Intimacy: Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex....

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 90

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 43

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 25

29/01/2011 12:41

Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 707

You deserved it 8 919

Intimacy

Age difference

Kick the bum out

Always call first

21/02/2015 02:54

Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 305

You deserved it 2 616

26/03/2009 11:41

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 223 598

You deserved it 35 674

03/08/2009 12:43

Today, I was just about to get in the shower, when I heard a loud crunch. I thought to myself, boy the neighbours next door must be doing some heavy construction. Two seconds after that thought, my brother knocked on the door to inform me that the neighbours tree had just fallen on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 931

You deserved it 2 478

25/05/2019 12:08

Today, someone overheard my ex talking about ditching me with a year-long lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 126

22/05/2010 02:33

Today, while house sitting, I went to take my pizza out of the oven, not realizing that the oven mitt had a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 770

You deserved it 5 583

18/07/2016 19:35

Today, I had to visit a new office building for a meeting. Halfway through the meeting, I got really nauseous and needed to throw up. I ran to find a bathroom, but got lost and ended up in a printing room. With no other option, I was forced to puke into a large envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 583

You deserved it 864

12/09/2011 05:30

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 211

You deserved it 3 002

10/12/2011 03:41

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I've gained weight. He replied, "Why do you think I've been so often on top lately?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 737

You deserved it 8 923

13/07/2009 18:33

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 573

You deserved it 22 414

15/11/2016 18:25

Today, while on vacation, my brother asked a native of the area for help. Once he got it, he thanked them with "muchos gracias" in the best Spanish accent he could do. We're in Japan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 656

You deserved it 1 003

31/10/2016 15:55

Today, my sister called my Native American friend a bigot for saying he had no problem with the name "Cleveland Indians". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 704

You deserved it 676

08/12/2014 23:23

Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 973

You deserved it 2 753

21/09/2016 22:48

Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear keyring. I had to explain that although many grown women like cuddly toys, I don't. And even if I did, a filthy, soaking wet bear he found in a puddle on the street is not a nice gesture, despite his suggestion I can just wash it in the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 925

You deserved it 1 279

27/11/2015 06:42

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 348

You deserved it 2 164

24/09/2012 14:33

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 924

You deserved it 6 375

Hip cats

By :(( - 24/06/2012 21:45

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 027

You deserved it 50 872

13/02/2011 22:32

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 439

You deserved it 9 512

25/11/2012 23:36

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 016

You deserved it 1 885

30/09/2010 13:25

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 985

You deserved it 5 449

17/03/2015 20:35

Today, for the second time, I had an argument with my mother about whether William Shakespeare was a real person or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 412

You deserved it 2 597

22/08/2012 23:10

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 906

You deserved it 2 166

Bob the Builder

By brunnells22 - 23/06/2020 23:00

Today, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for building an Ikea shelf/dresser combo completely by myself. When going to put the last drawer together, I dropped one of the boards. The corner landed perfectly in the middle of my phone screen, shattering it. It's going to cost $230 to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 242

30/01/2011 13:43

Today, I had a job interview at 9:00am. I left at around 8:30am, and as soon as I got in the car to drive to the interview, I checked my phone again, and it said 10:33. My boyfriend had decided to change the time on my clock as a "joke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 760

You deserved it 4 464

04/11/2012 09:55

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 576

You deserved it 5 417

07/09/2009 06:33

Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 527

You deserved it 6 556

18/01/2012 22:30

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 191

You deserved it 6 758

04/05/2012 14:34

Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 353

You deserved it 4 260

26/09/2010 11:29

Today, I was in my hotel room. I picked up an expensive wine from the mini fridge, just to see what it is. I heard a mechanical "bling". I was charged for it. Then, I tried to put it back, only to hear another "bling". I was charged twice for expensive wine that I won't even drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 667

You deserved it 10 896

11/02/2013 04:26

Today, my mom started referring to me as "The Bitch". When I asked her why, she said that I have always been a bitch, but I was never old enough for her to actually call me a bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 122

You deserved it 7 384

21/06/2009 12:05

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 215

You deserved it 3 251

05/06/2013 09:46

Today, a deaf customer came to my work. In an attempt to connect with him I introduced myself in sign language. He just rolled his eyes and pointed at my name tag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 156

You deserved it 13 175

The Conversationalist

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 00:01

Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 368

11/07/2019 00:03

Today, the guy who sexually assaulted me when I was a child is over to have coffee with my mother. She says that it's OK, because God wouldn't want her to turn away someone who has no family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 943

You deserved it 114

27/02/2018 01:30

Today, my son was finally born. He was the perfect weight, as healthy as can be, and has his father’s dark, chocolate complexion. At least I’m guessing so, since both my wife and I are white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 591

You deserved it 496

08/01/2014 04:21

Today, I lost a bet with my grandma, and now she's coming with me on my next date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 203

You deserved it 34 908

20/10/2010 16:14

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed with a pedestal fan on facing us when my boyfriend sneezed. Where did he sneeze? Into the fan, which then sprayed it all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 228

You deserved it 3 952

13/05/2013 14:16

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 112

You deserved it 7 289

05/01/2011 16:41

Today, while I was out of the office, I'd left my phone charging inside. My boss informed me that since I am clearly running up her electricity bill, it will be deducted out of my already nearly non existent paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 249

You deserved it 4 341

13/05/2010 21:00

Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 922

You deserved it 13 726

16/08/2009 05:19

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 183

You deserved it 8 456

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

UnprecendentedAw 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:02

Maybe you should either lock your door or have your own place. If you're too dumb to figure that out, maybe you shouldn't be having sex.

DynamicDave 11

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:20

I'm a virgin. Not all of us lack grammar, consistency, and sense.

Comments

missjessicaaaa 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 19:59

Haha, that's just messed up. ^.^

gabinel1 0

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 13:42

Mommy has more life experience. Listen to her

cearalaken 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:00

haha wat a mom

comatoast 0

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 17:10

and the next contestant on To Catch a Predator is..........

sexxy_skater 0

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 17:22

118 -do you realy think every pretty girl that you see is going to text you back? SMH.

mikestahhh204 0

Send a private message

Monday 31 January 2011 4:05

text me him a good time. 6037819544

BlackOpsPWNR 0

Send a private message

Monday 31 January 2011 5:32

funny how both the guys tht like u have no picture

janix_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:15

129- exactly what i was thinking...

hakaman_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 August 2011 1:38

Janix, don't text me.

bensharp 5

Send a private message

Saturday 18 August 2012 11:22

128-Thank you for screaming pathetic to the world.

zanysage 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:02

hang on there and ask for more tips from the experienced mom!

gabrielleangeliq 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:02

Don't complain, it's probably sound advice.

UnprecendentedAw 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:02

Maybe you should either lock your door or have your own place. If you're too dumb to figure that out, maybe you shouldn't be having sex.

sherivengeance 3

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 9:54

WTF is with this comment, lol

daminantion 14

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 12:54

WTF us with girls making kiss faces in photos????

gabinel1 0

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 13:44

thats hot. ^ sarcasm. just saying.

KiM1314 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:03

Is your mom perhaps sMiley Cyrus?

KyRidHEART 0

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 5:03

Lame, but i admit, i smiled(:

cearalaken 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:03

what a good mother

jonaslover12345 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:05

parent of the year!!

cearalaken 0

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:05

what a good mother

gabinel1 0

Send a private message

Sunday 30 January 2011 13:45

You posted this comment 3 times.We get it.

banana_buddy 6

Send a private message

Saturday 29 January 2011 20:05

R u making a reference to lighter burns, AKA smileys?