Miscellaneous: Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an... - FML

By embarrassedinretail - Australia

Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML

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Late term

The smell detective is on the case

Doomed

By asthmattack - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I decided to make the switch from pads to tampons. My boyfriend ended up having to show me how to apply them. FML

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By insignificant - United States

Today, I was getting on a bus, the driver shut the door on me while I was half way inside. Instead of apologizing to me, he criticized me for getting in the way. FML

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By DeadBroke - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I was tired of his childishness and anger, so he decided to send me 540 random text messages of scrambled letters in order to mess up my phone as well, as make me pay 20 cents for each message. FML

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By Ihatemyfamily - United States - Euless

Today, my brother's high school was having a soccer game against mine, and as a sign of good luck, I told him to "break a leg". He broke mine. FML

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By fries - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boyfriend announced to me he was sleeping with another girl via alphabet soup. FML

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By imy - United States

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

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By good_gravy - United States

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

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By coloring is not for me - United States

Today, in an attempt to lower my stress and anxiety, I tried out an anti-stress coloring page on my phone. I couldn't get the color to evenly fill inside the lines and it stressed me out even more, to the point where I started crying at work. FML

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By cheated - United States

Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML

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By FLkiki - 24/7/2020 20:00

All or nothing

Today, I found out I didn’t get a job because I'd flashed the owner whilst drunk. Guess my tits weren’t better than my resume. FML

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By Crappit - United States

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

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By timmyb - United States

Today, i walked into starbucks for a job application. I asked the manager if they were hiring, I really need a job. He looked me up and down and replied, " NO". There was a 'now hiring' sign in the window. FML

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By Sad Student - Canada - Toronto

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

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By Anonymous

C'est la langue de l'amour!

Today, my French teacher set up a role-play scenario to act out in front of the class. During one of my lines, I mispronounced a phrase and called my teacher sexy. FML

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By dumbbus - United Kingdom - Stockton-on-tees

Today, I got an expensive return bus ticket to visit my family 200 miles away. I accidentally tore the ticket when taking it from the machine, but the driver said not to worry, as it would still be accepted on the way back. Guess who's still 200 miles from home. FML

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By pandabear - United Kingdom

Today, I got an alert from Facebook that it was my very popular and attractive classmate's birthday. I decided to be sweet and write "Happy birthday" on her wall, only to notice it wasn't there a few minutes later. I rewrote it again and it disappeared. After three attempts, I took the hint. FML

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By KICKxASSxNINJA - 26/9/2020 08:02 - United States - Fresno

Believe her next time

Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML

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By myownperson - United States

Today, I ordered food at McDonald's. I'm on crutches, and a guy offered to carry my tray to the table. He rushed out with my food. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:04

Caught red-handed

Today, my girlfriend and I got busted by the cops having sex in a dark parking lot near the beach. As if that wasn't bad enough, as I was trying to talk my way out of a ticket, one of the cops peeks into the car window and I hear my girlfriend awkwardly giggle and say, "Hi daddy." FML

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By Grounded - United Kingdom

Today, my mother offered to pay for my tickets to go see my girlfriend who I haven't seen for 6 months. She was happy to pay for the £130 flight, but then refused half way through the purchase because she wasn't going to "let the buggers charge £13 extra" for using her credit card. FML

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By moneyman22 - United States

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a really stubborn pimple. By the time I felt the cartilage rip, it was too late. FML

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By mathesonn - United States - Auburn

Today, out of habit from twelve years of karate classes, I bowed to my teacher as I exited my classroom. My chemistry classroom. FML

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By ilikecake - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

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By halfie - United States - Pigeon Forge

Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 23:01

And I Oop

Today, my mom was screaming and throwing things at me and I didn’t know why. Then I checked the date. Her birthday was yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML

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By crazy cat lady - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML

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By mommyfairy - United States

Today, I realized that my boss is able to read all the emails my coworker and I send each other. Most of them are about how she is such a shitty boss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Worth

Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

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By dumped - United States

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

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By Anonymous

Cheater

Today, as I was finalizing my divorce with my soon to be ex-wife, she thought it would be a good idea to bring our two children to the divorce court. Before custody was put in place my ex-wife gave them both a piece of candy and promised them a trip to Disneyland they chose her. FML

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By combovercaiti_

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

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By jjjjjohn cena - United States - Omaha

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

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By NoLife - United States

Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my Dad called me to tell me that he had finally won the lottery and that I no longer had to worry about trying to find a way to pay for school. I was so excited I started crying. He then told me that he won $5 on a scratch off lotto ticket. He bought a sandwich. Funny dad. FML

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Top comments

By AnneOminous | 0

#786481 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:14

Um. No. You didn't have to listen to the whole thing. You should have hung up. YDI

By _Mazza_ | 0

#786501 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:22

"I'm sorry dad, I'm at work, I have to go."

Polite and nonoffensive. Alternatively, just hang up. Is that so hard? You're at work, you have better things to do than to listen to someone sing, I'm sure your father would understand.

COMMENTS

By SpideyRules | 9

#786461 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:06

Am I the only one this doesn't make sense to??

Reply

crankyinthemorn | 0

#786486 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:18

No, it doesn't make sense to me either. What's the FML here? My mother calls me and sings, "You're my sunshine" all the time. I listen b/c it makes her happy (when skies are grey :)

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786505 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:23

Uh, maybe for most people, it's embarrassing as hell for your dad to make you sit through his rendition of a crap song when your boss and coworkers are around to hear it all? What's difficult to understand there?

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786550 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:47

Fuck no, the life of a Sith apprentice is long, arduous, and filled with evil megacorp speeches delivered in Canadian accents. You signed up for this shit when you were conceived. Blame Toxi for not using a condom.

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786561 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:53

*fwap*

Silence, pe0n.

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786576 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 17:01

-.-"

Careful, dear LaQuisha may see this thread and have a seizure.

Reply

xmagster | 0

#787072 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 22:26

yeah, it's embarrassing, but why wouldn't you hang up and turn off your phone?! I call bullshit on this. If it is true, ydi.

Reply

epitomeofshty | 0

#788216 - Thursday 21 January 2010 10:31

didn't make sense to me, either. the phrasing sucks.

Reply

emo_fail_child | 0

#881861 - Monday 22 February 2010 11:06

no

Reply

lu95 | 16

#982857 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 4:03

no your NOT alone.....

By 123sploosh | 0

#786462 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:06

agreed with one. ugh.

By SliceNthrice | 0

#786463 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:07

the gambler by kenny rogers? i don't think i've ever heard of it..

Reply

idkweird | 0

#786496 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:21

You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em
know when to walk away, and know when to run

You never count your money, when you're sittin at the table
There'll be plenty of time for countin, when the dealin's done.

Reply

sleepyglowstar | 32

#6112859 - Friday 7 November 2014 20:26

Seriously. You don't know who Kenny Rodgers is. Wow

By Sirin_fml | 46

#786465 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:08

I think it's fair to say the OP's dad killed Kenny.

By AnneOminous | 0

#786481 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:14

Um. No. You didn't have to listen to the whole thing. You should have hung up. YDI

Reply

xmagster | 0

#787078 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 22:28

this.

Reply

SubaruWRXSTI | 16

#6663825 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 22:56

If he is at a call center, which is what his job is I'm assuming, he could get fired for hanging up on customers, even if it was someone they know.

By _Mazza_ | 0

#786501 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:22

"I'm sorry dad, I'm at work, I have to go."

Polite and nonoffensive. Alternatively, just hang up. Is that so hard? You're at work, you have better things to do than to listen to someone sing, I'm sure your father would understand.

Reply

idkweird | 0

#786503 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:23

This. I would have said, "Dad, Im busy, Ill call you on my break," and hung up

By Boddmon | 0

#786507 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:24

Hello? ..ad....orry... a... onnection... s... ad.. ello??.....ello?? *dial tone*

By ElMundio87 | 0

#786520 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:33

You answered your phone while serving customers? What the hell is wrong with you? I hope you got fired

Reply

kbiz | 0

#786801 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 19:49

this is what i was thinking

By JhasNeeh | 7

#786525 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:37

Poor poor OP! Having to answer the phone while there was a big line of people - certainly not an FML, definately a YDI. Ever heard of just doing your job?

By Gobsnoglin | 0

#786536 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:42

You gotta know when to hold 'em, you gotta know when to fold 'em.