Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an... - FML

By embarrassedinretail - 20/1/2010 10:01 - Australia

Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML

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Or he's just becoming an old goober

Who's a good boy?

Long story short

By dynomyte - 11/2/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, as I sat on the table in my gynecologist's office for my yearly checkup, I realized that was the most action I got in the past year. FML

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By Ouch - 21/10/2009 21:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML

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By other woman - 21/10/2013 16:42 - United States - Riverside

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 20:24 - United States - Porter

Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML

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By Noname - 30/1/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2012 20:05 - United States

Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

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By purrykitty - 23/4/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, I tried to spice things up in the bedroom by making love to my husband in a tight leather corset. I ended up passing out. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2012 02:05 - United States - La Grange

Horndog

Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML

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By thenewone - 19/11/2009 20:09 - Brazil

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. Later on, his mom pulls me aside and tells me to back off, saying he will never marry someone like me and he should be with a nice girl like his ex. They broke up after he found her in his bed with his roomate. FML

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By luckycharmed - 17/6/2014 17:34 - United States

Today, my roommate played a "prank" on me. He taped a length of clear cellophane at ankle-height just outside my bedroom door, causing me to trip and faceplant the floor, and busting out a tooth. I now look like a hick, and my roommate is refusing to cover my dental bills. FML

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By jodafish - 8/11/2011 05:45 - Canada

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML

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By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

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By my back hurts - 4/9/2013 05:25 - Australia - Campbelltown

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 02:00

Today, I bought a car off my aunt, then I got 7 speeding tickets. Apparently my aunt forgot to tell me the speedometer is faulty, so while I thought I was doing a safe 28 or 29 mph in the 30 zone on my way to work, I was probably doing closer to 35 or 36. FML

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By THANKS4theINFO - 23/5/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

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By amburrr - 3/8/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

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By AshleyRose24 - 23/11/2013 08:02 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I had to have a talk with my stalker. After telling him not to snapchat me, not to text me, and that I'm not interested, all he said was "I think persistence is going to be key here." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 18:58 - United States

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

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By MomStayOutOfTheCar - 4/8/2015 04:23 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

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By spitballer1 - 6/7/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML

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By meish - 5/6/2016 13:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got my own row on an almost full transatlantic flight. All it took was having food poisoning two hours into the flight. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2011 17:27 - United States

Today, I got called for a job interview. I didn't catch where it was, and in my excitement I forgot to ask. I now have no idea where I'm being interviewed. FML

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By Parental Support - 30/8/2013 04:11 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, I found out I was 13th in a graduating class of about 350 students. When I told my mother, without batting an eye, she told me, "Hey, shit floats". FML

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By random - 8/6/2013 04:42 - United States - El Paso

Today, at the gym, my boobs were jiggling more than the girl next to me. This would be a good thing, if I wasn't a guy. FML

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By mr_cheese - 22/10/2014 20:24 - United States - Seattle

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

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By gimpy - 4/1/2012 16:55 - United States

Today, I had to cut short my New Year's resolution of going to the gym daily, when the meathead next to me dropped some heavy weights, which bounced and landed on my foot. I'm sitting at home in a cast. FML

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By trigfail - 25/9/2010 08:57 - New Zealand

Today, I failed my trigonometry exam because my scientific calculator was on the wrong setting. FML

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By peridot1aa - 24/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML

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By Sam - 8/12/2017 01:30

Party for One!

Today, at the supermarket, I bought a cake and had my friend's name put on it. It wasn't anyone's birthday, I just wanted to feel less ashamed about buying a whole cake for myself. FML

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By MetalAtlas - 3/3/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I had to sell my only means of transportation, my 92 Chrysler Lebaron to a junking company because the transmission blew. When the guy finally got there, I had to shovel out the 5 feet of snow around my car, help him push it, and help him hook it up. Then his dog bit me. I only got $100. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2015 11:04 - Netherlands - Dronten

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend that I love her. She made a face like she'd just sucked on a lemon and said, "Um... yay, I guess...?" and awkwardly left the room. FML

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By Mic - 7/1/2010 17:44 - United States

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

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By Broke as a joke - 4/5/2019 04:00

Today, I received the bill for my trip to the ER months ago. Almost $1000 for a quick 2.5 hour stay, only to find out that I had bad gas from drinking far too much of the seltzer I had bought on sale. FML

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By dislocated - 14/2/2018 20:30

How romantic!

Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML

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By stupid_world - 24/12/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I learned that while anybody can call me a bitch, my husband got mad at his aunt for calling our dog a mutt. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2015 04:04 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I visited my girlfriend's apartment for the first time. I guess she forgot to do some spring cleaning before I showed up, because I saw my laptop on her couch. The same laptop that was stolen from my house along with several other valuables last week. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2018 12:00

Ball Is Life

Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML

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By MissQ - 20/6/2020 17:01

That's a great look!

Today, I was trying to learn how to whistle. On the elevator ride up to my room, I was experimenting with tongue placement and mouth position. At the height of my facial contortions and probable spitting, the elevator doors opened to reveal the guy I've been crushing. FML

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By Anon - 15/5/2015 13:58 - United States - Lakeville

Today, my brother and I had a long argument. He believes wholeheartedly that pineapples are not actually fruits, but berries. When I showed him a google search, he accused me of "faking" it. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2019 04:00 - United States

Unionize!

Today, my boss told me he was going to start taking money out of my pay, because his wife makes us lunch. I work for my dad, and he wants to start charging me because my mom makes me a sandwich. FML

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Top comments

By AnneOminous | 0

#786481 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:14

Um. No. You didn't have to listen to the whole thing. You should have hung up. YDI

By _Mazza_ | 0

#786501 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:22

"I'm sorry dad, I'm at work, I have to go."

Polite and nonoffensive. Alternatively, just hang up. Is that so hard? You're at work, you have better things to do than to listen to someone sing, I'm sure your father would understand.

COMMENTS

By SpideyRules | 9

#786461 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:06

Am I the only one this doesn't make sense to??

Reply

crankyinthemorn | 0

#786486 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:18

No, it doesn't make sense to me either. What's the FML here? My mother calls me and sings, "You're my sunshine" all the time. I listen b/c it makes her happy (when skies are grey :)

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786505 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:23

Uh, maybe for most people, it's embarrassing as hell for your dad to make you sit through his rendition of a crap song when your boss and coworkers are around to hear it all? What's difficult to understand there?

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786550 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:47

Fuck no, the life of a Sith apprentice is long, arduous, and filled with evil megacorp speeches delivered in Canadian accents. You signed up for this shit when you were conceived. Blame Toxi for not using a condom.

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786561 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:53

*fwap*

Silence, pe0n.

Reply

KaySL | 24

#786576 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 17:01

-.-"

Careful, dear LaQuisha may see this thread and have a seizure.

Reply

xmagster | 0

#787072 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 22:26

yeah, it's embarrassing, but why wouldn't you hang up and turn off your phone?! I call bullshit on this. If it is true, ydi.

Reply

epitomeofshty | 0

#788216 - Thursday 21 January 2010 10:31

didn't make sense to me, either. the phrasing sucks.

Reply

emo_fail_child | 0

#881861 - Monday 22 February 2010 11:06

no

Reply

lu95 | 16

#982857 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 4:03

no your NOT alone.....

By 123sploosh | 0

#786462 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:06

agreed with one. ugh.

By SliceNthrice | 0

#786463 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:07

the gambler by kenny rogers? i don't think i've ever heard of it..

Reply

idkweird | 0

#786496 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:21

You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em
know when to walk away, and know when to run

You never count your money, when you're sittin at the table
There'll be plenty of time for countin, when the dealin's done.

Reply

sleepyglowstar | 32

#6112859 - Friday 7 November 2014 20:26

Seriously. You don't know who Kenny Rodgers is. Wow

By Sirin_fml | 46

#786465 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:08

I think it's fair to say the OP's dad killed Kenny.

By AnneOminous | 0

#786481 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:14

Um. No. You didn't have to listen to the whole thing. You should have hung up. YDI

Reply

xmagster | 0

#787078 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 22:28

this.

Reply

SubaruWRXSTI | 16

#6663825 - Tuesday 2 August 2016 22:56

If he is at a call center, which is what his job is I'm assuming, he could get fired for hanging up on customers, even if it was someone they know.

By _Mazza_ | 0

#786501 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:22

"I'm sorry dad, I'm at work, I have to go."

Polite and nonoffensive. Alternatively, just hang up. Is that so hard? You're at work, you have better things to do than to listen to someone sing, I'm sure your father would understand.

Reply

idkweird | 0

#786503 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:23

This. I would have said, "Dad, Im busy, Ill call you on my break," and hung up

By Boddmon | 0

#786507 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:24

Hello? ..ad....orry... a... onnection... s... ad.. ello??.....ello?? *dial tone*

By ElMundio87 | 0

#786520 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:33

You answered your phone while serving customers? What the hell is wrong with you? I hope you got fired

Reply

kbiz | 0

#786801 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 19:49

this is what i was thinking

By JhasNeeh | 7

#786525 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:37

Poor poor OP! Having to answer the phone while there was a big line of people - certainly not an FML, definately a YDI. Ever heard of just doing your job?

By Gobsnoglin | 0

#786536 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 16:42

You gotta know when to hold 'em, you gotta know when to fold 'em.