Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an... - FML

By embarrassedinretail - Australia

Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML

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Proactive

Vibe check

Can they do that?

By nottrustworthy - United States

Today, my wife of seven years told me that she doesn't trust me with dog-sitting her dog while she leaves to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's with her family. She ended up calling someone she "trusts" to take care of her dog while I spend the holidays by myself. FML

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By parenting fail - 20/9/2020 11:01 - United States

A teenage dream's so hard to beat…

Today, my stepdaughter proudly showed off her new tattoo. It says "Jace’s place" in sloppy script on her lower belly. She’s 15. Jace is a boy she’s been seeing for 3 months. She got the tattoo in "some guy’s garage." It happened during her weekend visit with her father. Hello teenage rebellion. FML

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By vansboy

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

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By RiceCrispyTreats - United States - Pelham

Today, I left my phone outside on the grass while I went inside to get a drink. I didn't expect my dad to run over it with the lawn mower. FML

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By great 1st impression - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my parents that I am a smoker. My mother started crying, and said she worried I was gay, but this is almost as bad. That leads on to part two of my confessions... FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2020 23:00

DINOSAURS!!

Today, I tried to cook an extra healthy, vegetable filled meal for my boyfriend and I. Not only did we notice the vegetables were off a little too late, but he also found my hair in his bowl. We had to settle for turkey dinosaurs and spaghetti loops instead. FML

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By BC94 - United States - Mcminnville

Today, I went to a movie with this guy. He was late so the only seats available were the ones in the very front which he refused to sit in. As we were looking for two seats, he spotted one near the back and sat down, leaving me to sit by myself in the front. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Panama City

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

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By Tipless - United States

Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML

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By Bebefer - United States

Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my co-worker insisted there must be an underlying, romantic reason for why I spend so much time teaching him everything, and that I didn't mean it when I told him that's what I'm paid to do. I'm actually supposed to train this guy for three weeks. Two more weeks to go. FML

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By ishouldhidethekeys - United Kingdom

Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML

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By touched - Philippines

Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a spray tan for homecoming. While I was dancing, I got really sweaty and the spray tan rubbed off on the guy's white tux. FML

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By Fiona the Deceived

Baby New Year?

Today, I found out that my birth date was entered incorrectly, and I’ve been believing that I am a year older than I really am. I’m actually 14, not 15. How did this happen? Both my parents and the doctor got the year of my birth wrong. FML

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By Tristan - 30/7/2020 02:01

Send message

Today, while messaging a possible new hire to set up an interview at my retail job, I meant to say, "Thank you for being flexible" - in regards to scheduling. Instead, it autocorrected to, "Thank you for being delicious." FML

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By probably single - Denmark - Gram

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

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By RyanJarmanForPresident - United States

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

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By pop - France

Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML

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By mugged - United States

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

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By toonice - United States - Eugene

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too nice. Apparently, me being nice to him makes him feel guilty. FML

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By Poowee - United States

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Little Rock

Today, after a long couple of months working non-stop, I finally got someone to cover my shift. Turns out she was joking, and when I didn't show up for work, I had been fired. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Freeport

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I've been sinking into a deep depression, ignoring all my friends, and don't know what to do with my life anymore. This is all because I gave up Facebook for lent. FML

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By wow - United States - Gainesville

Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

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By married life - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I had to explain to my husband why I was assuming that he was planning to attend my graduation ceremonies for my PhD next week. He still doesn't understand why he has to be there, and is pissed that he will miss his weekly pub crawl with his friends. FML

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By MexyBoy - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

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By Biological - United States

Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML

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By - 27/1/2020 18:00

Glittery letters

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML

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By Discouraged - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

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By Local Welsh

Today, my husband's cousin told me it's a tradition that I should have sex with the eldest male cousin (him) as a rite of passage, and I probably don't know this being of foreign origin. I emigrated here and met my husband when we were 6. FML

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By mala_19 - 19/9/2020 14:02 - Sweden

The joy of newborn babies

Today, after I, my fiance, and the doctors tried all day to get my son to eat for more than just three minutes straight, he decided to eat for thirty minutes straight in the middle of the night when I just wanted to sleep. FML

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By Matti

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

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By Anonymous - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

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By buster - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimitated by a group of 4 year olds. FML

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By Twiggysucks68 - United States - Antioch

Today, my fiancé decided he wants a baby only because our dog is good, quiet, and falls asleep as soon as he starts to cradle her. He thinks a baby will be just like that. FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, my mother told my little sister and me that she has breast cancer to make us feel sorry so that we would clean our rooms. She is perfectly fine. My little sister still thinks that "mommy is going to die". FML

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Top comments

By AnneOminous | 0

#786481 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:14

Um. No. You didn't have to listen to the whole thing. You should have hung up. YDI

By _Mazza_ | 0

#786501 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:22

"I'm sorry dad, I'm at work, I have to go."

Polite and nonoffensive. Alternatively, just hang up. Is that so hard? You're at work, you have better things to do than to listen to someone sing, I'm sure your father would understand.

COMMENTS

By SpideyRules | 9

#786461 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:06

Am I the only one this doesn't make sense to??

Reply

crankyinthemorn | 0

#786486 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:18

No, it doesn't make sense to me either. What's the FML here? My mother calls me and sings, "You're my sunshine" all the time. I listen b/c it makes her happy (when skies are grey :)

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786505 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:23

Uh, maybe for most people, it's embarrassing as hell for your dad to make you sit through his rendition of a crap song when your boss and coworkers are around to hear it all? What's difficult to understand there?

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786550 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:47

Fuck no, the life of a Sith apprentice is long, arduous, and filled with evil megacorp speeches delivered in Canadian accents. You signed up for this shit when you were conceived. Blame Toxi for not using a condom.

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786561 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:53

*fwap*

Silence, pe0n.

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786576 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 17:01

-.-"

Careful, dear LaQuisha may see this thread and have a seizure.

Reply

xmagster | 0

#787072 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 22:26

yeah, it's embarrassing, but why wouldn't you hang up and turn off your phone?! I call bullshit on this. If it is true, ydi.

Reply

epitomeofshty | 0

#788216 - Thursday 21 January 2010 10:31

didn't make sense to me, either. the phrasing sucks.

Reply

emo_fail_child | 0

#881861 - Monday 22 February 2010 11:06

no

Reply

lu95 | 16

#982857 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 4:03

no your NOT alone.....

By 123sploosh | 0

#786462 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:06

agreed with one. ugh.

By SliceNthrice | 0

#786463 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:07

the gambler by kenny rogers? i don't think i've ever heard of it..

Reply

idkweird | 0

#786496 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:21

You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em
know when to walk away, and know when to run

You never count your money, when you're sittin at the table
There'll be plenty of time for countin, when the dealin's done.

Reply

sleepyglowstar | 32

#6112859 - Friday 7 November 2014 20:26

Seriously. You don't know who Kenny Rodgers is. Wow

By Sirin_fml | 46

#786465 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:08

I think it's fair to say the OP's dad killed Kenny.

By AnneOminous | 0

#786481 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:14

Um. No. You didn't have to listen to the whole thing. You should have hung up. YDI

Reply

xmagster | 0

#787078 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 22:28

this.

Reply

SubaruWRXSTI | 16

#6663825 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 22:56

If he is at a call center, which is what his job is I'm assuming, he could get fired for hanging up on customers, even if it was someone they know.

By _Mazza_ | 0

#786501 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:22

"I'm sorry dad, I'm at work, I have to go."

Polite and nonoffensive. Alternatively, just hang up. Is that so hard? You're at work, you have better things to do than to listen to someone sing, I'm sure your father would understand.

Reply

idkweird | 0

#786503 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:23

This. I would have said, "Dad, Im busy, Ill call you on my break," and hung up

By Boddmon | 0

#786507 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:24

Hello? ..ad....orry... a... onnection... s... ad.. ello??.....ello?? *dial tone*

By ElMundio87 | 0

#786520 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:33

You answered your phone while serving customers? What the hell is wrong with you? I hope you got fired

Reply

kbiz | 0

#786801 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 19:49

this is what i was thinking

By JhasNeeh | 7

#786525 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:37

Poor poor OP! Having to answer the phone while there was a big line of people - certainly not an FML, definately a YDI. Ever heard of just doing your job?

By Gobsnoglin | 0

#786536 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:42

You gotta know when to hold 'em, you gotta know when to fold 'em.