks for spoiling. You did a great job. Thanks....
MikaykayUnicorn 36
#23 leave. take your spoilers with you.
green2go 14
Snipers don't use lasers in the fist place that only happens in movies
SPothecary 5
well. some SF used to in NI to make the bad guys crap themselves :P
obey_clarence 18
Hey #23 **** you
vlalam 24
Ha ha ha.. Sorry mate but that was hilarious... Welcome to crazy earth :)
\ 28
in today's world, you can't blame him
ywolfgl 21
That was funny!
shadowedpixie 19
I seriously think this guy might be my teacher.... O_o OP, I am so sorry if he is your neighbor!
Maycontainnuts 17
56 - what's your teacher like?
ShyAnn29 15
73, obviously he's like this neighbor.
Albanic 7
Yes, I actually "laughed out loud" on this one! ^_^
capsizedatsea 15
Ow! That sounds sore. Hope your ok!
BillMurray_fml 12
His ok what?
jasmine2301 25
3, you're*
DocBastard 40
It's not paranoia if they really are after you. HEY, WHO THE **** IS AT MY WINDOW!?
Welshite 40
*runs away*
vipirius 18
*philosoraptor* What if all the crazy conspiracy theorists are actually government agents and talk crazy so when someone actually tells the truth everyone aunts they're crazy?
perdix 31
#4, Melissa Etheridge?
ambitiousnygrl 17
@25 everyone 'aunts' they're crazy?
dingleberrysteve 6
actually its probably schizophrenia
mkymouse90 17
He thought he was saving your life.
misspulkadot24 17
I love conspiracy theorists. My grandpa was one. They tell the greatest stories. But I would not enjoy being thrown down the stairs by one. Feel better!
184886837272837 32
I consider myself a conspiracy theorist to some extent. If you look at all the declassified government documents from the 30's to the early 80's you realize they did some really ****** up shit. During the Cold War the US government sprayed poison in the air in Louisville Illinois because they wanted to see the effect it would have on people's lungs. This was an on going project that lasted years, and when you see what they did then, you have to ask "what are they doing now?" Although OP's neighbor sounds a bit extreme.
misspulkadot24 17
Oh I agree. I think I got my grandpa's crazy gene. I did a project on the theory about AIDS, and I totally didn't believe it at first, but when you dig deep, it's really scary how convincing the unpopular argument. And we all know the government is ******, the system is ******, and the whole world is ******. So who knows really?
184886837272837 32
My favorite theory is the JFK assassination. The official report on that has more holes than a dam made of Swiss cheese.
SmuggletheBudgie 15
I would be already planning how to throw him down the stairs, sweet revenge.
SMHsohard 22
Reread the FML. He didn't deliberately throw OP down the stairs. He was running down in a panic, and bumped into OP. The life of a conspiracy theorist must be horrifying; like the poster I had on my wall in college said, " Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T out to get you." Poor man could have actually been targeted and no one would believe him. My guess would be the guy on the grassy knoll.
SmuggletheBudgie 15
ahhh my bad missed the conspiracy theorist part. Yeah I agree that would be horrible although sometimes they make alot of sense .... that might be my inner survivalist talking though.
toneeangel 22
Aww that sucks I hope you didn't get hurt too bad
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Whoever did that stupid prank is a ********. Your neighbour is clearly mentally unstable and taunting him like that is not cool.
Treveyon56 14
I think you mean awesome. Nothing like tormenting a very paranoid person.
MortenM 17
Agree #32. probably just an autocorrect
Wizardo 34
Its a conspiracy when its not happening to you and when the NSA listens in, the FBI investigates and CIA targets you its all reality maaaaaan...