Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML
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Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML
Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
l33tm0nk3y 0
All you people making fun of the OP for not kissing this girl despite having dated for 3 weeks...you're really the most immature ones here. If you think the physical stuff is what matters in a relationship, I'd love to see how your marriages work out. You want to know why so many marriages fail these days? Because so many people try to build them on a foundation of superficial infatuation and physical "intimacy," rather than a deeper emotional and psychological connection. Seriously, quit acting like hormone-flooded 15-year-olds and grow up. That being said...how exactly is this an FML? Okay, so the guinea pig went down her shirt...so what? Animals do stuff like that. I fail to see how this is a bad thing for you, nor how exactly it relates to the fact of dating for 3 weeks without kissing.
ChaosChild 0
Really? Are you jealous of a creature with a 3-5 year life span that eats its young? Really dude if you want to kiss her then kiss her, start with her cheek if you're that nervous.
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Comments (100)
jblover1234 0
going out for 3 weeks and you havent kissed yet? YUPP, that relationship is going no where ..
Rachel420o8 0
that's probably y u haven't gotten under her shirt... loser...
manderella15 0
If you havn't kissed her yet, she's not your girlfriend...
imfallingfast 0
me and my boyfriend didn't kiss till 4 weeks, it's now been 4 months
SpaceBoyy 0
way to steal a line from "emo kid"
greendaygirl999 5
Seriously, you say three weeks like it's been 8 months. Chill dude. She probably is waiting for you to kiss her so be a man and kiss her. Ima keep this comment PG, so you're a flipping weenie.
gbaby2454 0
WTF dude!!! grow a pair of balls and kiss her Jesus Christ
6blondie9 4
haha gerbil jamming!! deff win!!!!!
metallicalizer 0
okay im gonna give you some advice, im 14 and a girl and me and my bf at the moment have been dating for 2 months, he hasnt kissed me either:( the girl will NEVER make a move because we think thats the mans job, and if you dont make a move soon then you might never get the chance to, i want my bf to kiss me sooooo bad and im pretty sure your girl wants you to too. heres an outline i follow everyday- pretend that its the last day on earth, pretend you are going to do things trhat you NEVER would do that youve always wanted to do, this is the last chance in your lifetime to make a move. now pretend that everyday and i promise you will have a kick ass life!
kittykat52810 0
u gotta kiss him I kissed my current bf and my exs because they didn't have the balls haha jk ;] but we girls can't exspect the guys to make all the moves or else u will wait too long and ruin a relationship and op just kiss her most girls want to be kiss not kiss you
smittys 7
Don't be so old fashioned your 14...you shouldn't be like that!!
My2864 1
wow jelous of a guinea pig? the hell mate