Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML
Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML
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Top comments
WiseGuy79 14
That's damn hilarious but a DO NOT ENTER sign would be even better...
Janawa 22
Well, I hope you get better at sex, for her sake.
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Comments (126)
morella_xx 29
Like having sex with Wile E. Coyote.
RedPillSucks 33
Nah. He holds up an umbrella, or a sign that says "yipes"
morella_xx 29
I haven't ventured into the depths of the internet that would tell me this, but if he was having unenthusiastic sex he might find the need to add a "stop" sign into the mix.
frustratedcelt 18
You have to make one in reply "Hammer Time".
ArtOfBreaking 3
But this is when you really start to have fun and think of ways to keep her excited.
dutchy86 20
how can she be bored while having sex!? (have you been doing the starfish position OP?!) fh(er)l
kelsorg 21
a more appropriate sign "you're doing it wrong"
jtea 10
I have to apologize cause I laughed at the image. It does suck but i got a little kick out of it.
LO1014 16
If she gets bored during sex so often that she bought a sign to tell you, there is something seriously lacking in the bedroom.
thatchick1405 17
haha that is actually pretty funny
Cynical_1 26
Be careful...you don't want to get a moving violation. Those can really affect your licence. I hope your insurance is up to date and your plate is properly displayed too!
RedPillSucks 33
Ask her what you need to do to give her an ******. Put your whole head into it.