Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
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Top comments
FellowYellow 10
At least your daughter isn't attempting to suck all the oxygen out of the room so you don't have any left XD But in all seriousness OP you should lock the doors before you sleep, sweet dreams!
onealmxwilson 18
How scary this is depends on the age of said daughter.
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Comments (112)
tacojauns 45
Were you watching Axe Cop recently?
NotAPrincess 8
Be afraid.... Very afraid.
olpally 32
Lock your door... NOW! Sounds like Stewie griffin's girlfriend. Haha.
franciscovegas 3
stewie has a gf?!
ilovefall10 21
I wouldn't worry about it too much. I said a bunch of creepy stuff as a child, but I turned out of be a perfect sane person. ...For the most part.
BossMindedFemale 20
your picture just fits perfectly with that last part, lol.
Sitting_Ducki 8
she needs her butt beat and to be stripped of EVERYTHING but the bible and the belt to ask every hour for another beating until she knows you NEVER say those things
DubstepMasta 18
That escalated quickly. What if shes like 5? Ur gonna whip a 5 year old girl with a belt? If you say yes, then that means you need an extra dose of your meds.
VampOfSavannah 31
23, what the **** is WRONG with you?? I hope you don't have any children.
gmc_blossom 21
@23 Leave her with the Bible that way she can read it and become even more insane? Great idea.
MixedGurl97 10
Lock your door
PenguinBitch 43
"Not before I break yours first!" *op snaps daughter's head whilst barbarian scream.*
KB616 11
Lol!
weveallbeenthere 30
no your not. don't be overdramatic
VampOfSavannah 31
*You're
JMichael 25
I'd be scared too OP.
worldclassrager 39
Well I hope you can get to sleep without that happening...