Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML
Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML
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Top comments
WiseGuy79 14
That's damn hilarious but a DO NOT ENTER sign would be even better...
Janawa 22
Well, I hope you get better at sex, for her sake.
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Comments (126)
buckdharma 38
How many stop signs have you ran op? You better learn how to drive better or you might wind up with a restriction.
cakefete2 31
Maybe he should bring a garden hose to bed.
AZai 5
As a man, I really feel sorry for you.
queenviolet 8
that is pretty messed up. hope you work harder.
KatHelm 17
I take you're not too creative in the sack. Sucks for you.
ckcknight 13
If she's able to hold up a stop sign during; OP, you're doing something wrong.
RachelleMonae 7
lmfao
DarwinWillFixIt 11
Maybe you should fire her. It takes 2 to make it work.
False_Stupidity 42
Should have been a "wrong way" sign
TogeBara 12
Rude! If she isn't pleased with how sex is going between the two of you, she needs to tell you how to keep things interesting or take things to the next level herself. If my gf did that to me, we'd have issues.