By dumped - United States

You tried

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36522

5589

Sex

Go anyway, see the sights

My body, my choice

OK, well, goodbye

By Anonymous - France

Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53022

You deserved it

6266

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42830

You deserved it

6289

Favorite

By theDiva - Malta

Today, I am down to 3 euros. My mother just stole the last two euros from me. I asked what she needed them for? Condoms. My mother can have safe sex. I can't buy lunch tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34853

You deserved it

2151

Favorite

By justmyluck - Australia

Today, after waiting 3 months, I finally got my wedding dress back from the dry-cleaners. The dry cleaning lasted longer than the marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39365

You deserved it

9985

Favorite

My dear neighbor

Today, I had a very sweet and romantic love note brutally scratched into the door of my brand new car. It was addressed to Cindy. Cindy lives next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2190

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was fired from my job for "lack of work". What that means is that my boss hired his good-for-nothing lazy son, who then got too big of a mortgage, and he had to let me go to pay him a higher salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3889

You deserved it

189

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12276

You deserved it

43465

Favorite

By apparentnerd - United States

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32611

You deserved it

7851

Favorite

By mybossisanass - United States

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71982

You deserved it

4674

Favorite

By rook - United States

Today, my parents tried to convince me to get a divorce. My wife and I are perfectly fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32511

You deserved it

2616

Favorite

By twohoursclosertodeath - United States - Austin

Today, I had to suffer through a two-hour long trivia game with my boyfriend's family. As if that wasn't annoying enough, my boyfriend caused the pair of us to lose by just a single point, because he answered "Quebec" to the question of "What is the capital city of France?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33225

You deserved it

7145

Favorite

By Anonymous - Belgium - Ieper

No kinkshaming on FML

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59547

You deserved it

9295

Favorite

By Hipnog - Czech Republic

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22423

You deserved it

2673

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48320

You deserved it

2631

Favorite

By Jack Slate - 12/12/2020 11:02

Leave me alone!

Today, my anxious, obsessive, overbearing mother called me four times. That's significantly less than usual. When I complained to my dad, he said, "She just worries about you because she loves you." I don't feel loved, I feel smothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

686

You deserved it

117

Favorite

By jackmehoffa - United States - Green Bay

Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31542

You deserved it

5818

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I got promoted to a management position. After work, I went for a drink with my co-manager and a few of our colleagues, where they discussed their plans to take Ecstasy before/during our work Christmas party. Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7944

You deserved it

705

Favorite

By Till We Pass Out - United Kingdom - Halifax

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22589

You deserved it

5265

Favorite

By a genius - United States

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14864

You deserved it

60172

Favorite

By mama

Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to have a "rugrat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1638

You deserved it

321

Favorite

By thatCanadianGuy7 - Canada

Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65833

You deserved it

5025

Favorite

By AmyLeigh - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took my puppy for a walk around town. I had to stop and explain to several people that yes, his head was purple because my little sister wanted to make him look like a Na'vi from Avatar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22182

You deserved it

2486

Favorite

By vetstudentdream - Australia - Bellbowrie

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4714

You deserved it

813

Favorite

By pencilring - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36633

You deserved it

14274

Favorite

By Pill popping zit monster

Today, my period has given to me 4 giant zits, 3 screaming shits, 2 stomach ulcers, and a fever blister on my lips. A few days until Christmas and the gifts keep coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7118

You deserved it

639

Favorite

By Violated - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the train and accidentally wound up resting my head on a strange man's shoulder. When I woke up, I discovered that not only did he not object, but he decided to return the favor by resting his hand on my thigh. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13754

You deserved it

19117

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 07:01 - Ireland

Deadbeat

Today, exactly a year after he ended our relationship days before our son's first Christmas and told me he would always be in mine and our sons lives, I learned my ex got a new girlfriend several months ago, who more than likely is the reason he stopped calling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

781

You deserved it

104

Favorite

By yper - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a nice new dress for a work party. But when I went in, a coworker hurried me into the bathroom saying, "Don't worry we can fix this." She thought someone had been sick on me. Thanks. That was just the pattern of the dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30752

You deserved it

7350

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32854

You deserved it

7818

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I stumbled across "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TV and realized that these awful freaks are going to make more money than I ever will. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30198

You deserved it

3127

Favorite

By sadnj

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with my attractive and seemingly charming neighbor. Yesterday, his house was raided and he was arrested for running a heroin ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5304

You deserved it

386

Favorite

By mbesameh - United States

Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy or a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43631

You deserved it

6230

Favorite

By clayton - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks

13459

You deserved it

43971

Favorite

By Baldy - New Zealand

Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48504

You deserved it

4750

Favorite

By elly - 8/4/2021 14:00

Priorities

Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

692

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By sickbaby - Singapore

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45318

You deserved it

3220

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Moving day

Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26262

You deserved it

3803

Favorite

By uncoretard

Today, I was trying out for my school's athletics team. As I reached the finish line for the 100m sprint, there was so much momentum I couldn't stop. I ended up running into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29982

You deserved it

7925

Favorite

By Baldy

Polly Want a Wax

Today, I was using pre-waxed strips to wax my eyebrows when my parrot investigated by walking through them. He then screamed, flew into my hair, thrashed around, and got stuck. I now have two bald spots and two parrot bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2609

You deserved it

627

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

222533

You deserved it

18945

Favorite

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Top comments

By Mike1313 | 0

#1146769 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:09

Maybe his mother is hot.

By kmwis_00 | 6

#1147428 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:13

Ew! How would he know what his mom looked like in that pose? O.o

COMMENTS

By theOriginalBAM | 0

#1146767 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:08

that sucks sorry op oh and first

theOriginalBAM | 0

#1146783 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:10

oops 2nd*

By Mike1313 | 0

#1146769 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:09

Maybe his mother is hot.

transilvanianson | 3

#2773817 - Monday 27 June 2011 22:42

yeah, you never know... -sarcasm-

By ShoTymBby | 0

#1146771 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:09

umm... hopefully your moms a milf? :) ha

ShoTymBby | 0

#1147424 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:13

oops. * his mom ha

By KianaCaca | 10

#1146773 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:09

Hah wow so does he look at his mother while she's in the shower? :o

By pepsie_fml | 0

#1146776 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:09

ugh. eww

By the_flirtt | 0

#1146780 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:10

haha your probaly fat or his mom is a milf

the_flirtt | 0

#1146792 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:10

or the mom is Milf

skroal | 7

#1147586 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:53

And if OP's boyfriend has kids for some reason, she be a GILF!

rosaleehoohaha | 0

#5013892 - Sunday 7 October 2012 5:01

You look like a douche

By NeroKR13 | 0

#1146789 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:10

wow looool

By hsshae | 0

#1146795 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:11

damn getting with the mom and daughter that's hot

FFML_314 | 11

#1147445 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:15

He said his mother not her mother. OP, your boyfriend is strange. Lol!

hsshae | 0

#1147489 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:24

damn I can't read =( but that is not right

By therealbmw | 2

#1146800 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:12

he could mean his mother poses like that in the shower

By FMGrammar | 0

#1146805 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:12

5-fail