By goodgrief - 30/10/2013 18:28 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy
Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML
I agree, your life sucks 51 919
You deserved it 8 777

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Wowxoxo 17

What's her definition of "excessive"? Masturbation is perfectly normal.

The real FML here is... How did she know that you **********? 0_o

Comments

Wowxoxo 17

What's her definition of "excessive"? Masturbation is perfectly normal.

Gingerette 8

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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gczizza1997 15

@14, do people typically ********** at family reunions? I wouldn't imagine that your family is a turn on..

perdix 29

#1, I'd say 6 hours a day or more might count as excessive. Doing it at the dinner table, likewise. Eating is perfectly natural, but the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest is disgusting. The OP should look to see if Nathan's sponsors a Hot Dog Pulling Contest.

CallMeWindSock 24

Does anybody else remember the FML where the guy was jacking off at a family reunion and they all heard him over the baby monitor?

Sounds like that also damaged your self esteem. Sorry OP, maybe try being quieter?

This. It sucks that your mom outed you like that op - but HOW THE FRICK DOES SHE KNOW?!? How obvious are you being in this "excessive masturbation" venture? I agree with #2. Keep it secret. Keep it safe.

The real FML here is... How did she know that you **********? 0_o

Gingerette 8

Right. I mean, it'd be slightly less demeaning if OP's mom was only assuming that; but the fact that she KNOWS leads me to think that there's a darker something going on behind the scenes in his mom's mind...

How did she know? Because all boys ********** excessively. ALL of them. The ones who say they don't are lying.

fucMyLifeSoHard 18

Doc- I hate it when boys say they don't **********. Don't lie. Everybody does, and everybody knows you do. It's only abnormal if you don't.

SilverInGray 25

Okay, that annoys me. Yes, almost all boys do it. But not ever single one. I never did. I never felt the urge to. I'm also asexual, but that doesn't make me not a boy. So you're wrong.

Tell her that her excessive stupidity will damage her brain cells.

I think you have this backwards. Excessive stupidity is caused by damaged brain cells, not the other way around. Granted, stupidity can also damage brain cells through the actions it causes you to take. lol

well it's a mother's job to worry about her child.

I feel sorry that you take life this serious.

How is it that she knows you do this so often? Is it that evident at home.

Unless he announces it. "Well I've had enough of this, times for a wank." And his mum immediately jumps on twitter. Poor silly OP!

Because those aren't Jackson Pollock paintings on his wall!

Pstraka6 20

You might have to let her know then in front of them how worried you are about her excessive drinking and obviousness

perdix 29

Don't be ridiculous! Before you cause nerve damage, you'll get crippling tendinitis ... and calluses. Don't ask me how I know;)