Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
FellowYellow 10
At least your daughter isn't attempting to suck all the oxygen out of the room so you don't have any left XD But in all seriousness OP you should lock the doors before you sleep, sweet dreams!
onealmxwilson 18
How scary this is depends on the age of said daughter.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (112)
VanadiumV 9
Unless the daughter is really young, she needs to know that saying that kind of shit isn't okay. Especially if it's enough to legitimately scare you.
Vanessa_Leeann26 17
I feel you op, my son told me he wants to eat my skin o_0
Bilbo_Swaggins 5
wtf thats worse than the fml.
Vanessa_Leeann26 17
Lol, yup, It was a little creepy.. He told me that when he was 3. He will be 6 in March so I'm very thankful that he's not followed through! Haha
powerkicker 13
I fear the age...
Bilbo_Swaggins 5
I'm pretty sure she just loves you and wants to squeeze you tight.
newzealand 28
And keep your head all to herself..
worthlessACfan 11
what a nice daughter .. no I'm just kidding, that's quite an odd thing to say, if you should be worried or it depends on her age ..
derpy_batman 4
Yeah, but which head?
lina21 12
Kid needs some serious therapy. Send her to a hospital
frenchiegirl1 6
I hope that you punish her for such a comment, regardless if it's a joke or not. She needs to know that is not okay to say! These days people don't take disrespect too lightly and you don't want to risk someone really overreacting in case she decides to say it to them. Also find out where she learned it and consider having that source censored from now on.
hazardmuffin 21
Depending on how young she is, she may not have even realized what she said was malicious. I knew a man whose daughter once said something similar about cutting his head off and putting it in a box, but all she meant by it was she wanted to be able to take him with her everywhere and didn't even realize she was saying something terrible. She was maybe two or three and just trying to be sweet.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
Sounds like something out of the movie "Orphan"!
kodaechan 6
Question is, which head?