Anonymous
United States
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Tickdick
Pittsburgh, United States
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
stopinthenameoflove
Dublin, Ireland
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
why
United States
Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML
Pita
United States
Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML
Anonymous
Nice imagery
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents. Trying to make a good impression, so when her dad asked how we met, I jokingly said, “She just couldn’t resist me.” Her mom smiled and asked if we used pet names. Without thinking, I said, “I call her my little burrito.” Her dad choked on his drink, and my girlfriend whispered, “Why would you say that?” FML
Noname
United States
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Anonymous
Cape Town, South Africa
The Conquest of Bread
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML
nick
United States
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
loserllamalick
Rochester, United States
Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML
Top comments
spidergirl41 0
Does she like carrots? Also, don't forget the ranch!!! xD
Dmaster22 0
your penis is orange? JK FYL
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Comments (195)
darthhamlet 0
wow! and she's still your girlfriend? that's true love!
bexox 0
So put her in a Playboy bunny costume and feed her the carrot! Problem solved.
myfishisBOBA 0
HA! hahaha i like that
twilightlover15 0
i just peed my pants laughing hahahahaha
sofad15 0
YDI for having stupid girlfriend with stupid jokes
twilightlover15 0
lol i think its cute....she was prob just joking bc she no it would bother you lol
dcstream 0
My girlfriend tried to name my penis once. I slapped her in the face with it and told her to go make me my ******* dinner.
giganticbrain 0
I like the way you think.
jddjr 0
weaksaucery
thebigslim 13
Don't think you have it that bad to be honest... my best friend, his girlfriend names his penis 'Princess Fiona' from Shrek. Things can ALWAYS be worse than what they are, just remember those words.
Judge_Mental 0
Well when she dumps you, a rabbit can give you a ******* xD
jonny2x4 0
Stick it in her ass. She should be thankful be thankful it's little.