Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face, except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML
Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML
Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML
Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
Today, I was picking up my girlfriend's little sister at preschool. A student walked up to me, said, "Hello mister!", and lifted her skirt, showing me her undies. Before I could react, she grinned at me saying, "Buy me ice cream, or I'll scream and say you made me do that." Did I just get blackmailed by a 4 year-old? FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
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Top comments
pancakelover 0
At least she didn't ask her to paint a penis on your face.
rukusrazor 0
Wouldn't you have thought something or asked while they were painting around your eye?
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Comments (88)
plexico 4
Be glad you didn't get a Dirty Sanchez!
Kitty34_fml 0
Why does a 4 year old know what a black eye is? And why would the face painter agree to do it on you without telling you?
NorfolkDude 2
I'm not fully understanding this FML because I would imagine that to your daugther it was funny to have not because of making you look bad, but because she was having a good time with her mom. It sounds to me like your daugther might have seen you with a black eye before? Perhaps an abusive husband? If so, you should explain to your daugther that when you had the black eye that you were in a lot of pain. However, I'd imagine if your daugther thought it was funny, perhaps you acted strong and told your daugther a funny story about it. Even so, I'm sure your dauther will remember, and when she's old enough to understand, I'm more than positive she will love you further for not showing weakness or anger in front of her. So this isn't an FML really.
24788 7
did you get a black eye painted on or did you get hit?
whoaa_nellie 0
awww that's too cute....ahahaha
meimallworried 0
Did she tell you later she asked for a black eye? Because she could have asked for an eye patch or something. Either way the person who drew it on you probably didn't have a problem with it, so I don't see why you should...
dr_house_MD 0
i dont get it
helios_rex 0
How is this an FML? WORST POST EV4R!!!
ladywaldo 0
Wow **** your life
Emwo 0
that's kind of cute