Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to... - FML

By woundedexwife - 16/1/2010 01:22 - United States

Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML

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Family values

Toxic parents

Fashion Police

By Daughter of a Dork - 14/9/2018 17:30 - United States - New York

Today, my dad demanded that I break up with my cheating boyfriend. With that revelation, I did some investigating on my own. The other woman is apparently my boyfriend's "cute little" Marshadow that slaughtered my dad's "godlike" Incineroar in a 3DS battle they had. FML

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By Sam - 8/12/2017 01:30

Party for One!

Today, at the supermarket, I bought a cake and had my friend's name put on it. It wasn't anyone's birthday, I just wanted to feel less ashamed about buying a whole cake for myself. FML

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By CrawlingUnderARock - 26/9/2017 16:00

Today, I discovered that a company has been using a photo of me for one of those "she lost 50 pounds" online ads. I'm the "before" photo. FML

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By bride - 27/3/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 00:02

Smash the Patriarchy!

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML

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By tomtomcutiepoof - 13/3/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date with someone he said was very hot. I'm not exactly what you call fit, so I haven't been dating lately. As soon as I got to the restaurant, I spotted the girl. She looked me up and down, said, "You have GOT to be kidding me" and left. FML

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By thatsnice - 9/12/2014 21:19 - United States - Warwick

Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

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By gross. - 28/4/2013 03:25 - United States - Greenville

Today, my friend made me go on a carnival ride. The whole time, I complained that I was going to puke. I didn't, though. She did, all over me. FML

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By Traveler - 9/10/2015 02:06

Today, I learned that your crotch can just light up on the body scanner in the airport for no apparent reason; and when that happens, a thorough pat down of that area will be performed by a confused security officer. FML

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By MouseChaser - 26/11/2009 09:22 - United States

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

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By T.T - 24/8/2010 08:19 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because of an argument about a printer. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 07:32 - Australia

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

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By Balls - 27/5/2017 22:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, for my family, my most impressive quality is I can make spaghetti and meatballs. FML

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By angrystudent - 7/3/2016 22:47 - United States - Franklin

Today, I spent all day doing a project for myself and then for a friend who's sick. Turned out it was a prank everyone in the class was pulling on me. I missed a baseball game because of it. FML

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By Kybo5 - 8/2/2013 05:45 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML

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By Katy3225 - 6/6/2018 15:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

First Impression

Today, it was my first day teaching economics to a university class of 150. For the first 5 minutes, a bunch of students snickered. I asked why. One said, "Your zipper's open, but it doesn't matter because your blue panties are showing through your white pants anyway." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 01:03 - United States

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2016 19:27 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my coworker cornered me in the office bathroom and insisted that, because she's been watching me, I use the bathroom too quickly and must not be washing my hands, and that I have to wash them from now on. FML

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By localbarista - 3/8/2011 23:46 - United States

Today, a customer threw his cup of coffee at me screaming that it wasn't hot enough. Well, maybe it wasn't hot enough for him, but it was sure hot enough to burn me. FML

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By mylifesucks - 26/3/2011 07:05

Today, I laid in bed all night texting my drunk boyfriend and drunk best friend. They were at two different parties, neither of which I was invited to. FML

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By joeshmoe - 15/1/2012 12:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

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By pear8head - 8/8/2009 16:31 - United States

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

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By Rjlup - 11/6/2013 14:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I took my pet rabbit to the vet because I had noticed his genitals looked swollen compared to my other rabbit's. It turns out he's just "gifted". The vet laughed at me. FML

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By callofdutyhater - 21/8/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I finally realized the reason my son's grades have been dropping so much. Every time I drop him off at his tutor's house, they play Call of Duty until I pick him up. FML

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By ilu.xo - 13/1/2010 06:11 - Canada

Today, I found out the guy I've been seeing for 3 months lives at home with his parents. He's 30. They live in a '50+ only' housing complex and he sneaks in the side door. FML

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By Courtney Micallef - 2/4/2020 08:00

Early learner

Today, I was teaching my one-year-old some new words. He pointed to the picture of the pig and said, "Mama". Guess I better start that diet. FML

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By forgotten - 28/2/2013 00:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2016 07:45 - Australia - College Park

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

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By Jaayoung23 - 14/1/2010 15:47 - France

Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

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By justnance - 22/12/2011 18:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I used so many different perfume testers that I passed out on the bus. FML

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By ThisIsMyLife - 15/9/2019 12:00

Flowers (Nothing But)

Today, I bought flowers with my groceries at the grocery store. After the cashier scanned them, he handed them back to me so they wouldn't get crushed in my cart. It was then that I realized he's the first man to ever hand me flowers. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 07:47

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2010 22:47 - United States

Today, I spent the entire day at school being called Meg. My name isn't Meg, so I started to get really annoyed and confused. Later, I found out it was because I look like Meg from the show Family Guy. She's known for being unpopular, unwanted, ugly, and stupid. FML

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By Tess - 18/3/2020 02:01 - United States - Burlington

The Haunting of FML House

Today, hidden deep in my husband's closet, I found a shrine dedicated to a woman named Felicity. After further investigation, I saw printouts of my husband's detailed fantasies of phone sex conversations with Felicity. Felicity was his first wife, and has been dead for nine years. FML

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By kkbb - 14/3/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, I figured out it's the first time my roommate has done the dishes after living together an entire year, but I got to clean up the bubble waterfall that came pouring out of the dishwasher because she couldn't figure out where the detergent was supposed to go. FML

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By SilkySmooth - 28/11/2018 22:00

Today, I realised why my room has been smelling like berries and why sex has been so uncomfortable recently. Apparently boyfriend doesn't know the difference between hair conditioner and lube. FML

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By prettybich - 15/5/2010 18:01 - United States

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

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By StungAlot - 19/6/2012 10:32 - United States

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I was writhing in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet and that I'm embarrassing him. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Ninja!

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2015 12:37 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

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Top comments

By BrownSugar_fml | 5

#777603 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:12

Glad to see the "ex" on that name :)

By coolcat33 | 0

#777586 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:06

to get back at him you should sleep with his uncle. then go home and cut off his weenie with a pair of scissors and make him eat it on a bun.

COMMENTS

By coolcat33 | 0

#777586 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:06

to get back at him you should sleep with his uncle. then go home and cut off his weenie with a pair of scissors and make him eat it on a bun.

Reply

Giulii | 0

#777589 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:06

I agree with coolcat33 :) haha

Reply

mariahrawks | 0

#901453 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:51

agreeeed!

Reply

mouammarkadhafi | 0

#4011541 - Thursday 9 February 2012 2:17

Crazzzzzzzy bitches!

By BrownSugar_fml | 5

#777603 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:12

Glad to see the "ex" on that name :)

By braaap127 | 0

#777631 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:41

wat an asshole wat u do to him

By ipwnallmen | 10

#777634 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:44

have you ever heat the legend of the man, the cheated on wife, and the hot curling iron.... you can plug it in both ways.....for the the other woman... thats about 4-5 ways....

By Nakedsquirrel | 5

#777635 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:45

That sucks. But I'm guessing the two of you had a nonexistant sex life, which is what made him wander astray?

Reply

voveraite | 7

#777840 - Saturday 16 January 2010 13:50

FYI, this is very often NOT the case of why men go astray (even then, having a heart-to-heart discussion does wonders!). Some guys cheat just because THEY CAN, and they do lie to the other woman about some lack of sex in the relationship, when in fact everything was ok, on this level. Sorry, women cheat too, and lie as well. But cheating is not justified...

Reply

ash92_fml | 0

#826957 - Friday 5 February 2010 9:37

him ''wandering astray'' wasn't her fault wanker. if they weren't having sex, its no excuse to cheat.

By AliceC_fml | 3

#777637 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:45

Dump his sorry ass. Now.

By im2good25 | 0

#777649 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:54

Ask for a 3 way

Reply

Cupffin | 0

#778073 - Saturday 16 January 2010 17:48

This.

By breannac | 1

#777651 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:58

dump him!! that's awfull

By 24788 | 6

#777665 - Saturday 16 January 2010 10:21

You should of known something was up.

By AntiChrist7 | 0

#777681 - Saturday 16 January 2010 10:35

Don't marry assholes. YDI