Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML
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By
kritz0
| 10
Stop doing crack!
--Before anyone jumps down my throat...and so very obviously tells me it says heroin in the FML.
Crack is also generally heated up in spoons.
Eff off.
--Before anyone jumps down my throat...and so very obviously tells me it says heroin in the FML.
Crack is also generally heated up in spoons.
Eff off.
Reply
sofiaxxcreeper
| 0
...hmmmm ok
Reply
Blazingcrono
| 6
That's like saying onion rings and fries are the same because they were both deep fried...
So no, she didn't do crack, she did (not) do heroin.
So no, she didn't do crack, she did (not) do heroin.
Reply
kritz0
| 10
No one....DID anything?
Can you read? The OP was accused of doing heroin....because spoons were missing.
A-C-C-U-S-E-D.
I teased the OP and told them to stop doing crack....which is also something that could be heated up in a spoon.
So I A-C-C-U-S-E-D in a way also.
Are you retarded or illiterate...I cannot decide, enlighten me?
Can you read? The OP was accused of doing heroin....because spoons were missing.
A-C-C-U-S-E-D.
I teased the OP and told them to stop doing crack....which is also something that could be heated up in a spoon.
So I A-C-C-U-S-E-D in a way also.
Are you retarded or illiterate...I cannot decide, enlighten me?
Reply
OneLittleAdditio
| 9
wow 14 did u not see that he had the word "not" in parentheses? I guess the question would be are YOU illiterate?
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Actually I did see the word not.
But they also used the word didn't with crack.
Wouldn't it be the SAME idea...the OP didn't do heroin either, their mother only accused them.
Same as me accusing them of doing crack.
Are you also illiterate?
Please reread what I said a few times, slowly, if you did not understand.
But they also used the word didn't with crack.
Wouldn't it be the SAME idea...the OP didn't do heroin either, their mother only accused them.
Same as me accusing them of doing crack.
Are you also illiterate?
Please reread what I said a few times, slowly, if you did not understand.
Reply
Mach10
| 0
Word of advice, sweetie:
If you have to justify a joke in the same sentence as making it, it probably isnt all that funny.
However, making an ass of yourself while defending it vocally like a rabid chihuahua is good for a larff...
Carry on!
If you have to justify a joke in the same sentence as making it, it probably isnt all that funny.
However, making an ass of yourself while defending it vocally like a rabid chihuahua is good for a larff...
Carry on!
Reply
kritz0
| 10
#28!
You got it.
Finally someone who understood.
Lol.
You got it.
Finally someone who understood.
Lol.
Reply
kritz0
| 10
FYI #26.
I had to justify it because I know most of my audience here are complete babbling idiots.
I doubt I would have had to explain if I knew most people would have understood...but I made my joke anyways.
I'm sure the people who got it on the first go found it FUNNY, in the least amusing.
:)
I had to justify it because I know most of my audience here are complete babbling idiots.
I doubt I would have had to explain if I knew most people would have understood...but I made my joke anyways.
I'm sure the people who got it on the first go found it FUNNY, in the least amusing.
:)
Reply
Zebidee
| 8
Fucking hell Kritz - calm down.
Reply
JenL_fml
| 7
Actually, no, it really wasn't that funny. .-.
Reply
kritz0
| 10
I am calm.
I'm pretty sure I sounded pretty calm in my last two responses.
Why....don't you calm down first, lil' fella?
I'm pretty sure I sounded pretty calm in my last two responses.
Why....don't you calm down first, lil' fella?
Reply
Blazingcrono
| 6
I used "didn't" with crack because the FML didn't say crack; you assumed I did to refer to your original post.
I'm a bit sad to see that I can't be both illiterate (when I can read the FML and your comment) AND retarded (when I use punctuations and grammar).
May I add that using retarded is politically incorrect? Unless you really do mean that I'm special :)
Then thanks, but I wouldn't be on here anyways :D
I'm a bit sad to see that I can't be both illiterate (when I can read the FML and your comment) AND retarded (when I use punctuations and grammar).
May I add that using retarded is politically incorrect? Unless you really do mean that I'm special :)
Then thanks, but I wouldn't be on here anyways :D
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Yes, you are very special.
Fyi, I've said my piece I found it a little amusing, obviously you didn't see the relation.
Fyi, I've said my piece I found it a little amusing, obviously you didn't see the relation.
Reply
Blazingcrono
| 6
To each his/her own.
Anyways, successful troll is successful.
Anyways, successful troll is successful.
Reply
GreatGeak
| 8
meh, I'm calling douche bag.
@krits
@krits
Reply
kritz0
| 10
I'm calling idiot, for not being able to decipher from a s and z.
"@Geak"
What is a geak? >.
"@Geak"
What is a geak? >.
Reply
Penguinman909
| 7
It's a geek with a beak.
Reply
seanders
| 10
*grabs popcorn*. We have an epic FML battle brewing! Today's match is Illiterate Retard vs. Thundercunt! Hold on to your seats!:)
And btw, if she's like the cookie monster maybe she was secretly cooking dough on the can.:p
And btw, if she's like the cookie monster maybe she was secretly cooking dough on the can.:p
Reply
kritz0
| 10
A new breed!
Nice.
Nice.
Reply
seanders
| 10
Yes beware the Geak. Not only is it intellectually superior but it can peck your fucking eyes out too!
Reply
realfigueroa
| 1
who the he'll heats up crack with a spoon
Reply
seanders
| 10
74: Blacks
Reply
realfigueroa
| 1
bahhh screw auto correct. I meant hell
Reply
realfigueroa
| 1
pretty sure they have crack pipes for that though
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Uhm....
Every fiending Crack addict I've ever known?
Are you new?
Every fiending Crack addict I've ever known?
Are you new?
Reply
kritz0
| 10
No..the Crack pipe is to smoke the end product.
....
Are you serious?
--Though newbies are sold crack straight up so I can see your view on this.
....
Are you serious?
--Though newbies are sold crack straight up so I can see your view on this.
Reply
nerdsgetmehot
| 22
I'm just going to sit back and watch...I am that starved for entertainment at the moment.
Reply
realfigueroa
| 1
do u smoke crack? are you a crack baby?
By
jordanprodigy023
| 0
You're mom is crazy
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Your*
Reply
realfigueroa
| 1
^grammar cunt^
Reply
HesJustTheBest
| 0
*^Grammar cunt^.
Reply
cloudy01
| 0
^grammar nazi^
Reply
realfigueroa
| 1
^Grammar twat^ *sips on tea and adjusts monocle*
Reply
SouthernPride95
| 19
hahahahahaha
Reply
kritz0
| 10
C-c-c-combo breaker.
Reply
realfigueroa
| 1
c-c-c-c-cunt
Reply
_Itz_Meena_
| 0
what exactly is a "combo breaker"?
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Awes.. Thanks.
Reply
HesJustTheBest
| 0
lol umad realfigueroa?
Reply
realfigueroa
| 1
lol nah just trollin
Reply
kritz0
| 10
You're not really doing a good job.
Reply
realfigueroa
| 1
awww tank u.
Reply
HesJustTheBest
| 0
Kritz, judging from your posts and your shrunken down avatar I thought you were a dude, but then I viewed your profile and realized I was horribly mistaken.
Reply
realfigueroa
| 1
^trollololololo^
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Awesome? I didn't know there were supposed to be gender roles assigned to response type.
Should I be girly and pull in a few 'likes' and 'totally!' 's into my post?
Should I be girly and pull in a few 'likes' and 'totally!' 's into my post?
Reply
HesJustTheBest
| 0
Take it as a compliment. What you suggested would be a surefire way to express your femininity, however it would damage your credibility entirely.
Reply
kritz0
| 10
-_-'
Reply
HesJustTheBest
| 0
¬_¬
Emoticons don't help either.
Emoticons don't help either.
Reply
seanders
| 10
(_/)
(="."=)
('')_('') bunny
(="."=)
('')_('') bunny
Reply
seanders
| 10
(_/)
(='.'=)
(")_(") bunny 2:)
(='.'=)
(")_(") bunny 2:)
Reply
HesJustTheBest
| 0
Double Fail!
Reply
ifyouseekamy666
| 0
c-c-c-c-cunt 2
Reply
nbk1405
| 0
c-c-c-c cunt 3
Reply
iliketurdles
| 7
d-d-d-double c-c-c-combo-breaker!
Reply
extrovertical
| 0
potatoe
Reply
firecapez
| 4
waffles
Reply
tulsafml
| 0
C-C-C Combo breaker breaking combo breakers!!!
Reply
allyrox123
| 0
blue waffels.
Reply
emsiti
| 6
BOO
<scared>
<scared>
Reply
Prankster7o7
| 5
108, that's an awesome belt buckle.
Reply
natirixoxo
| 0
I'm sure the missing spoons weren't the only reason she asked you op, come now
By
cole86
| 0
just say I had a bad COUGH COUGH
Reply
tulsafml
| 0
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah I love you.
Reply
Adorlee
| 11
Nice status ball thingy
Reply
hobbsicle805
| 0
it's called a lava lamp you dumb bimbo
Reply
randomburger
| 7
No that's not a lava lamp dumbass
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tyrecius
| 4
Niggas be trippin
Reply
jessaiee
| 17
Sounds like your mum might be the one on drugs, OP...
By
JenL_fml
| 7
Isn't heroin done through needles? o.O
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Heated up usually on a spoon...with water from a solid form.
Uninformed much?
But yes...it is usually done through a needle....but you can't really shoot up a solid...can ya?
Uninformed much?
But yes...it is usually done through a needle....but you can't really shoot up a solid...can ya?
Reply
Stixx55
| 2
yep
Reply
_Itz_Meena_
| 0
uhm #8- not everyone knows how heroin is prepared.
Reply
bente123
| 6
why are you being so bitchy, sorry she does not do drugs and doesn't know everything about it..
Reply
kritz0
| 10
I would just rather be informed then make a dumbass/ignorant comment.
I do not do drugs either.
Google.
It is there for a reason.
I do not do drugs either.
Google.
It is there for a reason.
Reply
DocBastard
| 38
Kritz, don't jump down people's throats because they don't know how illegal drugs are prepared. That's just asinine. However, you seem to be very well informed about the subject of preparing injectible illicit drugs. Certainly your knowledge is obtained from watching movies, right?
Right?
Right?
Reply
OneLittleAdditio
| 9
nobody likes you 21
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Movies?
What such movies show anyone preparing heroin?
Just because I said I do not do drugs, doesn't give you a history of, well, my own history?
But I've found people who have never touched a illegal substance in their lives have even SOME knowledge of how harder drugs are prepared.
What such movies show anyone preparing heroin?
Just because I said I do not do drugs, doesn't give you a history of, well, my own history?
But I've found people who have never touched a illegal substance in their lives have even SOME knowledge of how harder drugs are prepared.
Reply
kinga08
| 0
25, actually many movies show people preparing heroin. It's been a while since I've seen it, but Requiem for a Dream is one. And almost everyone I know has seen that movie. Google it.
Reply
JenL_fml
| 7
Kritz, why the hell don't you just stop acting like a bitch? I asked a question because I didn't know. You don't have to go calling my comment ignorant just because I don't know how the hell people do heroin. Jeeze. Go get laid or something.
Reply
Tinman70
| 0
Kritz, why so hostile? this topic a sensitive one for you?
Reply
kritz0
| 10
I actually do believe I have seen that movie. Not that I remember it further than his mother buying back her TV.
To my knowledge it wasn't very mainstream when I had seen it and I doubt it is now.
To my knowledge it wasn't very mainstream when I had seen it and I doubt it is now.
Reply
kritz0
| 10
JenL.
Hunny, I wouldn't be 'naturally' immpregnated if I wasn't getting 'laid'.
LOL.
Kthx. ;)
Hunny, I wouldn't be 'naturally' immpregnated if I wasn't getting 'laid'.
LOL.
Kthx. ;)
Reply
JenL_fml
| 7
Oh, and I'm supposed to know that you're 'naturally' impregnated*, right? Sure...
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Obviously not? I wouldn't have had to mention it.
Nor would you have told me to get laid initially if that were the case.
Yes, I am over-explaining.
You seem like you need it.
Nor would you have told me to get laid initially if that were the case.
Yes, I am over-explaining.
You seem like you need it.
Reply
SARSvirus79
| 0
Sometimes when Doc owns people, I find it a little mean and unnecessary, but in this case, it was well-deserved. Seriously, Kritz, not to assume or anything, but if you're PMSing at the moment, it's probably not a great time to go on FML. You just end up looking like a tool. Unless, of course, you're not PMSing, in which case you really are just... y'know, a tool.
Side note: I honestly can't tell if Kritz is poking her tongue out in that picture, or if that's her lip. Do I need my eyes checked?
Side note: I honestly can't tell if Kritz is poking her tongue out in that picture, or if that's her lip. Do I need my eyes checked?
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Maybe you do need your eyes checked?
No I'm not PMS'ing.
But I am hormonal.
Awes...but thanks for calling me a tool?
That is such a cool and brand NEW insult...My my my.
LOL.
No I'm not PMS'ing.
But I am hormonal.
Awes...but thanks for calling me a tool?
That is such a cool and brand NEW insult...My my my.
LOL.
Reply
_Itz_Meena_
| 0
64- I asked that too. :P
18- I hope you realize MOST people have better things to do than research how drugs are prepared. just saying. I get what you were saying and everything but there's no need to be harsh.
18- I hope you realize MOST people have better things to do than research how drugs are prepared. just saying. I get what you were saying and everything but there's no need to be harsh.
Reply
JenL_fml
| 7
Wow, Kritz, you're being so mature right now. Going around on FML and insulting people on their comments. You obviously have nothing better to do, but I will no longer be the one to give you anymore stupid entertainment. Good day, and good luck with your kid. I hope it doesn't turn out like you.
Reply
SARSvirus79
| 0
You're right. "Ignorant", "uninformed" and "dumbass" - these are much more original and witty.
Reply
DocBastard
| 38
Seriously Kritz, congratulations on the pregnancy and everything, but cut it out. I've seen probably a dozen posts from you today, and they're all either nasty or condescending or both. You're spreading more negative energy today than that goddamned Japanese nuclear power plant, so I think I speak for everyone (except you) when I respectfully request that you chill the fuck out.
Reply
_Itz_Meena_
| 0
64- I asked that too.
18- I hope you realize MOST people have better things to do than research how drugs are prepared. I get what you're saying and everything but there's no need to be harsh.
18- I hope you realize MOST people have better things to do than research how drugs are prepared. I get what you're saying and everything but there's no need to be harsh.
Reply
seanders
| 10
Wow this Kritz girl is worse than Hitler.
Reply
SARSvirus79
| 0
Damn my phone. Everyone replies so much faster than me.
Jen has some good points, and 73, I'm glad it's not just me. For the second time today, I think Doc's comment says it all.
Jen has some good points, and 73, I'm glad it's not just me. For the second time today, I think Doc's comment says it all.
Reply
seanders
| 10
Kritz, with your personality the luckiest thing that could happen for your child is a miscarriage
Reply
_Itz_Meena_
| 0
88- that's going way to far. /: even if she is being really bitchy.
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Lol. Oh yes and the luckiest thing about you today is going to be your shitty Karma.
Go ahead and insult me as you much as you want, I've thrown around insults of my own.
But to hope for me to miscarriage my child? That tops it all with the harshness.
Aren't you just a cheery little chap today too, eh?
Go ahead and insult me as you much as you want, I've thrown around insults of my own.
But to hope for me to miscarriage my child? That tops it all with the harshness.
Aren't you just a cheery little chap today too, eh?
Reply
realfigueroa
| 1
eww who the fuck would bone that???
Reply
_Itz_Meena_
| 0
94- I'll be the first to admit, I'm ignorant about a lot of things, drugs included. I don't take it as an insult, it's the truth for me.
but congrats about the baby. :)
but congrats about the baby. :)
Reply
anonymous595
| 0
yup bu to melt :-)
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Thank you.
I did say a lot of things with bitchy intent.
But then again...none of it warranted ANYONE to hope for me to miscarry my child.
I did say a lot of things with bitchy intent.
But then again...none of it warranted ANYONE to hope for me to miscarry my child.
Reply
_Itz_Meena_
| 0
yeah true. hoping someone miscarries is straight up cruel!
Reply
STP907
| 8
You have to melt it on a spoon first to put it into the needle. Heroin usually comes in a powder like substance before you heat it. By turning it into a liquid you can inject it.
Reply
kritz0
| 10
You are so late on this explanation.
But then again...most of the comments have been deleted.
But then again...most of the comments have been deleted.
Reply
instnt1nfction
| 17
you would know
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JenL_fml
| 7
Thanks, 102. Glad to see that there are still people out there who share knowledge without being stuck up.
Reply
kritz0
| 10
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..
hahahahahahahaha.
You sound pretty stuck up right there, kiddo.
Can you tell one of your minions again to tell me to miscarry my child?
Yeah...I might have given you a "stuck-up" response but I didn't wish death on a human life. ;)
hahahahahahahaha.
You sound pretty stuck up right there, kiddo.
Can you tell one of your minions again to tell me to miscarry my child?
Yeah...I might have given you a "stuck-up" response but I didn't wish death on a human life. ;)
Reply
ohthebloodygore
| 16
102, not always. You could always mix it with water or acid(depends on what sort you're using) Could be heated up after to body temperature but for extreme addicts it usually isn't heated up.
OP, I extremely doubt your mum just instantly accused you of drug use because spoons were missing. Is she also going to accuse you of drug use when all the aluminium is gone? You must have done something to make her so paranoid. If you haven't, then FYL.
OP, I extremely doubt your mum just instantly accused you of drug use because spoons were missing. Is she also going to accuse you of drug use when all the aluminium is gone? You must have done something to make her so paranoid. If you haven't, then FYL.
Reply
TehGirreth
| 0
131, Look at 136 and become sad again.
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florecitabetch
| 0
yeah agree with 136 if you didn't then she is really paranoid
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wisericky
| 12
i use a plastic spork when i use herion, but thats just becuse my roommate is crazy about his silverwere.
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sovetskiy
| 8
do you wanna shut up? at least 102 cares to educate himself before he speaks so he doesnt sound like an ignorant ass
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sovetskiy
| 8
that was at 123 by the way...
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JFox
| 8
No, she's probably just paranoid.
My mom thought I was doing heroine once because, even though you're not suppose to put it on sensitive areas, I put IcyHot on my inner arm, because I considered the pain worse than the consequences. My arm was red for quite a while. That was all it took.. no evidence of puncture wounds, just redness.
She also has accused me of asphyxiating myself multiple times, because I had a migraine. Yeah.. it was something she saw on the news.
My mom thought I was doing heroine once because, even though you're not suppose to put it on sensitive areas, I put IcyHot on my inner arm, because I considered the pain worse than the consequences. My arm was red for quite a while. That was all it took.. no evidence of puncture wounds, just redness.
She also has accused me of asphyxiating myself multiple times, because I had a migraine. Yeah.. it was something she saw on the news.
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hxcsimba
| 0
u cook the heroin on spoones with water before u injected it
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godisnowhere41
| 5
it's not like the plastic would melt or anything...
By
memo619
| 0
this is priceless :P
my mom accused me of being gay because I accidentally slapped her bf's ass xD
my mom accused me of being gay because I accidentally slapped her bf's ass xD
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_Itz_Meena_
| 0
hahaha!
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i_love_grrr
| 0
lol
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iFuxxkMyyLyfe
| 0
yeah, accidentally
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brandonm14
| 0
^^ haha win
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kennababy
| 0
hahaha
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elainelovesyou
| 7
Haha!:D
Reply
calvin10
| 0
that IS gay..
Reply
justnbieber
| 0
LMFAO 59
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GaryMuzz
| 4
what that shirt on I'm gonna say ydi
Reply
kylesp78
| 0
just 2 be honest u look gay with that sweater on and the Justin beiber hair cut.
Reply
chuksnwali
| 34
how was it accidental?
By
froob
| 0
rookie mistake, always return the tea spoons.
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liveaboveit
| 1
lol goon!
By
TAHDOGG
| 0
says a lot about the mother ... rofl
By
wisericky
| 12
at least she didnt find the dead hooker.
By
rhpsfan9
| 10
lmao my mom always loses stuff and accuses other people for it but never assume it's drug use
Reply
A7X_LoVeee
| 10
LOLOLOL that was hilarious!
/sarcasm
/sarcasm
By
lillygreen024
| 0
if u were on heroin u would "use" heroin not "do" herion, lol ur moms an idiot
Reply
kritz0
| 10
Watch out...someone might jump down your throat for being so "knowledgeable" about drug use.
OH MY!
Bahahahaha.
OH MY!
Bahahahaha.
Reply
olii_fml
| 0
..?
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SoundnVasion
| 0
Way to look for the tiniest mistakes to call somebody an idiot.
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lilody_fml
| 0
yeah I agree. I think it's quality the mum doesn't know "heroin" slang nor poster. people always over-analyse shit.
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t1mmy_168
| 0
When writing you use "you" instead of "u"
my mom accused me of being gay because I accidentally slapped her bf's ass xD