Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML
Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML
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Top comments
WiseGuy79 14
That's damn hilarious but a DO NOT ENTER sign would be even better...
Janawa 22
Well, I hope you get better at sex, for her sake.
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Comments (126)
sopy1875 12
try anal
thomcmoore 23
That's pretty much the answer for anything, really.
cakefete2 31
Try some foreplay, romance, and a few new moves. Also ask her what she likes. Maybe she'll turn it into a "don't stop" sign.
91hayek 31
You mean a green light?
mbuck87 19
No I think he means writing 'don't' on the sign
lulinator 40
That's creative and hilarious. But, sorry, OP, that's gotta hurt.
cdalton 12
practice makes perfect....
girI 20
At least you guys have good communication? I mean, this way you can get better, with feedback, although it might seem a bit soul crushing at first...
weveallbeenthere 30
learn to make it enjoyable for her and maybe she will get a don't stop sign.
tj4234 36
Your girlfriend is amazing, this is probably the most amusing thing I have read all day.
DocBastard 40
Yoir girlfriend thought right. That said, if you such at sex (and apparently you do), now would be a good time to ask her what you're doing wrong, what you're doing right, and what you can do to make it better (for both of you). Once you get some tips, she'll probably hold up some different signs. Like "ENTER".
RedPillSucks 33
Deer crossing?
cakefete2 31
Yield to incoming train?
martin8337 36
That's messed up.
ill_Will95 9
If its that bad, she may leave bro.