Miscellaneous: Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an... - FML

By embarrassedinretail - Australia

Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Thanks, I hate it

In-laws, in-fighting

By Ouchies - 18/3/2021 17:01

Now you know

Today, I went to the beach. My friend decided it would be funny to push me into a bunch of Portuguese Man-O-War jellyfish washed up on the shore. Did you know their tentacles can sting even if they’re dead? FML

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By Anonyme - France - Saint-di

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

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By imma ture

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

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By Why - United States - Marlborough

Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding a new horse when a lawnmower starting up spooked her. She jumped straight up in the air and I landed directly on the saddle horn. I can't walk or feel anything between my legs. FML

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By tragic - United States - Bloomington

Today, I got dumped for the second time by the guy that I'd been seeing. He actually forgot that he'd already dumped me once this week and did it again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML

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By clothesthief - Australia - Ivanhoe

Today, I finally had nice enough weather to dry my clothes on the washing line. Two hours later, all my clothes were stolen. FML

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By Stellarum - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

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By Youdontneed2knowmyname - United States

Today, I was so bored I began practicing an irish jig. For two hours. FML

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By SadManKillMeNow

Today, after deactivating my Facebook page 4 days ago for stalking reasons - as in me stalking my ex - I reactivated it for approximately 3 minutes to see what his status update was, then deactivated it again. I'm just THAT pathetic. FML

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By adamclmns - United States

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2021 00:01 - Australia

Unreasonable

Today, after finishing work and collecting my bag from my locker, I yawned as my manager came to ask me a question. She yelled at me for yawning. She then told others that I have a chronic yawning problem at work and need medical intervention. I can't even yawn once after a long tiring day on my own time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend of three and a half years a text message spilling my heart out, saying I'll love him forever, and how much I appreciate him in my life, that I want to be the mother of his children, etc. His text back to me? "Are you drunk?!?" FML

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By unlucky - United Kingdom

Today, I failed my driving test. The examiner insisted I that didn't check a junction before pulling out. I did, he just didn't notice because he was too busy staring at my chest. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had breakfast at a hotel in Jamaica. The bill came to $1087 Jamaican Dollars, which is roughly $8.30 USD. When they swiped my Visa card, the hotel accidentally charged me $1087 USD. That's the most expensive omelet I've had in my life. FML

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By Rowansgonnarow

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

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By fatlady - United States

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

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By feeling fed up - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML

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By claustrophobic - United States - Baltimore

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2020 05:03 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Some guys have all the luck

Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

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By ugh - Canada - Mississauga

Somebody's watching me

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

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By magnolia - United States

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

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By DamnMyOvaries - United States - Groves

Today, I fainted in the lunch line at school due to extreme period cramps, and ended up having to get seven stitches on my face. This is the third time I've fainted because of my period this year. FML

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By adam - United States

Today, I made heart shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML

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By elsaza - France

Today, I was on a date with my new boyfriend. I acted very flirty and laughed very loudly to show him how funny he was. I laughed so loudly that I farted. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

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By Bbrooks88 - United States

Today, I finalized my new car purchase after three months on the job at a new company. Two hours later, I was informed that my position has been eliminated. I have two weeks to find a new job or I'm completely screwed. FML

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By fmmmmlll - United States

Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML

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By HoratioNo - United States - Stockton

Today, I found out that my dad writes really weird and scary slash fiction involving characters from all of the CSI TV show franchises. FML

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By Blah

Today, I learned that my (ex) boyfriend has a breastfeeding fetish. How did I learn this? I found him sneaking pictures of my breastfeeding sister. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southend

Today, my little sister randomly came up to me and said: "Aww, don't be sad. Even ugly people can get boyfriends." She then smiled, patted my back, and walked off. I wasn't actually sad before, but I am now. FML

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By neuroticallyours - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML

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By meeee - 13/2/2021 23:01

Nice to see you

Today, I saw my 89-year-old grandmother naked. She just moved in with us and apparently, she has an "open door policy." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

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By David - United Kingdom - Leicester

Annie's Song

Today, I was finally having a conversation with my granny, who I don't get to see often. First thing she tells me was that she was going to have surgery soon, because her "women's insides" were "dangling out." FML

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Top comments

By AnneOminous | 0

#786481 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:14

Um. No. You didn't have to listen to the whole thing. You should have hung up. YDI

By _Mazza_ | 0

#786501 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:22

"I'm sorry dad, I'm at work, I have to go."

Polite and nonoffensive. Alternatively, just hang up. Is that so hard? You're at work, you have better things to do than to listen to someone sing, I'm sure your father would understand.

COMMENTS

By SpideyRules | 9

#786461 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:06

Am I the only one this doesn't make sense to??

Reply

crankyinthemorn | 0

#786486 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:18

No, it doesn't make sense to me either. What's the FML here? My mother calls me and sings, "You're my sunshine" all the time. I listen b/c it makes her happy (when skies are grey :)

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786505 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:23

Uh, maybe for most people, it's embarrassing as hell for your dad to make you sit through his rendition of a crap song when your boss and coworkers are around to hear it all? What's difficult to understand there?

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786550 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:47

Fuck no, the life of a Sith apprentice is long, arduous, and filled with evil megacorp speeches delivered in Canadian accents. You signed up for this shit when you were conceived. Blame Toxi for not using a condom.

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786561 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:53

*fwap*

Silence, pe0n.

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786576 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 17:01

-.-"

Careful, dear LaQuisha may see this thread and have a seizure.

Reply

xmagster | 0

#787072 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 22:26

yeah, it's embarrassing, but why wouldn't you hang up and turn off your phone?! I call bullshit on this. If it is true, ydi.

Reply

epitomeofshty | 0

#788216 - Thursday 21 January 2010 10:31

didn't make sense to me, either. the phrasing sucks.

Reply

emo_fail_child | 0

#881861 - Monday 22 February 2010 11:06

no

Reply

lu95 | 16

#982857 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 4:03

no your NOT alone.....

By 123sploosh | 0

#786462 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:06

agreed with one. ugh.

By SliceNthrice | 0

#786463 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:07

the gambler by kenny rogers? i don't think i've ever heard of it..

Reply

idkweird | 0

#786496 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:21

You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em
know when to walk away, and know when to run

You never count your money, when you're sittin at the table
There'll be plenty of time for countin, when the dealin's done.

Reply

sleepyglowstar | 32

#6112859 - Friday 7 November 2014 20:26

Seriously. You don't know who Kenny Rodgers is. Wow

By Sirin_fml | 46

#786465 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:08

I think it's fair to say the OP's dad killed Kenny.

By AnneOminous | 0

#786481 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:14

Um. No. You didn't have to listen to the whole thing. You should have hung up. YDI

Reply

xmagster | 0

#787078 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 22:28

this.

Reply

SubaruWRXSTI | 16

#6663825 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 22:56

If he is at a call center, which is what his job is I'm assuming, he could get fired for hanging up on customers, even if it was someone they know.

By _Mazza_ | 0

#786501 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:22

"I'm sorry dad, I'm at work, I have to go."

Polite and nonoffensive. Alternatively, just hang up. Is that so hard? You're at work, you have better things to do than to listen to someone sing, I'm sure your father would understand.

Reply

idkweird | 0

#786503 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:23

This. I would have said, "Dad, Im busy, Ill call you on my break," and hung up

By Boddmon | 0

#786507 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:24

Hello? ..ad....orry... a... onnection... s... ad.. ello??.....ello?? *dial tone*

By ElMundio87 | 0

#786520 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:33

You answered your phone while serving customers? What the hell is wrong with you? I hope you got fired

Reply

kbiz | 0

#786801 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 19:49

this is what i was thinking

By JhasNeeh | 7

#786525 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:37

Poor poor OP! Having to answer the phone while there was a big line of people - certainly not an FML, definately a YDI. Ever heard of just doing your job?

By Gobsnoglin | 0

#786536 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:42

You gotta know when to hold 'em, you gotta know when to fold 'em.