Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face, except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML
Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML
Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML
Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
Today, I was picking up my girlfriend's little sister at preschool. A student walked up to me, said, "Hello mister!", and lifted her skirt, showing me her undies. Before I could react, she grinned at me saying, "Buy me ice cream, or I'll scream and say you made me do that." Did I just get blackmailed by a 4 year-old? FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
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Top comments
pancakelover 0
At least she didn't ask her to paint a penis on your face.
rukusrazor 0
Wouldn't you have thought something or asked while they were painting around your eye?
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Comments (88)
TheZephyrSon 3
Awww that's awesome...your kid is awesome...
jSOPURE 3
Agreed with #14. Lewl. :)
kellster 2
How was a four-year-old able to shove you into a chair????? And why does she even know what a black eye is? What have you been letting her watch on TV? This whole FML sounds very strange to me. It sounds more like she's thirteen or fourteen, not four. And yeah, how did you not notice that they were only painting near your eye? Why didn't you speak up, or ask what they were painting? Why did you go through this entire thing without appearing to have an ounce of spine? FYL indeed. This is really weird.
ihatecondoms 12
Not really, the kid most likely never “shoved” her, just pushed her towards the chair to get a painting. From the sound of the FML it seems as the mom and kid do things together often, and the daughter was probably trying to be funny. I feel as if the FML is from embarrassment about how she might look like she has a black eye.and why does a 4 year old knowing about a blackeye sound suspicious? Kids around her could get it, she could see it on tv, ect. Dont be an idiot and.
angeldo6695 0
u could de a panda, kids luv those
jesslackszazz 0
Your daughter wanted to get you involved, yes she wanted you to have a black eye. But still, not really a FML.
SonicSophie 0
I don't get it.... how is this an FML?
likeduhhx4 0
atleast she didnt ask for something worse on your face.
katyflinn 0
why did you let them paint on you????
your_face 15
I agree with #21. She's four years old, do you expect maturity...? Shouldn't you be grown up enough, as her mother, to know how to wash off face paint? If not, YDI for having a kid while you're one yourself.
loyalwolf06 0
This is just kind of cute, not an FML at all. 4 year olds do stuff like that because they think it's funny and they think you'll laugh. It doesn't mean she wants you to have a real black eye or anything so I don't get how this is an FML. Really, I agree with #22, there should be some kind of "so what" button. :P