Miscellaneous: Today, my mother told me she forgot what a verb is. I'm homeschooled,... - FML

By asadwa - 05/05/2011 05:38

Today, my mother told me she forgot what a verb is. I'm homeschooled, and she's my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 642

You deserved it 5 084

Stop talking!

Dementia or hate? You decide

Own it

By TVKill3r - 29/03/2013 00:57 - United States

Today, at work while near a cigarette tray outside, a man said, "Thanks for polluting our environment!" All I could say was, "What?" He then said "I'm speaking English you know!" I was cleaning the cigarette tray at the time, don't smoke at all, and was born here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 754

You deserved it 2 746

By melimelo24 - 13/03/2014 09:33 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I watched my daughter squealing with delight in front of a video game. Beating a boss? Slaying an adversary? Completing a quest? Not at all. She was chasing birds, making them fly away, then starting all over again as soon as they landed. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 505

You deserved it 7 495

The unexpected

By RikkiTikkiTavi - 12/11/2019 05:00

Spicy

Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 3 462

Piercing wit

By piercingfreak - 28/08/2011 10:41 - New Zealand

Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 803

You deserved it 4 097

By Anonymous - 18/09/2013 17:41 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I spent all of last night preparing, researching the company, and making sure everything was perfect. My interview was for 8am. I woke up at 10:30 to an alarm that had not gone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 053

You deserved it 8 168

By Cow_girl_cutie - 03/08/2011 07:47 - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. He continued to tell me how he had to piss. We carried on this conversation for about 10 minutes, then I realized that was the most interesting conversation I have had with him in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 317

You deserved it 6 233

By LightsOut - 03/05/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, I finished working a 70 hour work week. I'm a lineman for the electric company, and worked extended hours all week getting people's lights back on after a wind storm. When I got home, my power was out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 488

You deserved it 3 118

By Sam - 20/08/2010 05:34 - United States

Today, after twisting my knee playing soccer with my friends, I had to take myself to the hospital. Apparently finishing the game was more important to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 952

You deserved it 4 638

By Catscratch - 01/09/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 396

You deserved it 3 237

By gnofin - 22/03/2016 21:23 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, and the trunk lid hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 469

You deserved it 2 997

By stuck - 17/06/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 806

You deserved it 10 463

By Mangled Shoelace - 02/02/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I embarrassed myself by screaming for help in a crowded mall when my shoelace got stuck at the top of the escalator. Someone behind me kicked the shoelace and it came out easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 150

You deserved it 2 052

By Anonymous - 05/09/2016 16:23 - United States - Albany

Today, discovered that all the viruses I have gotten on my computer at work haven't been from anything I've done, but because my boss has secretly been using it after hours to download or watch porn so he wouldn't risk getting a virus on his own computer. I've lost 3 major projects due to this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 972

You deserved it 898

By blumaster04 - 22/12/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 281

You deserved it 4 025

By MynameisntToby - 10/12/2009 03:26 - United States

Today, it was raining downtown. I saw an elderly woman crossing the street so I lend her my umbrella and help her across. When we get to the other side, she says "Thank you Toby," and then refuses to give back "her" umbrella to me, loudly enough for a nearby cop to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 938

You deserved it 2 787

By LuckyLoser9 - 03/11/2011 15:44 - United States

Today, I found out that absentmindedly correcting my boss's use of the word "whom" could result in my immediate termination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 719

You deserved it 8 967

Lockdown boredom

By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 02:08 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, thanks to 10 months of lockdown, the most intimate thing I have done on a Saturday night during this time is use a hobby knife to cut 1/4" thick calluses off my feet. I don't even walk anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 145

The price of love

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 20:00

Today, same-sex marriage is finally legal in my country. However, it's taken so long since I got engaged that our perfect wedding venue has gone out of business, and everywhere else is at least three times the price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 338

By embarrassedhubby - 18/09/2010 03:48 - Canada

Spicy

Today, when I came home from work, I saw my wife in nothing but black boots and a Santa hat. My boss and coworker were with me. I now have guys wanting to have a threesome with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 400

You deserved it 6 384

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 18:00

Today, I got a package containing a present from my grandma. It was a pack of cookies someone gave her for her birthday, and which no one in the family wanted to take home when she offered, because we all found the cookies disgusting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 140

By "liisiuu" - 13/07/2017 05:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 967

You deserved it 863

By Emily - 14/02/2011 20:25 - France

Today, I woke up to a good friend of mine leaving my bed. The very friend I've had a crush on for months, and knows exactly how I feel about him. Everything was great until he said, "Yeah, about last night... It's just that you were there, and I was weak. See ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 805

You deserved it 7 227

It's gettin' hott in here…

By Alan - 02/09/2015 20:13 - Germany

Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 691

You deserved it 2 480

By MWT77 - 27/07/2019 15:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I came home from my aunt's funeral to find my basement flooded due to a sewer backup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 81

By Thatkid - 18/02/2009 14:29 - Singapore

Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 676

You deserved it 56 476

By mylovelifeisanepicfail - 12/03/2015 13:53 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 692

You deserved it 3 874

By Anonymous - 20/08/2014 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 131

You deserved it 9 855

By twelvie - 23/03/2015 14:24 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 763

You deserved it 2 895

Don't break my stuff

By erin - 30/11/2021 11:01

Today, I complained to my mom about her always acting cold towards me, and that it feels like she doesn’t love me anymore. Her response was, “You’re damn right I don’t, not since you broke my favorite glass last year.” She used to tell me she’d always love me no matter what. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 102

By Arachnaphobe - 03/06/2016 22:14 - United States - Bloomington

Today, a large spider climbed inside my lunchbox while my mom was making me sandwiches. She didn't tell me about it until after I got home from school, though, and only because I mentioned a strange aftertaste in the sandwiches. She said she didn't want me to worry over lunch because she knows I hate spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 458

You deserved it 1 052

By katiekat - 05/01/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 913

You deserved it 12 622

Troublemaker

By RIP - 08/11/2019 08:00 - United States - Lambertville

Today at 10:00 pm, someone rang my doorbell 4 times, while I was sleeping. I thought it was an emergency and I opened the door to my neighbor who just want to ask if I had a blackout at noon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 07/09/2016 03:02 - Canada

Today I was very excited to go to the post office to claim a parcel. I didn't know what it could be, so I assumed it was a gift. It turned out to be a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 080

You deserved it 2 562

By jeeperspeepers - 02/08/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 118

You deserved it 132 725

By betrayed - 16/07/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 363

You deserved it 4 570

By unknown - 17/08/2019 02:00 - Canada

Today, my wife figured out I gave her a dollar store ring for our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 4 576

Bad sex

By izzie - 09/05/2010 14:15 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 425

You deserved it 5 049

By Anonymous - 21/06/2016 23:24 - United States - Winder

Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 480

You deserved it 1 071

By loki - 13/03/2010 09:17 - United States

Today, my roommate and I finally went to the DMV to transfer our vehicle ownership title to our names. On our way out, we joked that we were now responsible for any violations involving our car. We came back to a $35 parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 947

You deserved it 23 427

By fuji - 16/10/2018 17:30

Today, I was pulled over and given a ticket for a broken tail light. On the way to the mechanic. To get my tail light fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 265

You deserved it 167

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Thursday 5 May 2011 11:53

Tough Luck, bub.

metalhead3213 1

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Thursday 5 May 2011 12:02

that's what schoolhouse rock is for.

Comments

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Thursday 5 May 2011 11:53

Tough Luck, bub.

volley4eva1698 0

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Thursday 5 May 2011 13:03

how do you forget what a verb is? ahww I'm sorry op :/

yaer 4

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Thursday 5 May 2011 13:10

38 I agree! FYL op, your mother has Alzheimer's!

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Thursday 5 May 2011 13:11

how gives

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Thursday 5 May 2011 13:21

He sure have a sucky life.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 13:28

I think that means no more homeschooling for you.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 13:48

good luck :(

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Thursday 5 May 2011 14:06

man.. goodluck in the future. you'll prob learn algebra when ur 20 at this rate.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 14:07

wait wait wait WAIT. if OP is at a decent age how do THEY not know what a verb is most of us learned in maybe 2 or 3rd grade it depends but honestly if you don't know and couldn't show your mom then YDI (I understand it doesn't say this in the OP's statement I'm JS)

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Thursday 5 May 2011 14:44

60 I think Google's a better teacher than school itself.

sterlingarcher 1

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Thursday 5 May 2011 14:51

that's pretty sad

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Thursday 5 May 2011 15:05

hahah agreed! Google it.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 15:09

Haha, google does wonders. Tell your mom to use it.

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Thursday 5 May 2011 15:22

74 - stfu. and lol OP I was homeschooled too but my mom never forgot stuff like that but she was lazy sometimes and didn't teach me stuff so I got behind on mat and geography :( thank GOD though I went to this homeschool school so I got caught up and actually learned shit. I'm lazy like my mom, so there's no way in homeschooling my kids. lol

Insomnitastic 0

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Thursday 5 May 2011 17:03

Verb - it's what you do...

Kn0wledge123 21

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Thursday 5 May 2011 17:05

Why should 74 stfu? It's actually a good question...

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Thursday 5 May 2011 18:00

I totally agree with 74. op is old enough to use the Internet and post fmls. They should know what a verb is by now.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 18:12

I think it's time you go back to school...

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Thursday 5 May 2011 18:20

"Hey Mom, if I use 'they' as a gender-neutral singular noun in casual speech, should the verb be plural or singular?" "Uh... Remind me what a verb is again, will you?" Point being, OP probably does know what a verb is.

ydi_4_suking 20

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Thursday 5 May 2011 18:27

homeschooling is easy. usually you have a textbook in front of you. look that shit up or use google. and why dont you know what a verb is? damn kids these days

LairaIsKindaCool 6

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Thursday 5 May 2011 20:32

try google ... works wonders (:

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Thursday 5 May 2011 22:04

Lulz, 100 you tell 74 to "stfu" but then you proceed to ramble on about your life. As for OP, your mother is an idiot. Time for public school!

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Friday 6 May 2011 4:44

cool story bro

ovechkinisbeast 9

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Friday 6 May 2011 5:05

person, place thing or animal, riiiight?

dedrater_kool_u 0

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Friday 6 May 2011 5:29

good one

Me654 0

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Friday 6 May 2011 5:49

verb- it's what you do

signuploginpassw 0

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Monday 9 May 2011 3:15

verrrrrrrrrrb. action word!!!!!!!!

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Wednesday 15 June 2011 21:49

thats a noun

DerangedKitten 6

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Thursday 5 May 2011 11:54

Probably not a good sign...

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Thursday 5 May 2011 13:19

yeah, no kidding right? I wonder if OP has ever been told what an adverb is, LOL.

Alleged_Cranium 7

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Thursday 5 May 2011 13:52

In the phrase "Do you want fries with that?" The verb is "want".

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Thursday 5 May 2011 14:31

I think it's a good sign. One less idiot out in the world while she stays home.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 15:00

albino

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Thursday 5 May 2011 23:35

68: actually it is "do want"... nice try though.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 11:55

She taught it to you so that she can forget about it.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 14:30

OP might be better off teaching herself. time to hit the books!

comepoopwithme 0

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Thursday 5 May 2011 14:53

thats a heavy burden to pass along

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Thursday 5 May 2011 20:38

'member those old commercials!? 'verb-it's what you do!' ;D

IgnorantAmerican 0

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Thursday 5 May 2011 11:55

uh oh

YouReallyDeserve_fml 0

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Friday 6 May 2011 7:59

yeh that's not good...

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Thursday 5 May 2011 11:56

Go to public school, shes taken you as fat as she can!

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Thursday 5 May 2011 13:11

...far?

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Thursday 5 May 2011 13:21

She made OP fat?! LOL.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 15:08

the t is right next to the r so it could have been an honest mistake

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Friday 6 May 2011 0:21

Probably not since she doesn't even know what verb is.

redbluegreen 40

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Thursday 5 May 2011 11:58

In that case, I don't suggest asking her about antonyms or synonyms.

iLazy 0

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Thursday 5 May 2011 13:12

I think even a noun would be out of the question.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 14:31

Try asking her what a syllipsis is. Spontaneous combustion will ensue.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 14:38

*syllepsis

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Thursday 5 May 2011 22:05

Adverbs anyone?

redbluegreen 40

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Saturday 7 May 2011 9:52

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?

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Thursday 5 May 2011 11:58

that sucks.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 12:00

google it

Alleged_Cranium 7

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Thursday 5 May 2011 13:50

In this case the verb is "google".

XxEmoSnowboarder 8

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Friday 6 May 2011 3:03

y dont people ever say yahoo it or bing it? lol its always google

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Friday 6 May 2011 6:01

google owns all do not question mighty google it will find you and take your life

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Sunday 8 May 2011 8:35

#178 because Google returns many more reliable results. Bing and Yahoo have been known to redirect their searches through Google's search engine.

metalhead3213 1

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Thursday 5 May 2011 12:02

that's what schoolhouse rock is for.

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Thursday 5 May 2011 12:48

I learn "How a Bill becomes a Law" watching "School House Rock"! I loved that show. (:

Kn0wledge123 21

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Thursday 5 May 2011 17:07

Lolly lolly lolly, get your adverbs here.

metalhead3213 1

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Thursday 5 May 2011 22:38

i'm doing a play tonight with a bunch of schoolhouse rock songs. it's fun but it's a bit strange

melpo 0

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Friday 6 May 2011 17:54

lol right? The first thing that popped into my head was "verb verb verb, it's an action word."

metalhead3213 1

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Friday 6 May 2011 22:07

Interjections! Show excitment! Or emotion! Halleluia! Halleluia! HALLELUIA YEAH!!!!!..........Darn! That's the end XD

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 7:16

Mushroomhead!!! Sweet

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Sunday 15 September 2013 7:17

3 is the magic number!

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Thursday 29 May 2014 21:56

Conjunction junction. What's your function?

TheWindowLicker 13

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Thursday 5 May 2011 12:06

Umm....say hello to public/online school?

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Thursday 5 May 2011 14:17

maybe even a boarding school? just a thought...

XxEmoSnowboarder 8

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Saturday 7 May 2011 18:55

or just watch school house rock

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 6

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 777

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 1 008