Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my mom walked in on me jerking it in her bathroom. I'm a 40 year-old man and she's 68. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
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Top comments
Wowxoxo 17
What's her definition of "excessive"? Masturbation is perfectly normal.
Star928 7
The real FML here is... How did she know that you **********? 0_o
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Comments (80)
154rct 7
Billy Joe Armstrong?
surfergirl72 7
1. I'm medical, you're good. 2. I've got decades of experience in this activity that says otherwise. Wank Away, Young Padawan.
Heartx144 4
Wooow, how awkard
pdp_fml 21
Most moms are very perceptive. OP, are you ejaculating into a tissue and then throwing it in your room trash can?
ohSNAPyall 26
Bullshit. My guess is that she is a mean drunk who wanted to embarrass you.
TheMystery13 13
"And I'm worried that your excessive leg spreading is going to cause you to shit out a daughter who turns out to be another drunken ****."
thisisoriginal5 11
That's actually possible. My boyfriend can't cum without having his feet in a certain position from excessive masterbating. It ******* sucks.
kaoticroy 10
Can It even damage anything unless you do it wrong?