Love: Today, my boyfriend sent me so many nice texts that he made me...

By brokenhearted - 05/12/2012 11:29 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my boyfriend sent me so many nice texts that he made me fall in love with him that little bit more. It turns out he was sweetening me up before telling me he cheated on me the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 100

You deserved it 2 584

Love

Broken heart

Another great day to be alive

Empathy lives

By Shelbs - 05/11/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 335

You deserved it 3 787

By Brenda Trejo - 17/01/2018 01:30

Today, my fiancé asked his 13-year-old sister what role she wanted in our upcoming wedding. Her response was "Saying I object!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 202

You deserved it 416

By Egtat216 - 29/07/2016 22:03 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, whilst tuning my guitar, one of the steel strings snapped and hit me in the face. Now I'm on my way to my first date with the girl of my dreams, and I'm wearing an eye patch and have a thick red line across my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 337

You deserved it 1 455

Troll level 3000

By really?! - 22/03/2020 06:30

Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 832

You deserved it 123

By holyshitbatman - 09/11/2012 04:53 - United States - Toledo

Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 846

You deserved it 3 004

By Cowgirl_Up37 - 02/07/2011 20:54 - United States

Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 805

You deserved it 47 956

You better shape up

By anonymous - 18/07/2012 04:02 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied, "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 004

You deserved it 4 708

Ham-fisted attempt

By HamHanded - 10/03/2017 09:17

Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 592

You deserved it 667

By tortured - 10/09/2018 15:00

Today, despite using deodorant religiously and showering twice a day, my roommate still smells so bad that every time she enters the room I become physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 883

You deserved it 233

By bosslady12 - 21/12/2011 18:10 - United States

Today, I realized I need a new job when I had to take anti-anxiety medication before meeting with my boss. Last time we met, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 073

You deserved it 3 295

By BroadcitySF - 28/02/2016 03:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 471

You deserved it 1 611

Just a prank, bro

By unlucky dudebag - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw while wearing hockey masks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 250

You deserved it 4 723

By polkadotpinup - 16/09/2016 17:22 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got a call from my employers wanting to ask why I had a no call, no show for today. My supervisor reported me for not showing up to work. It's my day off, and also my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 722

You deserved it 857

By fakelaugher - 20/12/2010 03:41 - United States

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 252

You deserved it 24 238

Mom of the year

By Darice - 08/08/2020 05:03

Today, after years of not speaking with my birth mother, I took a chance and stopped to talk to her when I saw her outside of her house. Five minutes into it, I knew I needed my hair recolored and that I'm out of shape, this all being said by a totally gray haired fat woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 163

Sounds healthy

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 10:00 - United States

Today, a girl that I've been falling for told me that she's married. But not to worry, that "won't get in the way of 'us'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 132

By Angrily Paranoid - 06/10/2013 05:29 - United States - Seattle

Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 805

You deserved it 6 190

By dj163 - 16/09/2009 08:25 - Australia

Today, my (now former) best friend kicked me out of the band I started because I wasn't 'dedicated enough' after a 3 day 'holiday' to visit my dying uncle. He also during this 3 day 'holiday' convinced my girl friend to leave me and date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 881

You deserved it 3 435

By stepsister - 10/06/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, I met my soon-to-be step mother. My dad was right, we had a lot in common. Including our birth year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 414

You deserved it 4 067

Handful

By Mary - 19/10/2009 01:11 - France

Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 774

You deserved it 6 908

By Lisa - 28/10/2018 22:00

Today, I was turned down for a job because they thought I lied about having a six-month internship. Why? The secretary I told off for stealing my lunch every single day told them she hadn't heard of me, and the new company won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 513

You deserved it 283

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 17:07 - Canada - Tracadie

Today, one of my friends posted on Facebook saying if you're held up at an ATM, putting your PIN in backwards will alert the cops. I pointed out it's an urban legend, and asked how it'd work if their PIN was the same backwards. He drove over and beat the crap out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 734

You deserved it 6 019

By Anonymous - 13/10/2015 07:35 - United States - Davis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 749

You deserved it 6 123

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 09:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I flew my girlfriend to Paris for our one year anniversary. Little did I know that instead of going up the Eiffel Tower and over looking the most romantic city she would rather spend it in bed with a French man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 198

You deserved it 4 920

By Bob - 14/04/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 899

You deserved it 4 655

By Anne - 14/02/2012 20:50 - United States

Today, I returned home from college for the first time in a month. I went to my bedroom and found a nice gift bag on my dresser. Thinking it was a Valentine's gift, I opened it. My dog's ashes were in a tin inside. This is how I found out my dog died since I was away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 336

You deserved it 2 357

By Anonymous - 15/05/2017 02:00

Today, after I caught my husband cheating and lying, he had the nerve to claim it wasn't a big deal because, "I always come home to you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 418

You deserved it 380

By Anonymous - 12/11/2012 13:29 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 742

You deserved it 3 989

By urmommmm - 22/08/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 246

You deserved it 25 355

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 17:42 - Pakistan

Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 663

You deserved it 10 089

Warrior

By Anonymous - 21/09/2015 13:00 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when halfway through, he leaned over to grab his cup of hot coffee off the nightstand. He then attempted to drink it and spilled most of it on me. He never stopped thrusting the whole time, and wanted to continue after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 447

You deserved it 3 278

Same as "work", "boss" is also a four-letter word

By Scoopie - 15/03/2017 14:00

Today, my job offer from 2 weeks ago was rescinded. My "new boss" didn't like my last performance review. I'd spent 30 hours preparing a case study for the second interview. He wants me to be a "standup guy" and withdraw my application voluntarily, so HR doesn't have to get involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 198

You deserved it 329

By josh - 23/01/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 562

You deserved it 4 087

The Cheek!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, on my Facebook, the stripper my ex-husband cheated on me with showed up in the "People You May Know" box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 656

You deserved it 4 398

By Anonymous - 23/08/2014 18:16 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 486

You deserved it 6 611

By Username - 30/04/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 062

You deserved it 7 940

By Anonymous - 04/07/2014 19:04 - Netherlands

Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 855

You deserved it 3 420

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself "I wish I had a boyfriend like that". I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 278

You deserved it 14 309

Slippy!

By mud - 29/11/2019 05:00 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I was on my way to class and it was muddy outside, so I slipped and it looks like I shit myself. I'm wearing white pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 577

By slim_breezy - 04/06/2016 07:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to rush my son to the ER after he ate a poisonous plant. He said the plant looked like one in Skyrim and he thought he'd get super powers from eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 406

You deserved it 2 438

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Top comments

Pleonasm 35

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 18:56

Well, he didn't break it to you in song, in front of 100 other people, that's a start. But the sweetening deal makes him seem a little cowardly, especially IF he told you he cheated by text. Anyway, here's to to hoping things shape of for you, one way or another, OP. We're here for you at least.

j4gerb0mblitz 6

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 18:56

Show him some lovin with a swift kick to the balls

Pleonasm 35

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 18:56

spekledworf 18

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 20:30

Well OP could always write 7 albums on it and be the next Taylor Swift

SNICKERZforKYLE 4

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 23:19

Fuck this website ban me nigga

heartemopants 18

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Thursday 6 December 2012 3:47

I must say first off. Don't be mean about Taylor Swift she gets me through break ups! But I really appreciate the references to other fmls l. Then make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

tsent8 15

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Thursday 6 December 2012 3:51

Put icy hot on his balls! And people say FML makes us stupid.

CCSA 12

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Thursday 6 December 2012 15:34

If I had not been reading every single FMLs these days I would be left wondering what the F are you guys talking about. No, not the Taylor Swift one.

j4gerb0mblitz 6

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 18:56

Show him some lovin with a swift kick to the balls

senor_awesome 14

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 19:56

Maybe she can do like Swift and write a hit song about this experience

garrett8614 2

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 19:59

Was that pun intentional?

iOceanus 18

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Thursday 6 December 2012 1:40

26) Not at all. What have you that idea?

iOceanus 18

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Thursday 6 December 2012 2:19

Gave* stupid autocorrect.

senor_awesome 14

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Thursday 6 December 2012 7:07

26- No, not really. I just like Capitalizing random Words.

rastapasta 11

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 18:56

Aww :( I'm sorry. That sucks.

priceyfml 7

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 20:05

I absolutely CAN'T STAND cheaters, they disgust me. I'm young but, still I know I'm not going to be one.

Nightwing98 22

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 20:11

3- There is a button for that. 28- that was not a reply to 3 so don't hit reply, hit comment, not reply.

Pleonasm 35

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 20:22

Nightwing: Keeping our comment sections clean.

Eelam_star 2

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 23:41

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

hunterluv1 20

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Thursday 6 December 2012 1:32

Why can't people say sorry just to show sympathy and that they feel for OP? ..

ICastillo 24

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 18:57

Well I bet you you love him a little less now huh. That cheating bastard. You should dump him.

lelo007 11

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 23:14

Yea, I usually don't agree with dumping them right off the bat, but cheaters are a different story. If he really loved her in the first place, he wouldn't have cheated.

Feared 9

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Thursday 6 December 2012 1:06

Popping

tsent8 15

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Thursday 6 December 2012 4:47

Forget dumping him humiliate him publicly! OP I want an FML on my desk by tomorrow that goes along the lines of Today, my gf took me out to dinner not only did she dump me but she put at least four pills of Viagra in my drink... It's been more than four hours. FML

spazz666 18

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Thursday 6 December 2012 5:09

That wasn't very clever. If you're going to do a counter FML make it good. Maybe something like..... Today I told my girlfriend that I had cheated on her last night. We talked it over and I thought we would be able to work it out. Three hours later, the doctor in the ER is informing me that judging by the bruising on my testicles, he doesn't believe working it out will be an option.

campingbellnub 13

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Thursday 6 December 2012 14:34

That wasn't very clever. If you're going to do a counter FML make it good.

justjazzmyn 3

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 18:57

Cheating is bad enough, but he's telling you through text? Dump him.

ImmortalKratos 0

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 21:15

What I can't figure out is why he told her at all???

mcBe 6

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 22:20

Relationships are built on trust, he f*cked up and is telling her he did but should've done it in person or here's a thought, not cheated at all.

DudeEvil 22

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Thursday 6 December 2012 5:48

Dump him through text.

bopps 4

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Sunday 9 December 2012 7:21

Hey baby

BadGuy_Ogg 4

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 18:58

Lol what an asshole

boofgall 16

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 18:58

All of it means shit-all now.

olpally 32

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 19:00

What a douche nozzle and an ass cricket. He should've manned up and told you in person! Break up with him!

simoncat 11

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 22:40

Ass cricket? Douche nozzle? Oh! I am SO stealing these both. Brilliant.

hama806 19

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 22:47

49-you took the words right out of my mouth. 8-Douche nozzle perfectly describes OP's BF (hopefully ex-BF) and is my absolute favorite new phrase. Thanks!