Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, at work, we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML
Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm Dad." FML
Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML
Today, I went to my husband’s work party where employees could bring a plus one. There, I met the colleague he talks so much about. She looked noticeably disappointed and said to my husband, “Wife?! You told me you were single!” We’ve been married for 7 years. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
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Top comments
SirCharles83 13
Is there any one left out there who isn't a scum bag? What ever happened to having values?
Freethaawave 19
OP is psychic.
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Comments (144)
limitedition 25
Take half his stuff & don't look back. Remember not all guys are like that so when you're ready find a great one.
Polynomial 28
Or ... take half of THEIR stuff, since she has just as much claim to it as she does. Where as if you say "Take half of his stuff..." it implies the presence of a divider, such as a prenuptial agreement, which would mean she has no legal claim to it. But agreed, not all men are like that, OP, you could do better, or since you married him, you must have seen something in him. Try to work through this before bringing in the big D. Good god, I'm turning in to a grammar nazi :(
Ms_ValS 27
If there was ever a time to bring out the big D it would be now. If the mistress hadn't gotten pregnant, who knows, he might have cheated on her for many years to come. You deserve better OP.
limitedition 25
You are right #30 - the reason why I phrased it like that "his" stuff is because that's the way I imagine guys like that see divorce - not as losing a person that loves them but losing material stuff.
amDes 11
And then start calling you Big Red
karlcolt45 19
more important news, you are psychic!
Trisha_aus 15
Yup, next weeks lottery numbers please op?
Grand_Cookie 21
What an asshole.
Hiimhaileypotter 52
Did you get hit with the keyboard in the face? Lol.
Cryptic17_fml 4
Well that escalated quickly
SmexiiBacon 8
Well dying is a bit much. They should definitely be punished in some way though
BadKitty13 28
D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
ohgeejosee 19
Oooh, I can't stand a cheater. There's no excuse for it. And after 6 years of marriage?! Ha! What a joke! Sorry you've wasted your time OP.
StEpHiE1226 12
Two words op...alimony and lawyer.
Llamacod 11
That was 3 words.