Anonymous
United States
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Same thing different taste
Tickdick
Pittsburgh, United States
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
stopinthenameoflove
Dublin, Ireland
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
why
United States
Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML
Pita
United States
Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML
Anonymous
Nice imagery
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents. Trying to make a good impression, so when her dad asked how we met, I jokingly said, “She just couldn’t resist me.” Her mom smiled and asked if we used pet names. Without thinking, I said, “I call her my little burrito.” Her dad choked on his drink, and my girlfriend whispered, “Why would you say that?” FML
Noname
United States
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Anonymous
Cape Town, South Africa
The Conquest of Bread
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML
nick
United States
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
loserllamalick
Rochester, United States
Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML
Top comments
spidergirl41 0
Does she like carrots? Also, don't forget the ranch!!! xD
Dmaster22 0
your penis is orange? JK FYL
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Comments (195)
bobby222 0
YDI for having a rabbit for a girlfriend.
waterynuggets 0
Lmao
the_deuce 0
LMAO funnyyyy
pinksprankles 2
Lmao....Extenze?? Haha Tell her that you didn't know she liked eating carrots so much :P
Lucky_strike_fml 0
OMG! :D:D:D:D
SaintJimmy 0
Much worse than "Lil' Buddy". Scrubs fans, anyone?
some_random_dude 0
scrubs high-five (the todd reference)
Raheemdplayer 7
Doesn't this mean your carrot 'juice' is gonna make ginger kids? FYL
Fadakar 0
Wow, LITTLE Baby Carrot, as if baby wasn't enough. I'm so sorry.
BioProject 0
#23, wrong FML? lol
airplanefood 0
Nope, #23 was just saying that people should be able to take a joke and not get hurt, and that the joke proves how comfortable they are with each other. It's interesting how similar this FML and the next one is - he gets offended by a small penis joke, and she gets offended by a fat joke.
lonelyboy23 0
This happened on an episode of Rescue Me a couple of weeks ago...
helpmeiamblind 0
Well, if she's still happy to play with it then whats the problem? And if it's any consolation, my girlfriend nicknamed mine "Mongo"
urmomsass 0
I thought his name was squirtle?
Night22_fml 4
Apparantly he evolved.