Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face, except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML
Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML
Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML
Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
Today, I was picking up my girlfriend's little sister at preschool. A student walked up to me, said, "Hello mister!", and lifted her skirt, showing me her undies. Before I could react, she grinned at me saying, "Buy me ice cream, or I'll scream and say you made me do that." Did I just get blackmailed by a 4 year-old? FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
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Top comments
pancakelover 0
At least she didn't ask her to paint a penis on your face.
rukusrazor 0
Wouldn't you have thought something or asked while they were painting around your eye?
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Comments (88)
medfoe 1
I would ask for a black eye.
britty13 0
Ha ha ha! Awww Shows you how much she loves her mommy :)
xoxoCheer 0
She's 4.? ahaha she was just having some fun. Let it go :)
bigraws23 0
I hope it was painted on
ilovemydoodle123 0
i know. I really don't understand this fml. very strange
ilovemydoodle123 0
pig pig piggy5/778&
heig2748 0
If you got hit then kill the 4 year old if they drew it on, then wtf are they watching
tylerbecool27 0
giving you a black eye? ahhh shes learning from daddy :)
Friaza 29
Hopefully your daughter isn't trying to tell you something.
2O12 6
Maybe her intention was making you a pirate?
lucasj23 11
and????? what am I missing here