That sucks.

Get her to a mental health professional. If she's that delusional, she needs medical care.

I agree. This seems like a legitimate mental disorder that can progressively get worse if she doesn't seek help.

I wouldn't say it's a mental disorder, and there's no need to treat her like that. I could say the same about all Christian people and that they need to seek therapy too for believing in magical places, there's no difference. You just need to talk to her somehow and explain how wrong she is.

Speaking as a Christian, I don't believe in any "magical places"... I don't know where you got that from.

72-Speaking as a logical person I assume he meant heaven. Op tell your wife to get a grip.

I can't rationally listen to you considering you have burn notice listed as one of your favorite shows.

Burn notice is a fucking awesome show.

At least she'll be safe from mosquitoes, and burglars :)

Yes, because we all know burglars and Mosquitos are scared of onions

*garlic.

Oop, guess I should've read the twilight books so I would know that

Are kidding me #52 everyone knows that garlic is deadly to the classic vampires.

52: Or you could have just read the FML.

Mosquitoes actually are repelled by garlic, and as for the burglars part, well it depends on the burglar :)

Not if the burglar is a Hispanic! They freaking love garlic! (I'm hispanic)

I love garlic. I don't see what's wrong with this. (Sarcasm. Except for the first part)

She probably met Edward Cullen. I'd do the same thing if I met him.

Lady*

You mean douchebag don't you?

*fairy

*Cedric Diggory

I don't think people got the gist that I was meaning I'd try to keep that sparkling shit away from me. Oh well.

At least she isn't one of those people praying everyday to become one.

Tell her to carry a gun with silver bullets or a cross instead.

silver bullets with gun only works on werewolves . try burning the vampire or splash holy water on it or my personal favourite beheading

I'm fairly sure the silver bullet is for werewolves. I've got a couple here I'm considering trying out on the neighbor's Pomeranian to see if they work on all canines.

What does a silver arrow do? Yes, there is such a thing.

What you need is a silver bullet with a wooden core. That way it works on both vampires and werewolves.

How bout a wooden stake with silver tips, that way you could launch it into a vampire or werewolve.

I don't think letting her carry a loaded weapon is such a good idea.

Silver arrows only worked on Ganon, but light arrows are far more effective and fabulous.

Anything with a good dismembering factor should work.

Omg this sound like trueblood.

actually guys, in some interpretations of the vampire mythos, vampires also have an aversion to silver in the same way that werewolves have classically been thought to have.

Ahh for werewolves right cause if vampires exsist they must to right haha jks lol

#6, this one is expected. No, OP should tell her that yes they do exist, but they controlled the media to show people false weaknesses and thus false weapons and this is how they're going to rule someday. Soon.

10- may e I'm just being a nit-picker here, but I'm pretty sure if you behead ANYTHING, it is going to die instantly. Except chickens and cockroaches.

Tell her that a good but often unheard of way to repel vampires is to have sex 7 times a day.

OP's wife: "how does this repel vampires?" OP: "it shows we're too busy fucking to be drained of blood! Duh!"

7 times? god I can barely get my guy to do two.

And here I thought it was onion powder that kept vampires away! Now I have to go wash my clothes again... Does anyone know where there's a garlic powder sale?

I will send you some. Bring Italian, I keep plenty of garlic of all forms handy at all times.

I still don't understand why vampires are so popular lately.

Because the majority of people are weak minded and impressionable. Thank Hollywood for forcing their garbage upon us.

Oh the nerve... Hollywood put a gun to your head and forced you to watch vampire related stuff? How awful, you should consider a lawsuit.

Even 3,000 miles away, I can still feel Hollywood's influence.

I don't understand why everyone is blaming Twilight for the vampire craze. Vampire myths have been popular for centuries.

Then they put some "hot" guys in it and everyone has a fascinated with them.

one of my classmates actually thinks that I'm a vampire -.- just because I'm pale, my eyes are naturally golden and sometimes they turn a medium red, I'm ALWAYS cold, and he never sees me eat real food. I get how he gets that impression but I'm not a vampire!

Are you sure, 124? How are we supposed to know you're not just trying to make us think you're not a vampire? O_ô

The lady's nuts. Hopefully she doesn't start thinking that you're a vampire, which wouldn't be surprising if this escalates. Get her to a doctor, and tell her some better, less weird ways to scare of vampires