Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face, except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML
Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML
Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML
Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
Today, I was picking up my girlfriend's little sister at preschool. A student walked up to me, said, "Hello mister!", and lifted her skirt, showing me her undies. Before I could react, she grinned at me saying, "Buy me ice cream, or I'll scream and say you made me do that." Did I just get blackmailed by a 4 year-old? FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
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Top comments
pancakelover 0
At least she didn't ask her to paint a penis on your face.
rukusrazor 0
Wouldn't you have thought something or asked while they were painting around your eye?
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Comments (88)
kingbee604 0
that sucks for you but understand that she's only 4 and she probably didn't think anything of it she probably just thought it would be funny
AlexNeenan 0
At first I thought this was hard to understand...but not an FML. Then I realized the FML is because your daughter thinks you look better after your husband beats you! Definitely FYL in that case.
jeanniner 0
at least it wasn't a real one...
mizolips 0
pretty rude kid. what did you do
Nothings_Left 0
it could very well be her making your a dalmation from 101 Dalmations, there was one that only had one spot on his face
adam10_fml 0
logic FAIL
simplewhimsy 0
Well gee, the obvious thing to do is to ask why she wanted the lady to paint a black eye on your face instead of immediately feeling sorry for yourself. Maybe your daughter just thought it looks cool. She's FOUR. :P
CandyApple 0
this isnt even funny, i dont get what about it is supposed to be funny so its not really a fml
pmzz678 0
that's great! why do people never appreciate the hilarious things kids do?
hogermite 0
I think everyone is overlooking the real problem - your four year old wanted pussy on her face.