@14, do people typically masturbate at family reunions? I wouldn't imagine that your family is a turn on..

Tell that to my parents

#1, I'd say 6 hours a day or more might count as excessive. Doing it at the dinner table, likewise. Eating is perfectly natural, but the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest is disgusting. The OP should look to see if Nathan's sponsors a Hot Dog Pulling Contest.

Does anybody else remember the FML where the guy was jacking off at a family reunion and they all heard him over the baby monitor?

This. It sucks that your mom outed you like that op - but HOW THE FRICK DOES SHE KNOW?!? How obvious are you being in this "excessive masturbation" venture? I agree with #2. Keep it secret. Keep it safe.

Or her little tugger!

Right. I mean, it'd be slightly less demeaning if OP's mom was only assuming that; but the fact that she KNOWS leads me to think that there's a darker something going on behind the scenes in his mom's mind...

How did she know? Because all boys masturbate excessively. ALL of them. The ones who say they don't are lying.

Doc- I hate it when boys say they don't masturbate. Don't lie. Everybody does, and everybody knows you do. It's only abnormal if you don't.

Moms know all

Okay, that annoys me. Yes, almost all boys do it. But not ever single one. I never did. I never felt the urge to. I'm also asexual, but that doesn't make me not a boy. So you're wrong.

I think you have this backwards. Excessive stupidity is caused by damaged brain cells, not the other way around. Granted, stupidity can also damage brain cells through the actions it causes you to take. lol

not at the family reunion, though.

And not about that aspect of his life...

I feel sorry that you take life this serious.

Yea, and carpal tunnel.

Unless he announces it. "Well I've had enough of this, times for a wank." And his mum immediately jumps on twitter. Poor silly OP!

Because those aren't Jackson Pollock paintings on his wall!