Kids: Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face...

By BeatenUpPup - 18/05/2009 12:22 - Canada

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 211

You deserved it 5 799

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Same thing different taste

Fight Club Penguin

By mama bear - 05/06/2020 20:00

Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 029

You deserved it 224

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 05:02 - Australia

Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 045

You deserved it 12 480

That'll look good in the morning

By lizardface - 23/08/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face, except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 593

You deserved it 10 547

By Anonymous - 11/09/2012 04:47 - United States - Norwalk

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 773

You deserved it 2 718

Sorry kiddo

By BrandNewKadillak - 30/04/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 131

You deserved it 11 353

By Laura - 30/11/2010 03:03

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 060

You deserved it 5 388

It's not what you think

By shway - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 966

You deserved it 7 441

Stranger danger

By john doe - 07/12/2013 17:29 - United States - Portland

Today, my 6 year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 059

You deserved it 6 210

By unknown - 15/09/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 180

You deserved it 6 096

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 747

You deserved it 6 903

pancakelover 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:26

At least she didn't ask her to paint a penis on your face.

rukusrazor 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:23

Wouldn't you have thought something or asked while they were painting around your eye?

Comments

rukusrazor 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:23

Wouldn't you have thought something or asked while they were painting around your eye?

freemuffins 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:26

>.> any history of that? Not really a FML

skullet 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:22

AHA THAT SUCKS

Mmcmurdo91 0

Sunday 1 August 2010 16:15

it's funny because your 4 year old can push you.

MaddieMonster 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:29

Not really a FML...

ShadowMystika 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:41

hahahaa your daughter is funny :] she'll do great things someday.

lillian_mcgee 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:30

I don't get it

Yeoman 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:31

You didnt notice all the black pain around around your eye, and no where else? YDI

assurant 12

Thursday 28 May 2015 5:15

I never had back pain before I always had the white pain

pancakelover 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:26

At least she didn't ask her to paint a penis on your face.

Country29 16

Thursday 17 February 2011 1:20

yeah you are really lucky she didnt do that.... that would say something for your daughter tho...

forthelin 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:25

i don't get it did he really get a black eye -- due to some pussy (cat) comment ?

James64138 26

Thursday 26 January 2012 23:47

She*

kittykat1501 31

Monday 18 January 2016 23:00

no, painted on. that's why there were " " around it.

AnnieSure 0

Monday 18 May 2009 20:27

hat's your daughters problem?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 121

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 473

The Top

Today, while moving a couch and repeatedly asking my dad what he was trying to do and him ignoring me, I got my hand slammed between the corner of the couch and a doorway, because my dad shoved the couch without saying anything. I was holding the corner to stop it from falling on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 72

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 692

You deserved it 6 828

Today, I bought a tail for my girlfriend to dress as a cat at a hen party. She put the box in her suitcase, then left to catch her plane. I checked my purchase history and realised it's a cat tail butt plug. Now she keeps ringing me, but I'm too chicken to answer the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 426

You deserved it 5 210

Today, my airline lost my luggage when I flew back from France. They also lost my luggage when I flew to France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 252

You deserved it 2 216

Today, I was locked inside my dorm room. Yeah, inside. How? Some of my floormates decided to stick pennies in the door frame, which jammed the handle. I was stuck inside my room and had to pee really bad. I couldn't call an RA to get me out either. Why? I am the RA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 375

You deserved it 5 016

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 983

You deserved it 4 835

Same thing different taste

Fight Club Penguin

That'll look good in the morning

Sorry kiddo

It's not what you think

Stranger danger

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