Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML
Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
loufol22 5
Did you shoot back at least??
zandalee 20
Time to fight fire with fire!! In the end he will respect you more!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (142)
perdix 31
Make sure you let him know how many rounds you are pumping into his daughter. It'll hurt him worse than the point-blank paintballs will hurt you . . . or maybe not.
perdix 31
OP, check that, this might not be such good advice.
freeze101mam 5
That would probably cause instant "Death" to OP
funky303 6
Your comment is Full of awesome!
DocBastard 40
So you're emptying your balls into his daughter and he's emptying his all over you. Seems fair.
SpottedZebra42 14
That's exactly what was going through my mind. I couldn't have said it better myself.
Aug1508 9
He's just making sure he's little girl doesn't end up with a wimp !
ambamm135 7
*his, whimp*
PeteyPablo12308 20
No, actually it IS 'wimp' Otherwise it would sound like stewie when he says "cool WHIP"
americanafrican 32
do you speak engish 73?
MaddieLynn123 7
Thats great to know he's a protective dad. Bit sorry OP!
Honestly_Lainey 21
He's dating a girl with a protective father, he probably didn't do anything. The gf's dad is just living by the unwritten father "code." My dad lives by it as well -_-
3rdbass 9
So then you figure out his strategy and outmaneuver him so he'll at least respect hourly trying. Your time to shine, OP.
jcamp18 1
Lol out maneuver he is a MARINE
Trisha_aus 15
Hey at least it wasn't a real gun..make sure you never make your gf cry..you know what's coming....
fuckmebutdontfml 16
Look at the bright side at least it was with a paintball and not a sniper riffle... You are also extremely colorful even after removing your clothes :D
Tekeler 3
Once a marine always a marine... Oorah
born_hustla 26
Hooah indeed!! Lol
challan 19
challan 19
Hmmm, I'm blank above! I said that as a military brat, in front of my possible dates, my father has thrown knives with pin point accuracy, shown off his arsenal, explained how he knows thousands of ways to get rid of someone without getting caught, and the one small thing he does that scares many guys off... Breaking walnuts with his thumb. I love my dad!
challan 19
Oh and btw... Oorah is yelled by the Marines, and Hoorah is yelled by the Army. If you're going to correct, make sure you know what you're talking about.
cheetahbaby96 8
Maybe if you don't cry, you'll pass "the test"