Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML
Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML
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Top comments
WiseGuy79 14
That's damn hilarious but a DO NOT ENTER sign would be even better...
Janawa 22
Well, I hope you get better at sex, for her sake.
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Comments (126)
HypnoticNoises 11
You need to spice up your god damn sex life if she does that.
fullalove 23
No need to be rude, damn.
delay1234 19
Where does one even get one of those?
Melkboy 7
So instead of discussing it with you, she buys a stop sign?
SpamPam 18
Maybe OP's bf is so bad at taking a hint that only a stop sign would work
dudeman1212 22
Yield for pedestrians
Dthsapprntc 23
Your girlfriend has a good sense of humor OP. I actually laughed out loud at this one. Then I had to read it to everyone around me because they were looking at me weird. Weirder than normal I mean. Oh crap, I'm getting sidetracked.... So OP, my advice is simple; foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. Great sex is all about pleasuring your partner (for me anyway) and for some girls, or most (all?) it takes a while to get going, so take your time and hold off on the sex until she is pretty much begging for it. Use your hands and mouth to get her so turned on that she doesn't know what to do with herself. Give her an ******, or maybe two, and then when she is just about to have another one, then you can move on to sex. And try different positions and places. And please talk to her about what she likes and dislikes. And keep paying attention to her during foreplay and sex, I bet she has some tell tale signs that give away whether she likes it or not. Sorry for the long rant, I'm done now.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
but op isn't making it wet..
sward44 9
stop children cuming through
RedPillSucks 33
Slow children at play?
johbstonjacob 8
I hope her new boyfriend likes that
Carol57 2
yeesh! It takes 2 to tango, for Gawds Sake! do a lightly scented body oil massage and kiss her senseless all over. if that don't knock her socks off. just gently ask her what she wants cause you can't read her mind. if...she can't or won't give and take, maybe she needs to forget herself and her orgasms and work on you and yours. If seeing you get excited does nothing for her excitement....maybe she is not for you. The brain sometimes fails us.
tzemmy 25
well if shes into that stuff make her dress like a traffic cop to go with the sign! if youre into that... ;)