Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's... - FML

By Anonymous - 23/5/2012 20:38 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25772

You deserved it

5146

Tweet

Share

True hero

Mystery

My body, my choice

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 15:44 - Canada - Sydney

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51402

You deserved it

3277

Tweet

Share

By flowerfail - 16/6/2009 09:13 - United States

Today, I stepped outside to wait for a cute guy to arrive after arduously preparing for our first date. Just as he rounded the corner, I tripped over the last stair and landed headfirst into my mom's fresh pot of snapdragons. My mom uses compost and manure for her plants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43621

You deserved it

4950

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 1/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Secret sex

Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1671

You deserved it

398

Tweet

Share

By Trollface - 31/1/2017 20:00 - Canada

Today, while cuddling in bed, I tried to tell my girlfriend she was cute. It came out, "I wish you were cuter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6158

You deserved it

3562

Tweet

Share

By jojo - 6/5/2009 19:11 - United States

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61414

You deserved it

12799

Tweet

Share

By EvilMother - 14/9/2012 00:57 - United States - Hinsdale

Today, after having a long talk with my mother about gays, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grand kids." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31921

You deserved it

5210

Tweet

Share

By blah - 21/7/2011 14:10 - United States

Today, my mom took me to an AA meeting because she said I needed help. I have never tried alcohol in my life, and told them this. I was then harangued by the "instructor" because apparently one of the signs of alcoholism is denial. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37573

You deserved it

3047

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 12:18

Today, I woke up at 7, got to college by 7:40 to receive an email that my 8:00 a.m. class got cancelled. I stayed there until 12:00 p.m. for my second class, to then find out that the cancelled class was the one at 12:00, not 8:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23643

You deserved it

5840

Tweet

Share

By pdnne - 12/5/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48801

You deserved it

7714

Tweet

Share

By Brasilian29 - 11/12/2014 12:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44620

You deserved it

3355

Tweet

Share

By -__- - 27/12/2013 21:49 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49694

You deserved it

4542

Tweet

Share

By idk - 28/5/2014 03:23 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I saw the hottest nurse ever. Too bad he was pulling out a piece of wax the size of a raisin from my blocked ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46200

You deserved it

8273

Tweet

Share

By time to lawyer up - 20/2/2014 21:20 - United States - Forney

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27344

You deserved it

52769

Tweet

Share

By qtpieo1 - 13/8/2010 16:14 - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I baby sit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41392

You deserved it

9606

Tweet

Share

By cheddar - 20/7/2011 22:17 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33302

You deserved it

2593

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/12/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30560

You deserved it

3033

Tweet

Share

By Bridget - 11/5/2013 04:01 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64131

You deserved it

5726

Tweet

Share

By MsAnonymous17 - 26/5/2013 23:20 - United States

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59056

You deserved it

4122

Tweet

Share

By Trey - 19/11/2011 01:58 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27419

You deserved it

3297

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/3/2010 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29742

You deserved it

22105

Tweet

Share

By me - 30/11/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40866

You deserved it

8756

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/4/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37111

You deserved it

8345

Tweet

Share

By JulietMarie - 18/12/2018 03:00

Today, I met my older sister's cute male roommate. Everything was going smoothly until he asked if I was her mother. I’m only 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2273

You deserved it

170

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/5/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3775

You deserved it

1714

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/4/2017 02:00

Today, I had to remove a splinter from one of my roommates. This would have been better if the splinter wasn't deeply lodged in their asscheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4695

You deserved it

372

Tweet

Share

By Pissy pants - 24/11/2018 13:30

Today, I had a horrible headache on my way home from lunch. I pulled over and vomited so forcefully I peed my pants, a lot. I had pee in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3079

You deserved it

176

Tweet

Share

By Breanne - 14/7/2011 15:25 - Canada

Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26174

You deserved it

2302

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/4/2018 19:00

Today, my wife sent me a text expressing her "love and thinking to the future with you, Chad". Too bad my name isn't Chad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4753

You deserved it

239

Tweet

Share

By Cat Ashes - 5/12/2013 05:18 - United States - Dewitt

Today, I received an unexpected package from my mother. It contained my cat's ashes. Apparently he died 3 weeks ago and she thought this was the best way to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43651

You deserved it

2780

Tweet

Share

By lizard - 18/12/2010 05:56 - United States

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29310

You deserved it

3048

Tweet

Share

By AccidentalToiletSpy - 21/8/2018 20:30

Today, in the bathroom at work, I heard two co-workers enter and begin a very private discussion. Not wanting to embarrass either of them, I figured I'd sit quietly until they left. Big mistake. They talked for an hour and a half. I couldn't feel my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2514

You deserved it

832

Tweet

Share

By thanksbaby - 1/6/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45879

You deserved it

11524

Tweet

Share

By dileigh - 10/3/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75080

You deserved it

3608

Tweet

Share

By not a photographer - 21/6/2020 08:08

Mom gets some

Today, my mom asked me to take a picture of her and a friend before they went out to dinner. I was getting ready to take the picture when I noticed the box showing the most recent picture. It was a nude. Of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1493

You deserved it

119

Tweet

Share

By Karl - 21/2/2011 11:43

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34625

You deserved it

5933

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/9/2011 13:36 - United States

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36962

You deserved it

4236

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/8/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my Kung Fu-trained father found out that my boyfriend, a Krav Maga student, got me pregnant. Since I'm only 17, my dad got extremely mad. Several broken bones and a few ambulances later, it looks like a Steven Seagal movie happened in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1583

You deserved it

938

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/8/2014 04:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60026

You deserved it

6432

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/8/2015 15:29 - United States

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28763

You deserved it

15282

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/1/2016 15:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer filed a complaint against me because my coworker took too long to do a price check. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21096

You deserved it

1314

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SkoomaKi | 27

#4473540 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:03

They were not amused because you didn't light your fart on fire, it would've given a more explosive start to the presentation.

By Sinsation | 7

#4473523 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:01

Silence is not so Golden.

COMMENTS

By Sinsation | 7

#4473523 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:01

Silence is not so Golden.

Reply

RaggleFrock | 13

#4473544 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:04

And smelly

Reply

causticgirl | 6

#4473565 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:09

You will now forever be known as "Sir Farts A Lot" or "Mc Stinky" around the office. Time to start looking for new employment.

Reply

chowE_fml | 4

#4473622 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:30

Now op will be the 'Butt' of all the office jokes.

Reply

kayla_ann0o | 9

#4473666 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:50

It's that kind of moment that calls for a "that was easy" button. Keeps it less awkward.

Reply

randii_17 | 11

#4473674 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:52

I'm surprised that top comment isn't quoting the movie Step Brothers. I couldn't be the only one thinking it...

Reply

amandajlucas2015 | 2

#4474469 - Thursday 24 May 2012 1:46

The only reason they don't find it funny is because they are stuck up assholes who don't think their shit stinks but believe me it does it all does

Reply

nictransitglory | 4

#4474666 - Thursday 24 May 2012 3:09

But it can be deadly

Reply

cr3ativity | 15

#4474855 - Thursday 24 May 2012 4:38

It could possibly brown instead

Reply

hatesfate | 6

#4475264 - Thursday 24 May 2012 8:42

Actually the poop particals as a result of a fart could be brown... The gas from a fart can not be seen by the naked eye...

Don't believe me? Ask someone to fart while you put your eye to their ass... Just be careful of pink eye. ;-)

Reply

ProfessionalTrol_fml | 14

#4476518 - Thursday 24 May 2012 16:56

Did you give everyone in the room a pink eye?

By Devin91 | 20

#4473524 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:01

Hopefully you did a hell of a presentation. But the embarrassment will blow over soon, no need to stress over the small stuff.

Reply

kikiray | 3

#4473597 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:20

Lol blow over.. No pun intended...

Reply

chowE_fml | 4

#4474347 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:58

Won't blow over completely until OP checks their undies for accidental poo

Reply

1poohbear5 | 7

#4474492 - Thursday 24 May 2012 1:59

By the sound of it, it wasn't small haha

Reply

yasssx3 | 6

#4475011 - Thursday 24 May 2012 5:49

It's one of those moments where you're never gonna get over it. As in like 3 years later your still gonna be like 'Mother of God' and be just as embarrassed as the first time.

Reply

dannyice | 2

#4475987 - Thursday 24 May 2012 14:19

Isn't it 'oh god, why'

By gamercanadian | 11

#4473535 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:03

Come to think of it I don't remember the last time I had those monstrous farts..... Oh wait that yesterday, during my presentation.

Reply

The_Troller | 14

#4474378 - Thursday 24 May 2012 1:15

Who are you talking to?

Reply

AwkwardPartyBear | 24

#4474712 - Thursday 24 May 2012 3:25

#38 Himself.

By SkoomaKi | 27

#4473540 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:03

They were not amused because you didn't light your fart on fire, it would've given a more explosive start to the presentation.

Reply

Mariebaz | 11

#4474539 - Thursday 24 May 2012 2:16

For all we know, it could well have been explosive.

Reply

EnterSandman_fml | 20

#4474570 - Thursday 24 May 2012 2:28

There's more than one way to get an audience fired up. They'll have a blast I'm sure.

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#4475236 - Thursday 24 May 2012 8:25

Can you imagine explaining the explosion?

Fireman: So, how'd this happen?
OP: Well, um.....I thought I'd light my fart, but I had a bigger fart than usual, and it exploded

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#4475238 - Thursday 24 May 2012 8:26

That really was funnier in my mind lol

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#4475243 - Thursday 24 May 2012 8:28

This app is messing up, sorry

Reply

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#4475699 - Thursday 24 May 2012 12:09

Sounds like it was the longest 2 or 3 seconds of OP's life.

By Michael_92 | 20

#4473548 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:05

That's one way to make sure all eyes are on you.

By ralenti | 3

#4473550 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:05

this makes me cringe so much. i feel bad for you. :-(

Reply

nofearjenshere | 12

#4473562 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:08

How exactly does this make you cringe?

Reply

SkoomaKi | 27

#4473602 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:21

How would you not cringe? OP was in front of SENIOR employees and let out a 2-3 second fart. It's incredibly embarrassing and very cringe-worthy.

Reply

reddudeover | 2

#4473617 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:28

11 - it's called EMPATHY, I cringe from the embarrassment op must have felt letting out a wet shart in front of important colleagues.

Reply

hecallsmedarlin | 7

#4474351 - Thursday 24 May 2012 1:00

28 - ew. I do not believe op said anything about it being wet... In that case he would of mentioned about asking for a few minutes to go change... I hope anyway.

By ICastillo | 24

#4473553 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:06

Well at least all the pressure is gone. Well you let them have a whiff of your smelf.

By Doribella98 | 14

#4473554 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:06

They should understand that sometimes farts are hard to hold in- and that they can be random. Hope your presentation was great, though.

Reply

Roflsauruz | 12

#4473615 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:27

Maybe if it was so hard to hold it in, he could...plug it?

With... Something......

O_o

Reply

geko911 | 22

#4474406 - Thursday 24 May 2012 1:22

What? Stick your finger down your skirt and up your ass and hope it works? Make a ball with a sheet of paper and try to make it fit down there? Ooohhh well yes genius that's a marvelous idea!

By nofearjenshere | 12

#4473555 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:06

That is the kind of moment when you play it off with humor.

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#4473608 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:22

Ya he should have been like did you guys here that barking spider?

Reply

kayla_ann0o | 9

#4473679 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:52

No he shoulda said " hey guys you hear that asshole talking shit behind me?"

By theneatoburrito | 8

#4473570 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:10

That's the moment you try to play it cool.
Just be like, "Ahhhh, sorry bros. I've been holding that one in all day!".