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By
TheDrifter
| 23
I hope you hit a homer, because you're not getting past first base again for a while.
By
The_creator_fml
| 2
So her snack was peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat?
Comments
By
Dojan
| 16
Why didn't she turn on the lights?
Reply
zandalee
| 19
Because they live in Pennsylvania silly!! Land of the vampire... Light hurts their eyes!
Reply
FMLsAreAwesome
| 0
Maybe she didn't want to wake OP up. (^o^)/
Reply
l0v3p4in
| 7
Why didn't OP turn on the lights as well rather than swinging a bat aimlessly in the dark?
Reply
Dojan
| 16
14 - The noises that she was making was coming from downstairs. I suppose that the light switch could be really loud or something, but she would have seen better (and so would he) should either of them have turned on the lights.
Aren't vampires from Transylvania and not Pennsylvania though? I think that's where Kresnik and Kudlak originated.
Aren't vampires from Transylvania and not Pennsylvania though? I think that's where Kresnik and Kudlak originated.
Reply
LolFMLnot
| 10
That is so funny one day you guys will remember this and laugh your ass off.
Reply
Cad6
| 24
Is anybody even concerned about the girlfriend? I mean seriously, she got hit by a FUCKING BAT. Instead you all drool over the origins of vampires.
Reply
SmoshFan6
| 0
Swing batter batter swing batter!
Reply
_Oblivion_
| 12
Oh fuck I messed up *hear. *braces for stampede of cyber fucks*
Reply
Fml_FTW228
| 10
38- Where did it say she got hit? It just says that he found out after a swing. So maybe he hit something else, or even nothing, and she saw or heard it and then said something and that is how he found out.
Reply
twifan1901
| 0
47 more like swing better batter!
Reply
The_Terminator
| 2
Forget that why didnt he turn on the lights
Reply
porp1
| 4
But then, who did he say to stay quiet to? ...[girlfriend's name], get in the car, we need to get out of here...
Reply
idntwannaknow
| 3
-35
Or break up.
Or break up.
Reply
annihil8or
| 15
Didn't want to get caught with the munchies obviously
Reply
HollyDolly660
| 8
I think she obviously got hit by the bat, or this wouldn't really be an FML... Durr.
Reply
Cad6
| 24
#89 - Then it wouldn't be an FML.
Reply
TheBonzaiGirl
| 0
Did you miss the part where it said she had night vision goggles on?
;)
;)
Reply
Calyx_fml
| 21
Today was Earth Hour.
Reply
aaahhhfire21
| 0
I really hope u didn't crack her one
Reply
ScubaSteve96
| 0
Lol,"girlfriend be quiet... I said be quiet!! *hits with baseball bat*
Reply
blushy
| 14
can't you tell if your girlfriend is not next to you when you're whispering to her
Reply
cobaltss06
| 1
I feel like I know the OP lol
Reply
oldirtybasterdSE
| 0
Why didn't HE turn on the lights?
By
TheAznEagle
| 0
Remind me to never enter your house uninvited!!!
Reply
KeyboardWarrior
| 10
Well you shouldn't really be showing up at anyone's house uninvited... Especially someone you don't know...
Reply
eeppiicc
| 8
Don't show up at OP's house uninvited!
Reply
LightningCactus
| 12
Shit, they never taught me that in school..
Reply
nofearjenshere
| 12
I hate to turn up, out of the blue, uninvited... But I, couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it...
Reply
yourmama94
| 1
Laughing hard right now...oh Adele...
Reply
aruam365
| 24
I'm concerned about OP's thinking and nerve function, there is a huge difference in feeling someone laying in bed with you and someone not laying in bed with you. A normal person would have felt the lack of another human body in the bed and inferred it might be the girlfriend making noise.
Reply
muurph
| 4
well, that would be a little but creepy.
Reply
hellbilly205
| 17
This reminds me of the family guy episode, when the robbers are in the house and peter hits meg in the head with the bat after the fact of her saying something already... Lol
Reply
ralik1029384756
| 0
Well, you have to remember, he literally JUST woke up when this happened and your body doesn't react quite as fast in that phase.
Reply
adamcichuttek
| 2
94 - he was probably mostly worried about stopping them than making sure she was in bed. I would assume she would be.
Reply
pinky78711
| 5
Agreed
By
alltimelow_heart
| 2
Smooth. XD
Reply
TheElderTROLLZ
| 15
What the hell are you talking about? Define "Smooth."
Reply
KingOfAmazing
| 9
I believe that he was using the slang term of the word smooth, as in "having suave characteristics." Of course, he had a sarcastic tone to his use of the word smooth. So, in all actuality, he is implying the exact opposite of the meaning of the slang definition. So, what was meant was that the OP was not, in fact, smooth. Just clarifying.
Reply
iBanana
| 17
I don't think when he said "Define smooth," that he meant it. I picked up a bit of his sarcasm... I guess you didn't.
Reply
KingOfAmazing
| 9
Excuse me if I'm wrong, but if he was using sarcasm, that was a very poor use of it. Although, you must know exactly what you are talking about. Judging by your astounding grammar skills, you are a highly educated English major. So next time, I should stop wasting my time and try to be more like you.
That was an example of sarcasm used in the correct manner.
That was an example of sarcasm used in the correct manner.
Reply
Perdition
| 4
My question is: how did he not notice that his girlfriend wasn't in bed? That would be my FIRST action.
By
TheDrifter
| 23
I hope you hit a homer, because you're not getting past first base again for a while.
Reply
icrest80
| 4
Amazing word play right there^ well this one will definatly hurt his batting average
Reply
l23VIVE
| 17
It might have been a strike, but he still probably wouldnt get past 2nd even in that case
Reply
theamazingone_12
| 7
you sir are awesome
Reply
Fruitmonster2
| 15
Well, I guess you could say he struck out; on his sex life. ;D No? Okay, I'll be seeing myself out.
Reply
sm0kinBCBudz
| 0
5- you made my night right there holy fuck bro
Reply
TheThree
| 0
Stop
You don't sound "black," or gangster or, "swag."
You sound like a try-hard wangster nerd
(wangster = wannabe gangster)
You don't sound "black," or gangster or, "swag."
You sound like a try-hard wangster nerd
(wangster = wannabe gangster)
By
airforce987
| 20
And you didn't turn a light on first? Idiot.
Reply
thenomad
| 7
If it was a legitimate robbery, turning the lights on would draw unnecessary attention. Bad idea if the robber is armed. Op should have realized his girlfriend was out of bed before searching for the source of the noise.
Reply
airforce987
| 20
I'm sorry, but I disagree. If it WAS a legitimate robbery, fighting the person in the dark would be highly disadvantageous as well as destructive, and the ability to see would be of greater help than the loss of surprise. Also, in cases like this, it makes sure you don't accidentally assault your housemates.
Reply
airforce987
| 20
Also, real robbers generally use flashlights, rather than trying to rummage around for valuables in the dark, using their hands to feel every object they come across at the pace of a snail. OP should have thought before he acted, but I don't blame him. Instincts take over, and I would have probably done the same, except, I would have turned the light on first.
Reply
iBanana
| 17
Has ANYONE stopped to think that the 'girlfriend' in the bed is the robber...?
Reply
thenomad
| 7
67- that's what my weapon light is for... Personally.
Reply
ittsdann
| 6
I'd be more concerned with who was in his bed that he told to be quiet.
Reply
MissHayleyJames
| 7
You shouldn't turn the lights on or the robber can see you too. What you do is blind them with an extremely bright flashlight and as they're squinting and trying to figure it all out, unload a few rounds into them until they stop moving. Then call the cops and let them handle it from there. Robbery Defense 101.
Reply
downtime
| 12
67, If they live in a city its never completely dark. As such, nothing you've said makes sense.
Reply
Kiernan151
| 25
I live in a city and my house gets pitch dark, like I can't even see with the lights off, I've just memorized the layout of my house. @187
By
cheesecakex
| 5
Just say she walked into your bat 'by mistake'...
Reply
CryMoreFMLs
| 14
She must walk at the exact same speed a bat does when it's being swung in the air.
She should try out for olympic walking.
She should try out for olympic walking.
Reply
ladyLALAA
| 28
Very awkward to explain, so I accidentally hit my girlfriend in the face with a bat...
Reply
yahoowizard
| 16
Add in that it was as she left the kitchen then watch as the magic unfolds
By
Miss_Attitude96
| 24
Way to go, I guess you were sleeping on the couch the rest of the night.
Reply
bubbaboyxxx
| 0
*rest of his life
Reply
bizarre_ftw
| 21
It's his house!
(^you can tell by his reaction)
(^you can tell by his reaction)
By
MrFuzzles
| 5
Good thing you're not a gun owner.
Reply
mikeymayhem_87
| 15
Or a sword collector lol
Reply
dethbunny
| 0
Or a ninja!
...
No? Ok, I'll go hide in A corner
...
No? Ok, I'll go hide in A corner
Reply
l23VIVE
| 17
Or a javelin thrower
Reply
l23VIVE
| 17
Or a Tiger breeder
Reply
muurph
| 4
Or single
Reply
KingOfAmazing
| 9
He possibly could be now.
Reply
bvxf
| 2
C-c-c-combo breaker
Reply
bizarre_ftw
| 21
Either that or a murderer
By
The_creator_fml
| 2
So her snack was peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat?
Reply
HentaiBunny
| 4
Yes!! This joke finally makes sense. I love it!!
Reply
hopechancey
| 4
I will never look at that song the same way again...
Reply
TheElderTROLLZ
| 15
88 - Why not?
Reply
Dusty_Busters
| 15
Haha good one
By
monique8axel
| 6
She listened about staying quiet
Reply
silvercamaro
| 21
Not for long
Reply
eruditecognition
| 10
i shouldn't say so but this was hilarious
Reply
muurph
| 4
Obviously. She was probably knocked out.
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