Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
FellowYellow 10
At least your daughter isn't attempting to suck all the oxygen out of the room so you don't have any left XD But in all seriousness OP you should lock the doors before you sleep, sweet dreams!
onealmxwilson 18
How scary this is depends on the age of said daughter.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (112)
birdybirdchirp 18
And what did you do for her to say that?
142_cats 13
You should probably sleep with a cross and a knife.
dachayke 16
Everyone says stuff like that as a kid. My older brother told my mom that he was going to throw a whale at her when he was about 5.
mommabee26 10
#35 throwing a whale & cutting someones head off is two completely different things
usernameis 4
You should seek help from your local exorcist immediately.
VampOfSavannah 31
If I were you, I'd look into getting her a psychologist.
TXFernwoods 26
Small children can be weird. Lock all the knife drawers, and lock you bedroom door. You should be fine(:
tbro47 23
Anyone see the movie sinister? I wouldn't drink anything she gives you either op.
trellz17 19
I'm sorry and I don't know why but this is so funny to me. I guess I can picture my little sister saying this with a straight face even though I know she wouldn't do it.
martin8337 35
Devil's spawn.
it__happens 17
Your the parent. Take charge. She can't do that to you
VampOfSavannah 31
*You're