By dogproblems - United States - Charlotte Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 29429 You deserved it 3528 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username Today, I got attacked by my own dog. I don't know what will be harder, telling everyone how my dog thought I was a robber or explaining to them why a 25 year old man owns a poodle. FML I agree, your life sucks 27252 You deserved it 16455 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I locked my keys in my car. My spare keys are 45 minutes away in my dorm room. My dorm room keys are attached to my car keys locked in my car. Security said they would let me in as long as I had my school ID. It's on my keychain. FML I agree, your life sucks 30988 You deserved it 7638 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got fired from the job I'd had for eleven years for going onto Facebook while on the clock. When I got home, I saw that my boss had updated his status, from work, to "Finally fired that bitch." FML I agree, your life sucks 36923 You deserved it 10010 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By waltzy777 - United States Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML I agree, your life sucks 13584 You deserved it 82895 148 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rUs7up1d - Guatemala - Guatemala City Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML I agree, your life sucks 31940 You deserved it 2267 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Aginsafa - United States Today, at work my boss told me I have been late, under-productive, and using up a lot of sick days. He says my job is on the line. My reason for barely showing up at work: I've been on maternity leave for 6 weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 38344 You deserved it 3670 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oopsie Today, nine hours into a ten-hour shift, I accidentally told a customer, "You're a problem!" instead of, "You're welcome!" or, "No problem!" She gave me a dirty look and hurried off before I could correct myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 1434 You deserved it 220 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By carl_carl_ - United States - Grand Ledge Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML I agree, your life sucks 15790 Phew, glad it wasn't me 1501 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon13 - United States Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML I agree, your life sucks 21508 You deserved it 94558 174 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Cranford Today, despite seeing her every weekend, her not telling me her work schedule, and her having ignored me every time she gets a boyfriend, my sister is upset that I "don't make more of an effort to see her." Sorry, I'm trying to not rely on people who hurt me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1547 You deserved it 131 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML I agree, your life sucks 186830 You deserved it 29785 191 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pathetic - Poland - Warsaw Don't feed the trolls Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote, "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML I agree, your life sucks 16138 You deserved it 56241 309 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MissSmarts - United States Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML I agree, your life sucks 6957 You deserved it 39480 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tasha84 - United States Today, I got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin. I also got my period. FML I agree, your life sucks 43791 You deserved it 4492 164 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RoseTylerTheDoctor - United States - Boise Today, I told my crush how I feel about him. It's been over 12 hours and he still says he's thinking about it. I asked him about it ; he says he's thinking of how to reject me. FML I agree, your life sucks 3927 You deserved it 406 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By paper towel virgin - United States - Warrensburg Technologically Challenged Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML I agree, your life sucks 22295 You deserved it 40175 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML I agree, your life sucks 6014 You deserved it 1694 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shianna - United States - Holden Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML I agree, your life sucks 22971 You deserved it 13616 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notgreg - United States Today, I found out my neighbor ordered parking tickets for everyone on the block. My car was 4 inches into his driveway, but not obstructing his exit in any way. That didn't stop him from calling in, on a Sunday, at 8 AM, an 88 dollar ticket. He also left a note "Your parking sucks, love, Greg." FML I agree, your life sucks 28538 You deserved it 10381 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TimeWasted - 22/9/2020 14:04 - United States - Tallahassee Out of the frying pan Today, after I got hired on at a new job with perfect hours and pay, worked my two-week notice at my old job, now one week into new job, they let me go because they’re overstaffed and I’m the newest hire. FML I agree, your life sucks 1426 You deserved it 160 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I got so angry at losing in FIFA, I punched a hole in my wall and strained my back and neck doing it. Now I have to lie down on my back because it's too painful to move. FML I agree, your life sucks 1709 You deserved it 8862 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hellostupid - United States Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML I agree, your life sucks 35883 You deserved it 4792 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML I agree, your life sucks 36978 You deserved it 3279 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got a message from the girl I like. She told me to never speak to her again and not even look at her any more. Apparently the letter I wrote to her was perverted, vile and nasty. I never wrote her a letter. FML I agree, your life sucks 41876 You deserved it 2779 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ItHurtsLIkeHell - Malaysia Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML I agree, your life sucks 11877 You deserved it 42932 297 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin. She then describes for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML I agree, your life sucks 89170 You deserved it 4360 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, after 4 years of college to get a BA in Marketing and 2 years to get an MBA, I landed a great job as a receptionist. My boss likes to fist bump when I buzz him through the security door correctly. FML I agree, your life sucks 4100 You deserved it 737 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lunarboy - United States Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML I agree, your life sucks 11676 You deserved it 68657 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lizard - Canada Today, my dad walked in to the arena where I was watching a hockey game with my boyfriend and his friends. My dad was wearing a crazy grey mohawk wig/hat. Meanwhile, my boyfriend just finished telling me how embarassing it would be to be that guy's kid. FML I agree, your life sucks 25096 You deserved it 2118 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML I agree, your life sucks 34276 You deserved it 3556 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PerturbedStudent - United States - Keller Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 22538 You deserved it 1633 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML I agree, your life sucks 26445 You deserved it 64188 177 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shut up loser! Not her fault neither mine Today, my 4 year old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 4385 You deserved it 440 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By violated ._. - United States Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 47235 You deserved it 15310 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Westminster Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML I agree, your life sucks 39201 You deserved it 3255 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous What was the point? Today, four years after my husband passed away, my mother in law thought it was the right time to tell me my husband was cheating on me, and that they had met her and everything. FML I agree, your life sucks 2715 You deserved it 88 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML I agree, your life sucks 48432 You deserved it 2576 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML I agree, your life sucks 24720 You deserved it 1681 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 9/4/2020 08:00 Stolen valor Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a picture a popular girl I don't talk to had posted of her fake ID. She had used my full name and identical signature. FML I agree, your life sucks 1716 You deserved it 104 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kill me Today, while serving at my restaurant, a mother acted as a wing-woman for her son by insisting I read a note he'd written, asking for my number. I had to awkwardly reject the guy in front of his entire family, before having to keep serving them for another hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 6905 You deserved it 479 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fortune789 | 17 #6185417 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:22 Shave your dog. That'll teach him. Send a private message 224 6 Reply
By PenguinBitch | 43 #6185447 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:33 Give your dog a treat and it'll accept its "new" owner. Send a private message 129 2 Reply
By fortune789 | 17 #6185417 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:22 Shave your dog. That'll teach him. Send a private message 224 6 Reply
Reply j_cat187 | 19 #6185462 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:41 Are you insayain? The dog will look like a ball sack. Send a private message 9 29 Reply
Reply Welshite | 39 #6185464 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:42 Yeah, and all his pals will laugh at him during their weekly poker game. Send a private message 39 1 Reply
Reply MrSassypants | 32 #6185487 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 1:11 #12, insayian, don't you mean super saiyan? Send a private message 31 1 Reply
Reply Just_A_Tree | 20 #6185514 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 1:58 #20. "Gasp! Who are you supposed to beeuuhh?" "Kakacarrotcake!" *Freeze Pop stares* "I am real super saiyan!" Send a private message 22 2 Reply
Reply fortune789 | 17 #6185526 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 2:11 I am the true super sand lesbian. Send a private message 18 3 Reply
Reply mxgirl1998 | 26 #6185551 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 2:49 at least he is protective! mine would just welcome in a burglar. Send a private message 32 2 Reply
Reply elixaaaaa | 13 #6185571 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 3:23 Epic. Send a private message 0 7 Reply
Reply Azang7 | 14 #6185610 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 4:55 You profile pick looks like you're 10 years old? Send a private message 1 12 Reply
Reply xapocxbiggunx | 4 #6188221 - Saturday 31 January 2015 2:03 u r no real super sand Send a private message 0 1 Reply
By tealrobot | 15 #6185418 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:22 how thick was your beard ? Send a private message 6 24 Reply
Reply MrSassypants | 32 #6185490 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 1:12 Thicker than oatmeal. That most have been sad to shave of such a wicked awesome beard. Send a private message 21 3 Reply
Reply iLike2Teabag | 27 #6185509 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 1:55 Legend has it that the beard was so thick, a part of his soul was still stuck in there when he shaved it. That's why the dog was barking. Send a private message 52 0 Reply
By Googolman | 29 #6185423 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:24 You should shave your dog. Then you can growl at him. Send a private message 34 10 Reply
By jigglypuff34 | 16 #6185427 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:25 Buy a Santa suit complete with beard. Problem solved and you'll look great for your work conference. Send a private message 14 1 Reply
By igive | 28 #6185429 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:25 Step1.Buy a fake beard. Step2. Put on fake beard. Problem solved. Send a private message 44 1 Reply
By Nicky93 | 9 #6185434 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:27 Bark back! Send a private message 24 1 Reply
Reply thes7274473 | 19 #6185505 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 1:46 That won't help Send a private message 1 19 Reply
Reply nakagi | 4 #6185634 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 5:31 #23 there's something called a joke Send a private message 16 1 Reply
By Googolman | 29 #6185435 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:27 You should shave your dog. Then you can growl at him. Send a private message 13 9 Reply
By PenguinBitch | 43 #6185447 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:33 Give your dog a treat and it'll accept its "new" owner. Send a private message 129 2 Reply
By EKDH | 11 #6185451 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:36 Must of gone from man to baby fast then. Send a private message 8 3 Reply
By JJ_86 | 22 #6185454 - Wednesday 28 January 2015 0:36 Dog be like, "whatchya done to my owner bitch!!" Send a private message 29 3 Reply
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 465 You deserved it 149 4 Comments
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 451 You deserved it 187 4 Comments