Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, I met up with a girl I've been hanging out with a bunch recently. She said that we should be a couple, "unless you have a micropenis", then laughed. I actually do have a micropenis. I couldn't hold it together, and ran out of the bar, crying. FML
Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML
Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML
Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
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Top comments
EvilTurtle 35
It's not about the size of the boat, it's about the motion of the ocean.
rebeccacmlc 22
That's an awful thing to say ... Privacy, intimacy should be respected by everyone, especially those closest to you, and most of all your mother !
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Comments (104)
EvilTurtle 35
It's not about the size of the boat, it's about the motion of the ocean.
Valiantonias 12
It's hard to cross the ocean in a rowboat
Tyrez 32
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
More like puddle HAH!
HoboMeth 33
Whatever floats your boat
Iwannarock1 19
Time to grow up.
ki700 8
I don't know if you realize how small a micropenis is. Maybe Google it
smokecloud_ 37
I googled it and felt sad. Then I went to 'images' and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be on an FBI watchlist because there were way too many naked children
TH_Insomniak 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#19, I know there is a such thing as too small, but I think if you're actually that judgmental on size, you're the one that needs to grow up.
nitrog100 21
A small craft like that isn't rated for ocean use.
ebroks 17
1 naked child is too many naked children in my opinion :P
DBudders 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Awwwww dude there's no other way to say I'm sorry but to say that sucks... Or sips, or whatever you call a ******* on something that small
DBudders 15
Sorry op, that was distasteful. My sincere apologies, my attempt at light heartedness was obviously poorly conveyed.
legendairy3000 16
I thought it was funny.
wobbly1 16
on the plus side, makes anal easier.
darkthunda1324 6
#66 lmao #makesanaleasier
VonBlitzkrieg 27
#disnigga
Symantha23 25
Why does your mom even know about that??
pollymo14 13
Um she's his mom... She has known him his whole life and taken him to doctors appointments and stuff
Denise1988 13
She probably knew he had a micro penis by the time he was 7 so why wouldn't she know?
chrisbeaudoin 26
Why were you talking to your mom about your micro penis in the first place?
betweenwinds 18
I'm betting she just brought it up on all on her own.
KaidensCrow 18
she did change his diapers as a baby......
ladytigerhunts 20
Pretty sure the mom could've noticed when he was a baby.
jaydoug92 21
The penis grows into adulthood..
DBudders 15
Not in op's case
AbtractAngela 17
Well I'm pretty sure babies all have micropenises.
I_Bite 22
she would have noticed while bathing him around 2-3 years old. They are actually very easy to spot young as only the head is visible in most cases
betweenwinds 18
Time to have a talk with mommy about what's okay to talk about in public and what's not okay.
rebeccacmlc 22
That's an awful thing to say ... Privacy, intimacy should be respected by everyone, especially those closest to you, and most of all your mother !
zboot 8
Yeah, I wonder why someone drunk had problems respecting privacy. ..
bapbap_fml 15
I didn't realize micropenis was a real condition, I thought it was just a word made up by Cards Against Humanity. FYL indeed man. Sorry about your dick.
iraisadumbass 14
I LOVE THAT GAME!!!!!!!
Hildy93 21
Settle down #80
Hildy93 21
That's a solid icebreaker to a conversation
Coachjoost79 14
albeit a very small icebreaker!
saffy66 34
I hope your mother is deeply ashamed for her crappy behaviour. That's assuming she even remembers saying it. OP, it might seem like the end of the world to live with this but I know a guy with a very small penis and he has learned to be a confident and popular lover by pleasuring women in ways other than genital sex. If you haven't done so, see a specialist as there may even be surgical procedures to help you.