Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I bought an electric toothbrush because they're supposed to be a lot healthier than regular ones. My crazy religious mom immediately called me a whore and said she knew what I really wanted to use it for. So that's $80 in the trash. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
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Top comments
odamaliekh 26
Anything can be a ***** if you're brave enough.
worldclassrager 41
What's her reaction to mouthwash or Vaseline?
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Comments (93)
worldclassrager 41
What's her reaction to mouthwash or Vaseline?
RainTears 15
What would mouthwash be used for o-o
A07 48
For mouth washing
brownapple 22
or socks.
Wakachulak 22
I seem to recall an FML of a same content as this one posted a few months ago by a woman. I'm assuming that's OP's sister?
NoName011 12
Even if OP was a girl, that is still a strange thing for the mother to assume.
mattlikesfunions 22
Mouthwash?
Jackimo98 24
You can drink mouthwash to get drunk if you're really desperate enough
worldclassrager 41
It's funny that 23 only understood my comment about mouthwash
connormce10 12
Or a box of Kleenex.
Nilorak 24
Wouldn't a guy be able to use one too?
jerzjay 17
Maybe she thinks op is gay and that he's putting the toothbrush where the sun don't shine
LiteralxShit 15
Seattle?
Nessco 36
He could always use it against the shaft.
SubparAtBest 23
im gonna be honest here, the use of a toothbrush in this way is no doubt far better for the females :/
thatsme293 28
Now that's thinking outside the box my friend.
SubparAtBest 23
I think the mom is just being really anal about the whole toothbrush deal.
randomcritic 14
That wouldn't make him gay, bro. But nice try. Also there are other places to place the toothbrush.
lukian_fml 29
What makes you say that? Magic wand vibrators (and likely others) work amazingly for both sexes.
mspotato135 9
#24, you, my friend, just made my day!
YoursAlways98 13
That wouldn't make him gay...
Preposterous 8
Not impossible...
odamaliekh 26
Anything can be a ***** if you're brave enough.
RedPillSucks 33
no. the song goes ...if you're young at heart
Daevas 18
Oh those naughty cactuses...
ImTheAlpha 30
Just ask DocBastard.
xDeadlyBlade99x 9
A hotel??? Used as a *****? Fun... fun..
LosinIt2008 14
lol
lunaangel 14
religious /creative perv :P the line is so blurry
WitEluded 13
Ask her where in the bible it prohibits electric toothbrushes
swanheart 35
My bible says it's wicked, it also has a lot to say about the evils of flossing too....
Nessco 36
I'd like to know that too.
JKPwnage 27
Then point out the part where it prohibits ham, seafood, tattoos, and women speaking in church (true story)
amileah13 26
And how would she know it was used in that way? Makes ya think!
lovelockdown23 23
Lol maybe because that's what she buys her electric tooth brushes for.
Cads1 24
Just tell her you use it to clean your balls with.
Jdlove2 20
Oh my god, I'm dieing Bwahahahaha
echarlotte 19
You can use it too if you're a little adventurous