Kids: Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got... - FML

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 14:35 - Taiwan

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 381

You deserved it 4 527

Dysfunctional

Boozehounds

See ya!

By dino0123 - 12/12/2012 17:51 - United States - Herndon

Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 371

You deserved it 4 477

By Anonymous - 17/04/2013 23:01 - United States - Bristol

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 149

You deserved it 5 151

By Noname - 15/10/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 481

You deserved it 3 464

By Cindy1897 - 27/08/2017 20:00

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed and took the pain medicine that the oral surgeon prescribed for me before bed. The pain actually did go away for the most part, until my stomach decided to betray me and make me throw up, forcing my jaw to open more than it could after surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 547

You deserved it 253

By Username - 23/01/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, my best friend came over for dinner and a movie. Moments after arriving, she spent an hour on the phone, and ended up accepting another invitation before leaving. I guess it's dinner for one tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 197

You deserved it 2 598

By lectro - 23/11/2008 08:22 - France

Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 902

You deserved it 30 965

By Kris - 06/12/2010 20:31 - United States

Today, I found my iPhone. Too bad it was when I was getting my clothes out of the washer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 118

You deserved it 29 124

By Noname - 11/02/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 297

You deserved it 5 470

By girlw/ablog - 02/07/2019 11:00 - United States - Austin

Today, while on a bus, an elderly lady sat next to me sneezed so hard, snot literally went flying. I even offered her a napkin, that she refused. After a brief panic and realizing she had nothing to clean her mess with, she "inconspicuously" wiped her snotty hand on my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 119

Abandoned

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 06:56 - Australia

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out, "Hello" had turned into a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 601

You deserved it 2 329

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 20:47 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 053

You deserved it 2 773

By Anonymous - 21/04/2013 17:36 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 131

You deserved it 6 417

By fuckingads - 13/02/2017 19:00 - United States - Brookfield

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex to music, which we hadn't done before. I was getting close when it cut to commercial. I was so turned off by the idea of coming during an ad break that I didn't come at all. Thanks Spotify. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 581

You deserved it 2 063

By Slaanesh - 12/12/2008 12:08 - France

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 023

You deserved it 38 868

By mrteacher - 21/08/2009 22:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was driving to work and I had to pee really badly. I am a teacher and my school was another 20 miles so I stopped on the side of the road. About halfway through, a bus full of laughing kids went by. They were all my students. My pants were down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 169

You deserved it 47 149

By lucas_urev - 15/09/2014 22:19 - United States - Cold Spring Harbor

Today, I had made a cup of my favorite coffee, which I had recently found to be discontinued. To accompany this last cup, I went to get a muffin. As I turned around, I see my son pouring the cup out because I out put it next to the sink and he thought it was dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 698

You deserved it 7 100

By Anonymous - 30/08/2019 12:00

Today, after almost a year of dating and getting dumped out of the blue, I found out my ex-girlfriend wants to get a restraining order against me. I guess dropping a box of her things on her porch after she wouldn't answer her phone is considered stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 158

By Tib - 18/12/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 337

You deserved it 26 396

By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 19:05 - United States - New York

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 791

You deserved it 5 279

By crippled - 08/07/2014 08:40 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 124

You deserved it 4 269

By innocent - 19/04/2017 00:00

Today my best friend called me at 6 a.m., ranting and accusing me of sleeping with her husband. I live two hours away and haven't seen him in person in over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 370

You deserved it 322

Panic

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 02:01

Today, I spent the night at a friend's house after drinking. My phone died and I didn’t charge it. My mom decided I was a missing person, and all of her friends on Facebook decided to post that I was missing. I’m a 27 year-old adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 108

By you're just creepy. - 11/12/2012 08:39 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 007

You deserved it 3 738

By T.C - 23/01/2010 12:21 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out my happily married father has been hiring escorts on-line for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 086

You deserved it 2 502

By Junkrat - 08/12/2016 13:32

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 302

You deserved it 3 231

By Anonymous - 15/10/2012 07:54 - South Africa

Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 056

You deserved it 2 536

By Anonymous - 10/08/2013 19:28 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 480

You deserved it 3 610

By Anonymous - 02/10/2011 11:51 - United States

Today, on my way to work I swerved to avoid hitting a dead animal. Too bad I ended up hitting a live one instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 877

You deserved it 8 983

By Anonymous - 28/04/2012 22:44 - United States

Today, the imperial fist of spring allergies knocked me flat on my ass. The time I was going to spend at the outdoor concert I paid $80 for was instead spent in my car, driving back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 728

You deserved it 3 038

By mkonda - 10/09/2016 17:11 - India

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 919

You deserved it 798

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 17:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 667

You deserved it 6 628

Pampered

By Pinsky - 04/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, the 61 year-old Vice-President of our company complained about a blister to four landscapers working outside in the July heat, for 10 minutes. He then made me carry his lunch bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 72

By SatelliteUser - 03/12/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I called my wife to tell her I finally found a job after 6 months. A man answered the phone claiming to be the cable guy. We cut our cable off when I was laid off 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 718

You deserved it 2 577

By Candace - 27/01/2010 03:31 - United States

Today, my best friend planned a birthday party for me at the local Mexican restaurant. NO ONE showed up. We told the Mexican waiter there would be 18 arriving. Two hours later he brought me free ice cream. Even the non-english speaking waiters knew I was a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 315

You deserved it 3 893

By fuck right off - 04/04/2015 17:32 - United Kingdom - Coalville

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 460

You deserved it 3 006

By Lo - 25/10/2008 16:56

Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 721

You deserved it 4 700

By i.ask.you.how. - 12/07/2009 06:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 580

You deserved it 20 550

By nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Spicy

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 900

You deserved it 20 131

By Anonymous - 16/08/2016 08:26 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I was woken up by my dad screaming that the ship was sinking. I started freaking out before I realized that I was sleeping on my couch at home and was not in fact on a ship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 823

You deserved it 1 792

Masterchef

By Uh-SLEEP - 11/12/2020 03:01 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, our stove broke. Now, we have to cook using a toaster oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 61

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 18:57

Is your face as scary as mine?

perdix 29

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 19:09

They probably taught the kids about pedophiles and your little game is up.

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 18:56

lol that sucks

Marvin_Android 0

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 20:57

Sounds nightmarish. Trying to form a bond with your offspring is pointless anyway. In a few short years, she will want to be off on her own and run away just as fiercely. The fact that she hates and fears you already should make it easier on you in the long-run; no sudden shock when she goes from lovey-dovey to rebellious and hateful. At least now you won't waste your efforts. Too bad you'll still suffer through a miserable existence. Life. Don't talk to me about life.

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 23:02

Oh Marvin. I enjoy reading what you write. it's terrible of me to take pleasure in your woe, but I always look forward to your contributions. (Have you read Warbot in Accounting? Reminds me of you.) Re. FML: Maybe the giant fur coat did the trick? Poor you!

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 0:40

it's going to be a long 18 years

Send a private message

Friday 7 October 2011 1:51

I doubt it's THAT serious.

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 18:57

Is your face as scary as mine?

Selena_is_back 7

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 19:09

you're not scary... ;D I find you attractive... Rawr!

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 19:46

Thanks, but I wouldn't want to "Julian Assange" you. Hit me up in a year and a half. :)

Selena_is_back 7

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 20:12

I can wait... *evil laugh*

zazooftanzania 4

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 23:50

haha good one

millionaire93 0

Send a private message

Saturday 18 December 2010 4:11

ahaha. that's funny.

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 19:01

STRANGER DANGER!!

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 23:25

mom is a stranger now, is she?

macskapingvin 0

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 19:05

Maybe she can't tell the difference between your 'I'm going to hug you' face and your 'I'm a big scary giant I'm going to chase you' face.

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 19:06

Maybe you shouldn't have dressed up like Jason Voorhies, dumbass. You should have learned your lesson from the Halloween Freddy Krueger incident. Some people...

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 0:47

Voorhees dumbass

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 8:20

CoolAsian I'm sure you didn't even know the correct spelling until you googled it.

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 19:06

Don't wear a Noseybonk mask if you're gunna pick up your kid from preschool.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 19:09

They probably taught the kids about pedophiles and your little game is up.

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 19:13

stranger danger! pedobear wants you to try harder.

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 13:35

you are so pretty.

Korro 8

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 19:15

are you sure that was your daughter?

veebs 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 6:07

HAHA FUNNY(:

Send a private message

Thursday 16 December 2010 19:23

st0p beating you're kid and this w0nt happen duh

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 859

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 1 070