Miscellaneous: Today, my dad yelled for me. It was an emergency. I ran down...

By camille - 29/10/2011 13:40 - United States

Today, my dad yelled for me. It was an emergency. I ran down the stairs, tripped, fell, and limped over to my dad only to find that he wanted me to see a video of someone playing "Bohemian Rhapsody" on the ukulele. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 303

You deserved it 3 173

Miscellaneous

Great start to the day

Get out

Cheating cheater

Not a geography major

By lucille - 21/12/2021 23:02

Today, my daughter tried to argue with me that Scandinavia isn’t a real place. She’s 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 220

By fuck people - 02/08/2013 20:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 974

You deserved it 3 163

By Anonymous - 28/04/2018 01:30

Today, I spent 900 dollars on a ticket for my boyfriend to visit me and he missed the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 209

You deserved it 545

I feel fine

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 18:01

Today, my parents left me several frantic voicemails early this morning about the hurricane, totally in a panic that I wasn’t safe. I called them when I woke up and told them I was fine. They were actually angry that I wasn't in the eye of the storm, because they “worried for nothing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 59

By coffee_princess - 22/07/2010 23:14 - Canada

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 884

You deserved it 4 447

That's hard

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 04:01

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend presented me with his cock with a ribbon on it. Basically, HE wanted sex for MY birthday and had the nerve to accuse me of being ungrateful. For his birthday last month, I gave him multiple Xbox games. He couldn’t even be bothered to get me flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 210

By anonymouss - 21/09/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 047

You deserved it 45 231

By theydidsmellitthough - 08/02/2013 21:59 - Israel - Netanya

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 144

You deserved it 9 359

By Say Cheese - 22/08/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, this girl who has been stalking me for almost 7 months sent me a 12 page text comparing her love for me with her passion for cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 288

You deserved it 3 670

By Anonymous - 01/06/2017 18:00 - Australia

Today, I'm a youth worker. I drove 7 hours to visit a teenage girl I have been working with, and who recently moved. Due to roadworks, it took me 2 hours longer than expected. When I arrived, she told me to fuck off and closed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 100

You deserved it 530

By Username - 09/05/2011 07:38

Today, I learned that chivalry truly is dead when a seemingly fit man pushed me into a door to get a seat on the train before me. My leg is in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 795

You deserved it 3 385

TW: gross

By Unimpressed - 03/06/2009 10:40 - Australia

Today, I was taken a taxi home after drinking too much. I started to feel sick and, not wanting to be charged the cab cleaning fee, threw up into my handbag instead. When we got to my place I then had to fish through that bag for my wallet to pay the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 498

You deserved it 58 887

Are you?

By lxygrl - 20/07/2019 13:07 - United States - Phenix City

Today, I was told I have kidney stones, kidney infections, and a bladder infection and that I have to get admitted into the hospital. I let my boss know, and she replied, "But you're still coming in for your shift tonight, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 224

You deserved it 106

The kindness of strangers

By Anonymous - 25/12/2021 10:59

Today, the stranger I sat next to on a plane was a better father to my son in three hours than my worthless boyfriend has been in five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 411

By schooyou101 - 04/12/2012 00:53 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 781

You deserved it 3 931

By Anonymous - 19/08/2012 05:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 440

You deserved it 4 341

By Riicogonz - 13/08/2018 20:32

Today, while borrowing my girlfriend's dad's truck, I had to pay $120 to prevent it from being towed. I was parked right in front of my apartment unloading heavy furniture into my garage for not even 20 minutes while the apartment manager, who called the tow truck, watched us from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 566

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 23/04/2015 12:28 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 313

You deserved it 2 806

By Anonymous - 08/07/2009 21:43 - Canada

Today, my mom turned to me and said, "You know, you're the kind of person that has to change literally everything about themselves to get a guy to like you." I thought she was joking so I laughed. She then said "Like that. Your laugh... What is that? Change that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 896

You deserved it 5 532

By *SuperCringe* - 28/09/2017 16:00

Today, I was matched with my boss on Tinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 122

You deserved it 964

By Anonymous - 03/05/2009 11:06 - United States

Today, I noticed that someone smeared "wash me" into the grime of my car. I decided to take it to get a wash. I pulled up, put my vehicle in neutral, and kicked back as it slowly started to move. You never realize how long it takes a sun roof to close until water is dumping on your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 758

You deserved it 60 886

By OutOfMyMind - 22/10/2013 00:12 - United States - Port Richey

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 826

You deserved it 12 035

By boardwalk the fuck out of my resturaunt - 17/06/2019 00:01 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I received a tip in Monopoly money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 127

By fleetingmemories - 29/11/2013 23:55 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 953

You deserved it 4 311

Pincushion

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 23:00

Today, I accidentally broke a vase. When I was clearing it up, I used my bare hand to sweep up the shards without thinking. I'm still fishing pieces of broken glass out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 1 904

By notanightowlanymore - 05/01/2016 17:44 - United States - Clyde

Today, my grandfather showed up at my house in a panic. He rushed over, with a gun, because I wasn't answering his texts and he thought something had happened to me. I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 247

You deserved it 2 116

By fluent in two, unlike you - 25/03/2014 18:42 - Mexico

Today, the feedback my teacher wrote on my English assignment was so horrible that it took me half an hour and help from both my parents to decipher it. It turned out to be a scathing criticism of my "poor communication skills". I hate my teachers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 692

You deserved it 3 806

By howtobesingle - 07/04/2016 02:45 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I listened to my best friend complain, again, about the two guys she's seeing, and how she doesn't know which one to choose, because they're both perfect. Meanwhile, I'm cleaning up my dog's loose stools, haven't had a date in over three years and I'm also sharing a room with the very same best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 245

You deserved it 1 980

By CaptainFluffyPaw - 29/06/2015 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 713

You deserved it 1 853

By noneoftheabove - 28/01/2009 05:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 469

You deserved it 2 993

By Mortified - 22/07/2009 09:48 - Australia

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 956

You deserved it 17 343

Nice to see you

By meeee - 13/02/2021 23:01

Today, I saw my 89-year-old grandmother naked. She just moved in with us and apparently, she has an "open door policy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 80

Appropriate?

By JustAnotherTina - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got an email. It said, "Everyone hates you. We voted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 419

You deserved it 5 761

By Stacy - 05/07/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 909

You deserved it 8 422

By Paramedic - 17/11/2009 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 014

You deserved it 4 435

By Anonymous - 04/09/2009 04:31 - Canada

Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 054

You deserved it 3 489

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 343

You deserved it 3 788

By InTheDoghouse23 - 24/08/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 810

You deserved it 59 168

Boom!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 99

By nimrod23 - 18/10/2009 09:28 - Australia

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 997

You deserved it 2 512

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Top comments

yodas0da 12

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Saturday 29 October 2011 19:24

hey, bohemian rhapsody is a classic :)

s0m3guy2010 21

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Saturday 29 October 2011 19:25

He was actually trying to confess that he killed a man... and perhaps that thunderbolts of lightning are really really frightening him.

NotSuchAFunTime 9

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Saturday 29 October 2011 19:24

That video is of me. Your welcome..(;

isitinmybedroom 11

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Saturday 29 October 2011 19:30

i really doubt that

s0m3guy2010 21

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Saturday 29 October 2011 19:34

1- You mean you are on death row waiting on the electric chair? You're handling this pretty well.

Jammy01jams 2

Saturday 29 October 2011 19:35

It wad probably worth it for Queen!

blackheart24 10

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Saturday 29 October 2011 19:40

It seems worth it to me... Bohemian Rhapsody is a freaking hit. Plus, Freddy Mercury was a genius sooo I think we can all agree that op's injury was worth it :)

white16sox 19

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Saturday 29 October 2011 20:00

**you're and I doubt that 1.

NotSuchAFunTime 9

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Saturday 29 October 2011 20:12

Wow.. It's like people don't understand sarcasm anymore? Chill out, damn. :P

syki 22

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Saturday 29 October 2011 20:26

^ Wow, it's like people don't know the definition of sarcasm anymore? Damn. :P lol

Jovecove 13

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Saturday 29 October 2011 21:01

It's worth the fall, I mean, it's Queen!

blackheart24 10

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Saturday 29 October 2011 22:46

Mama, just killed a man... Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead. Mama, life it just begun... But now I've gone and thrown it all away! Mama, ooo ooooo ooo.... Didn't mean to make you cry! If I'm not back again this time tomoro! Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters :)

omgthatsosuppera 4

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Saturday 29 October 2011 23:11

Unless that ukulele player was Charlie, then it might not have been worth it much

False_Stupidity 41

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Monday 31 October 2011 6:03

#16, 19 & 42... where does it say Queen was playing? It could have been some no talent plucking notes on a ukulele on you tube that somehow sounded like bohemian rhapsody.. That would NOT be worth it.

toxicangst 2

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 4:56

nice!

yodas0da 12

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Saturday 29 October 2011 19:24

hey, bohemian rhapsody is a classic :)

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Saturday 29 October 2011 19:55

Sounds like something my dad would do :P

ColdplaySucks 18

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Saturday 29 October 2011 20:46

That song is a piece of shit.

zombicidal 11

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Saturday 29 October 2011 20:57

the fact that the annoying kids from glee sang it ruined the whole song for me

The_Troller 14

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Saturday 29 October 2011 21:06

That's something my dad would do. He woke my mom up last nigh just to show her a remix of a classical song by Apocalyptica. And a techno remix.

thisisafunnyname 12

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Saturday 29 October 2011 21:21

bohemian rhapsody is awesome. so is apocaptica. i can play some of apocalypticas stuff on my cello

The_Troller 14

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Saturday 29 October 2011 22:35

Yeah my dad played them because my sister is learning to play cello.

zukinihudini 0

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Sunday 30 October 2011 14:58

any awesome video of a song by Queen can be declared an emergency

twinboo3 4

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Saturday 29 October 2011 19:25

LOL

knighthawk69 0

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Saturday 29 October 2011 21:47

Youre hot

yourlifeisbetter_fml 0

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Sunday 30 October 2011 6:14

Can't tell if you're trolling or just stupid...

s0m3guy2010 21

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Saturday 29 October 2011 19:25

He was actually trying to confess that he killed a man... and perhaps that thunderbolts of lightning are really really frightening him.

pandm101 0

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Saturday 29 October 2011 20:33

Galileo, Galileo figaro! Magnificoooooooo.

mrosew442 10

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Sunday 30 October 2011 5:02

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!

ZXDriver 0

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Sunday 30 October 2011 6:57

O mama Mia, mama Mia

dbt88 15

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Sunday 30 October 2011 7:59

Mama Mia let me go. Beezlebub has a devil put aside for meeeeee...

slushpup9696 12

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Sunday 30 October 2011 9:06

for meeeeee, FOR MEEEEEEEEEE! *guitar kicks in*

TheBitchOfChuckN 7

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Sunday 30 October 2011 12:41

gotta get outta here gotta get outta here gotta get outta here

mrosew442 10

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Monday 31 October 2011 3:31

(ignoring last comment because it is out of order) so you think you can stone me and spit in my eye!!!

Liamj774 36

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Monday 13 April 2015 23:23

So you think you can love me and leave me to die

tellithowitis 13

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Saturday 29 October 2011 19:26

Well I think that is important enough

iAmScrubs 19

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Saturday 29 October 2011 19:26

That must have sounded absolutely gorgeous. I'm picturing one of those angels from the Philadelphia Cream Cheese commercials dancing gracefully on the clouds.