Work: Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 15

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 126

23/05/2012 20:38

Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 806

You deserved it 5 156

Walk the line

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Our house, in the middle of our street

Make your minds up

By Remy - 16/11/2013 23:39

Today, I was offered a job that pays far more than I expected, being a high school senior. My parents decided they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college, which is why I was looking for work in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 908

You deserved it 3 090

11/08/2014 02:22

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 030

You deserved it 3 706

Heavy phone, dude

By Burton - 12/06/2021 20:00

Today, I'm in the E.R. because I broke one of my toes when my cellphone slipped from my hands after taking a shower. Needless to say, my cellphone broke too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 306

28/01/2014 08:22

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 579

You deserved it 5 622

Inebriated utterances

By Brenden Alistair Maye - 30/07/2021 01:59

Today, after the girl I fell head over heels for asked me out last night, it turns out she was so drunk at the time, she doesn't remember and doesn't want to date me at all. I'm beginning to feel like my life is some shitty movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 86

Leaking all over the place

By JR. - 08/08/2020 20:02

Today, my nearly ex-husband called in a panic so I could come rescue the dogs because he'd called 911 due to a gas leak at the house. I came over, after which the fire department and gas company inspected, and they found the issue. The dog. The dog farted so bad it smelled like rotten eggs and was mistaken for a gas leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 502

You deserved it 131

19/11/2012 00:47

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 958

You deserved it 1 806

10/09/2009 23:17

Today, I was walking with my very attractive friend who I like a lot. She then told me that her roomate wouldn't be home tonight, and if I wanted, I could come over and study history. I didn't get it. I told her no thanks, that I was covered, and it was chem I needed to study. An hour later, I understood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 790

You deserved it 76 495

13/11/2008 02:46

Today, I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend who is going out with someone else. But at least I now know that he's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 570

You deserved it 4 343

18/03/2013 03:14

Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 548

You deserved it 3 104

Dumbass idea

By Caeru - 21/06/2011 07:08

Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 099

You deserved it 3 591

03/07/2018 15:00

Today, I was verbally harassed by a customer because I wouldn’t give her special treatment after her meal was incorrect. I offered her a refund and a coupon for a free meal, which she refused before calling me a stupid kid who wouldn’t do anything to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 507

You deserved it 220

18/07/2014 16:30

Today, I was at my grandma's funeral. While giving the eulogy, I accidentally mixed up "You will be missed" and "You won't be forgotten" and instead said "You won't be missed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 428

You deserved it 7 888

05/05/2019 02:00

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 126

30/01/2012 15:07

Spicy

Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together" means scooting closer to each other in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 208

You deserved it 4 157

23/03/2011 16:21

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 833

You deserved it 11 748

08/03/2009 21:02

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 471

You deserved it 19 248

27/12/2015 02:07

Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 128

You deserved it 2 171

25/03/2009 04:45

Today, a kid I coach on a regular basis was talking to me about what I did outside of work. After we were done with the conversation, she told me with a straight face that I need to get a life and get a boyfriend. She's 10. And she's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 881

You deserved it 9 928

04/10/2013 08:20

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 519

You deserved it 7 757

25/10/2016 00:50

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 689

You deserved it 955

15/05/2011 19:29

Today, I went to Subway with my girlfriend. Just as the time came for her to pay, she went to the car to grab her purse. She didn't come back. I found a note on the windshield saying, "It's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 788

You deserved it 14 418

22/04/2009 18:24

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 197

You deserved it 73 317

26/11/2011 12:18

Today, one of my classmates pointed out that our professor has a habit of sucking his teeth at the end of each sentence. I'd never noticed before. I can't concentrate anymore, all I can focus on is his weird teeth noise thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 252

You deserved it 3 494

02/06/2012 16:46

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 998

You deserved it 14 805

08/12/2008 12:05

Spicy

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 112

You deserved it 8 960

02/04/2014 11:30

Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 090

You deserved it 10 544

10/12/2012 18:37

Spicy

Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than let him continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 736

You deserved it 12 775

24/02/2010 05:54

Spicy

Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 369

You deserved it 33 377

06/08/2013 21:59

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 904

You deserved it 4 047

PMS FTW

By life101 - 19/10/2020 13:56

Today, I realized how emotional I get around my time of month when I cried because a cheese commercial was so "touching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 146

Family is everything

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 17:01

Today, I thought I would take my family to the beach for the day. My wife is sitting on the front porch, not talking to me, because after working a 60-hour week, I would rather enjoy my family and the fruits of my labor, rather than help her clean the house that she has spent all week at, doing nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 171

Insurance is a racket

By Chriso - 17/11/2009 11:48

Today, I was finally discharged from hospital after being in there for one month, I arrive home to find a letter from a debt collection agency for my unpaid car insurance premium, and another letter from my car insurer to say that they aren't covering my accident due to non payment of premium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 338

You deserved it 3 936

30/03/2012 14:35

Today, while playing badminton, I was so distracted by my ex winking at me that I didn't notice the shuttlecock that hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 689

You deserved it 21 367

22/08/2014 18:04

Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 676

You deserved it 6 748

27/06/2019 04:30

Today, I was invited to an engagement. My crush is getting engaged next month to a man she told me she hated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 223

Rejection

By creditwhore - 24/02/2010 19:13

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year-old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 565

You deserved it 2 871

25/07/2013 04:10

Today, my husband managed to set fire to half of our garden setting up mosquito repellents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 079

You deserved it 3 370

30/06/2015 12:56

Today, I was at my best friend's wedding. As she threw the bouquet, I was punched in the face by another bridesmaid. Later, as I was explaining what had happened, I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 314

You deserved it 7 738

10/09/2013 21:02

Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 843

You deserved it 3 350

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:03

They were not amused because you didn't light your fart on fire, it would've given a more explosive start to the presentation.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:01

Silence is not so Golden.

Comments

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:01

Silence is not so Golden.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:04

And smelly

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:09

You will now forever be known as "Sir Farts A Lot" or "Mc Stinky" around the office. Time to start looking for new employment.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:30

Now op will be the 'Butt' of all the office jokes.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:50

It's that kind of moment that calls for a "that was easy" button. Keeps it less awkward.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:52

I'm surprised that top comment isn't quoting the movie Step Brothers. I couldn't be the only one thinking it...

amandajlucas2015 2

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Thursday 24 May 2012 1:46

The only reason they don't find it funny is because they are stuck up assholes who don't think their shit stinks but believe me it does it all does

nictransitglory 4

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Thursday 24 May 2012 3:09

But it can be deadly

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Thursday 24 May 2012 4:38

It could possibly brown instead

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Thursday 24 May 2012 8:42

Actually the poop particals as a result of a fart could be brown... The gas from a fart can not be seen by the naked eye... Don't believe me? Ask someone to fart while you put your eye to their ass... Just be careful of pink eye. ;-)

ProfessionalTrol_fml 14

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Thursday 24 May 2012 16:56

Did you give everyone in the room a pink eye?

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:01

Hopefully you did a hell of a presentation. But the embarrassment will blow over soon, no need to stress over the small stuff.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:20

Lol blow over.. No pun intended...

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:58

Won't blow over completely until OP checks their undies for accidental poo

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Thursday 24 May 2012 1:59

By the sound of it, it wasn't small haha

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Thursday 24 May 2012 5:49

It's one of those moments where you're never gonna get over it. As in like 3 years later your still gonna be like 'Mother of God' and be just as embarrassed as the first time.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 14:19

Isn't it 'oh god, why'

gamercanadian 11

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:03

Come to think of it I don't remember the last time I had those monstrous farts..... Oh wait that yesterday, during my presentation.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 1:15

Who are you talking to?

AwkwardPartyBear 24

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Thursday 24 May 2012 3:25

#38 Himself.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:03

They were not amused because you didn't light your fart on fire, it would've given a more explosive start to the presentation.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 2:16

For all we know, it could well have been explosive.

EnterSandman_fml 20

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Thursday 24 May 2012 2:28

There's more than one way to get an audience fired up. They'll have a blast I'm sure.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 8:25

Can you imagine explaining the explosion? Fireman: So, how'd this happen? OP: Well, um.....I thought I'd light my fart, but I had a bigger fart than usual, and it exploded

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Thursday 24 May 2012 8:26

That really was funnier in my mind lol

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Thursday 24 May 2012 8:28

This app is messing up, sorry

ScaughtieHolden 11

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Thursday 24 May 2012 12:09

Sounds like it was the longest 2 or 3 seconds of OP's life.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:05

That's one way to make sure all eyes are on you.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:05

this makes me cringe so much. i feel bad for you. :-(

nofearjenshere 12

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:08

How exactly does this make you cringe?

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:21

How would you not cringe? OP was in front of SENIOR employees and let out a 2-3 second fart. It's incredibly embarrassing and very cringe-worthy.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:28

11 - it's called EMPATHY, I cringe from the embarrassment op must have felt letting out a wet shart in front of important colleagues.

hecallsmedarlin 7

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Thursday 24 May 2012 1:00

28 - ew. I do not believe op said anything about it being wet... In that case he would of mentioned about asking for a few minutes to go change... I hope anyway.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:06

Well at least all the pressure is gone. Well you let them have a whiff of your smelf.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:06

They should understand that sometimes farts are hard to hold in- and that they can be random. Hope your presentation was great, though.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:27

Maybe if it was so hard to hold it in, he could...plug it? With... Something...... O_o

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Thursday 24 May 2012 1:22

What? Stick your finger down your skirt and up your ass and hope it works? Make a ball with a sheet of paper and try to make it fit down there? Ooohhh well yes genius that's a marvelous idea!

nofearjenshere 12

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:06

That is the kind of moment when you play it off with humor.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:22

Ya he should have been like did you guys here that barking spider?

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:52

No he shoulda said " hey guys you hear that asshole talking shit behind me?"

theneatoburrito 8

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Thursday 24 May 2012 0:10

That's the moment you try to play it cool. Just be like, "Ahhhh, sorry bros. I've been holding that one in all day!".