Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML
Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
l33tm0nk3y 0
All you people making fun of the OP for not kissing this girl despite having dated for 3 weeks...you're really the most immature ones here. If you think the physical stuff is what matters in a relationship, I'd love to see how your marriages work out. You want to know why so many marriages fail these days? Because so many people try to build them on a foundation of superficial infatuation and physical "intimacy," rather than a deeper emotional and psychological connection. Seriously, quit acting like hormone-flooded 15-year-olds and grow up. That being said...how exactly is this an FML? Okay, so the guinea pig went down her shirt...so what? Animals do stuff like that. I fail to see how this is a bad thing for you, nor how exactly it relates to the fact of dating for 3 weeks without kissing.
ChaosChild 0
Really? Are you jealous of a creature with a 3-5 year life span that eats its young? Really dude if you want to kiss her then kiss her, start with her cheek if you're that nervous.
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Comments (100)
bretty_boieeeeyy 0
zomg you havent kissed her yet? grow up really take it slow and dont be some horn dog who only cares about sex.
aFatFuck 0
81 No one needed to know that...I'm guessing you really wanted to tell some one that?
aFatFuck 0
I hope she doesn't have balls or that sucks for the boyfriend....
meidel 5
Three weeks isn't that long it tools two months for my boyfriend to kiss me.
kay729 7
Why don't you go for it then?
omgiculol 4
geez, u obviously just want to get in her pants. three weeks? seriously have some patience.
ZoeW 0
Maybe she just wants to take it slow, and all the people saying u should dump her or that you're a pussy are stupid.
newmandotcom 6
I know a girl who wouldn't kiss anyone til she was married. She was 22 when she got her first kiss.
frank678 7
I'm 13. And I knew a couple who dated for a year and didn't kiss each other until early September 2011. Don't take it so hard.
coco1998_fml 1
I have a guinea pig but things don't go down like that with him:)