Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML
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By
Callyn
| 47
Get her to a mental health professional. If she's that delusional, she needs medical care.
By
JustKittyKat
| 24
At least she isn't one of those people praying everyday to become one.
COMMENTS
By
beef25967
| 2
That sucks.
By
Callyn
| 47
Get her to a mental health professional. If she's that delusional, she needs medical care.
Reply
rldostie
| 19
I agree. This seems like a legitimate mental disorder that can progressively get worse if she doesn't seek help.
Reply
XxDevilxXGt
| 26
I wouldn't say it's a mental disorder, and there's no need to treat her like that. I could say the same about all Christian people and that they need to seek therapy too for believing in magical places, there's no difference. You just need to talk to her somehow and explain how wrong she is.
Reply
Jessiegirl122
| 7
Speaking as a Christian, I don't believe in any "magical places"... I don't know where you got that from.
Reply
RaggleFrock
| 13
72-Speaking as a logical person I assume he meant heaven.
Op tell your wife to get a grip.
Op tell your wife to get a grip.
Reply
twinkiefeets
| 17
I can't rationally listen to you considering you have burn notice listed as one of your favorite shows.
Reply
ninjadinos
| 14
Burn notice is a fucking awesome show.
By
Demonfish
| 14
At least she'll be safe from mosquitoes, and burglars :)
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dinorider_fml
| 4
Yes, because we all know burglars and Mosquitos are scared of onions
Reply
sarah6786
| 14
*garlic.
Reply
dinorider_fml
| 4
Oop, guess I should've read the twilight books so I would know that
Reply
ICastillo
| 24
Are kidding me #52 everyone knows that garlic is deadly to the classic vampires.
Reply
darkhakai
| 18
52: Or you could have just read the FML.
Reply
Demonfish
| 14
Mosquitoes actually are repelled by garlic, and as for the burglars part, well it depends on the burglar :)
Reply
desoto96
| 9
Not if the burglar is a Hispanic! They freaking love garlic!
(I'm hispanic)
(I'm hispanic)
Reply
whosindahouse
| 9
I love garlic. I don't see what's wrong with this. (Sarcasm. Except for the first part)
By
Ainarr
| 29
She probably met Edward Cullen.
I'd do the same thing if I met him.
I'd do the same thing if I met him.
Reply
DrDilllonReese
| 12
Lady*
Reply
KrazieKleo
| 13
You mean douchebag don't you?
Reply
bandeek
| 30
*fairy
Reply
fmlallthetyme
| 23
*Cedric Diggory
Reply
Ainarr
| 29
I don't think people got the gist that I was meaning I'd try to keep that sparkling shit away from me.
Oh well.
Oh well.
By
JustKittyKat
| 24
At least she isn't one of those people praying everyday to become one.
By
stormchaser24
| 24
Tell her to carry a gun with silver bullets or a cross instead.
Reply
zero91
| 4
silver bullets with gun only works on werewolves . try burning the vampire or splash holy water on it or my personal favourite beheading
Reply
TheDrifter
| 23
I'm fairly sure the silver bullet is for werewolves. I've got a couple here I'm considering trying out on the neighbor's Pomeranian to see if they work on all canines.
Reply
MDTeddy
| 13
What does a silver arrow do? Yes, there is such a thing.
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Inheritance
| 10
What you need is a silver bullet with a wooden core. That way it works on both vampires and werewolves.
Reply
LolPieRofl
| 11
How bout a wooden stake with silver tips, that way you could launch it into a vampire or werewolve.
Reply
allforyoux3
| 25
I don't think letting her carry a loaded weapon is such a good idea.
Reply
SoylentCandycorn
| 10
Silver arrows only worked on Ganon, but light arrows are far more effective and fabulous.
Reply
MikeFoxtrot01594
| 11
Anything with a good dismembering factor should work.
Reply
yousuck44
| 11
Omg this sound like trueblood.
Reply
alunamoon
| 7
actually guys, in some interpretations of the vampire mythos, vampires also have an aversion to silver in the same way that werewolves have classically been thought to have.
Reply
VioletRaven1
| 8
Ahh for werewolves right cause if vampires exsist they must to right haha jks lol
Reply
rs89
| 20
#6, this one is expected. No, OP should tell her that yes they do exist, but they controlled the media to show people false weaknesses and thus false weapons and this is how they're going to rule someday. Soon.
Reply
NagainaFier
| 16
10- may e I'm just being a nit-picker here, but I'm pretty sure if you behead ANYTHING, it is going to die instantly. Except chickens and cockroaches.
By
Iniezian
| 18
Tell her that a good but often unheard of way to repel vampires is to have sex 7 times a day.
Reply
Posthuman
| 26
OP's wife: "how does this repel vampires?"
OP: "it shows we're too busy fucking to be drained of blood! Duh!"
OP: "it shows we're too busy fucking to be drained of blood! Duh!"
Reply
ebonyirony
| 29
7 times? god I can barely get my guy to do two.
By
Welshite
| 39
And here I thought it was onion powder that kept vampires away! Now I have to go wash my clothes again...
Does anyone know where there's a garlic powder sale?
Does anyone know where there's a garlic powder sale?
Reply
alycion
| 38
I will send you some. Bring Italian, I keep plenty of garlic of all forms handy at all times.
By
emeraldisle
| 30
I still don't understand why vampires are so popular lately.
Reply
supportcommand
| 17
Because the majority of people are weak minded and impressionable. Thank Hollywood for forcing their garbage upon us.
Reply
xNephilim
| 18
Oh the nerve... Hollywood put a gun to your head and forced you to watch vampire related stuff? How awful, you should consider a lawsuit.
Reply
emeraldisle
| 30
Even 3,000 miles away, I can still feel Hollywood's influence.
Reply
iwadasn
| 32
I don't understand why everyone is blaming Twilight for the vampire craze. Vampire myths have been popular for centuries.
Reply
whosindahouse
| 9
Then they put some "hot" guys in it and everyone has a fascinated with them.
Reply
iceliebedich
| 7
one of my classmates actually thinks that I'm a vampire -.-
just because I'm pale, my eyes are naturally golden and sometimes they turn a medium red, I'm ALWAYS cold, and he never sees me eat real food. I get how he gets that impression but I'm not a vampire!
just because I'm pale, my eyes are naturally golden and sometimes they turn a medium red, I'm ALWAYS cold, and he never sees me eat real food. I get how he gets that impression but I'm not a vampire!
Reply
xNephilim
| 18
Are you sure, 124? How are we supposed to know you're not just trying to make us think you're not a vampire? O_ô
By
0RedPenguin0
| 8
The lady's nuts. Hopefully she doesn't start thinking that you're a vampire, which wouldn't be surprising if this escalates. Get her to a doctor, and tell her some better, less weird ways to scare of vampires