Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML
Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML
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Top comments
WiseGuy79 14
That's damn hilarious but a DO NOT ENTER sign would be even better...
Janawa 22
Well, I hope you get better at sex, for her sake.
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Comments (126)
froudji_fml 4
Well, actually, this IS funny. HARHARHARHARHAR
rachangie 19
That is hilarious! And it also sucks. She really should have tried just telling you what she wanted instead of buying a sign. Sometimes bossy in bed gets the job done! I suggest roleplay and tons of foreplay...play time really is the best time after all:)
GodOfBeer 5
Get a one way sign, stick it to her ass, then shout - "FK THE LAW - SHORTCUT!"
mbuck87 19
Yeah! Rape her! That'll teach her! *sarcasm*
brokenjawskhan 21
maybe he's a sex addict and does it for way too long.. my friend said he does it straight for 3-4hours continuously and is still not satisfied :/
Zebediabolical 45
I suggest open and honest communication. I for one don't like going down on women because I'm not good at it. I'm not good at it because most women, in my experience, won't give direction. Which leaves me down there doing my best and wondering if it's doing anything at all for her. SEX RULE #1 Women are responsible for their own pleasure. If she can't or won't talk about what she does and doesn't like, she deserves whatever shitty sex she gets. SEX RULE #2: This goes for dudes too.
mbuck87 19
Enthusiasm goes a long way down there. Just write sentences out with your tongue to start with, see where that gets you
Zebediabolical 45
... and also, they pee from there!
worldclassrager 41
This Made Me Laugh...That's Pretty Creative...Maybe Different Positions Will Change How Often You See The Sign...
Axel5238 29
Did she tell you she loved you and responded with "No but my dick does"? If you do that stuff I don't blame her.
bubblemint00 6
or "NO U TURN" sign
Sythana 7
but does she actually use the sign?
englacobain 14
I have to do this, your girlfriend is pretty amazing