Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML
Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
l33tm0nk3y 0
All you people making fun of the OP for not kissing this girl despite having dated for 3 weeks...you're really the most immature ones here. If you think the physical stuff is what matters in a relationship, I'd love to see how your marriages work out. You want to know why so many marriages fail these days? Because so many people try to build them on a foundation of superficial infatuation and physical "intimacy," rather than a deeper emotional and psychological connection. Seriously, quit acting like hormone-flooded 15-year-olds and grow up. That being said...how exactly is this an FML? Okay, so the guinea pig went down her shirt...so what? Animals do stuff like that. I fail to see how this is a bad thing for you, nor how exactly it relates to the fact of dating for 3 weeks without kissing.
ChaosChild 0
Really? Are you jealous of a creature with a 3-5 year life span that eats its young? Really dude if you want to kiss her then kiss her, start with her cheek if you're that nervous.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (100)
AtrumMessor 1
Three whole weeks? Oh, noes, it's the end of the world! And now you're getting jealous of the guinea pig. Conclusion? You really need to get a friggin' life, bro.
LoosechangeXxXx 0
When I was 11 I got a girlfriend and we kissed right then.
SocialAnarchyX5 0
Get back at her by shoving a gerbil up your ass.
samantha_durano 6
than make a move asshole.
cookiemonster17 0
loser
manbearpig123456 0
I new a guy who was dating for 3 months and they hadn't kissed
Endless 0
me and my gf didn't start kissing until 2 weeks after we started daring and now we've been together for 8 months
DarkPrince_fml 0
-horny guinea pig-
kAhlie 0
haha # 60 WIN
kAhlie 0
I hooked up w my bf the first day I met him and now he is my fiancé we have been together 2 years and are getting married in sept. u r just a loser ....grow a pair and just kiss her