Health: Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit...

By .... - Canada

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

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Health

Commando

Own it

Marxism intensifies

By are you kidding me

Today, I learned the venue owner and producer for the musical I'm in is under criminal investigation. What for? Three separate sexual assault incidents and putting cameras in our dressing rooms. FML

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5499

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By whoababy55 - United States

Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML

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41350

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By CrazzY88s - Ireland

Today, I bought an apartment over what I have just learned to be an Irish folk music store. FML

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15935

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By fionnathehuman - United States

Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML

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25239

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girfriend of two years told me she wasn't actually a lesbian and our relationship was more of a 'learning experience'. FML

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59766

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By mybad7 - Australia

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin and in a puddle of my own wee. FML

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9890

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By handygirl - Singapore - Singapore

I'm here!

Today, I tried fixing my bedroom lock because the push button hadn't retracted. When I closed the door, I couldn't open it again because the spring isn't attached to the latch, so that didn't retract either. I'm locked in my own room. FML

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1600

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By LifeInShambles

Today, I decided to turn my life around by finding a job, going to a gym, and getting counselling. Counselling is £145 a month. A gym would be £50 a month minimum, and there's an 8-year gap in my resumé, and everyone says no one will hire me because of it. FML

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1674

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2021 22:00

Make your mind up

Today, my ex was talking about getting back together. I say I’d be willing to talk and ask him to explain what he wants from me, to see if there’s any common ground, but he replied, "I just mention something and you immediately attack me with this emo crap! I already regret even thinking about it!" FML

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819

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By Anonymous - Estonia

Today, I realized that not only did my parents not get me anything for Christmas, they also stole the $500 my grandparents gave me to buy a computer. FML

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By RUFckingSrs - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friends and I were going to Applebee's. A girl we don't like invited herself along. She waited for my friend outside of the bathroom, forced her to drive her, and said, "It's okay someone will pay for me." She then ate off of everyone's plate and left before the bill came. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after driving hundreds of miles to sign the paperwork for my new job, I found out the guy who hired me recently quit, and HR has no idea who I am. FML

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36472

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By mags - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

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By Recon - Switzerland

Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Vienna

Today, I realized I didn't want to come home from a business trip because I like my job more than my husband. I hate my job. FML

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21164

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By me - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

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25069

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

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32418

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By vampire - United Kingdom

Today, I was yelled at by my mum for not wanting to get a spray tan for my cousin's wedding because if I don't, I will "shine like a beacon of disrespect" among the other attendees. FML

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34289

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By box bulge - China

Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML

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36934

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9927

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By drooooooool - United States

Today, I was taking medicine for my sinus problems and trying to write an essay. I got most of the way done, then unexpectedly fell asleep on my keyboard. When I woke up, my face was wet. I drowned my laptop in my drool. FML

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25173

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By Jong - United States

Today, I arrived at work only to be arrested and accused of stealing over $8000 from my job. 5 hours later at the police station, the discovery was made that the actual thief had an employee ID one digit different than mine. He works at another location over 1200 miles away. FML

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By lost_ina_dream - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary at the park. I was watching him play around with the wood chips on the ground and thought I saw him making a heart being romantic, so I got on top of the playground to look. Turns out it was the balls of a giant penis, complete with pubes. FML

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21737

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By mama bear

Fight Club Penguin

Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML

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2857

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By anti-drugs - United Kingdom

Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML

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41186

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By Anonymous - United States

Doggy dog world

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

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20137

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By let ‘Er rip

The Sweet Smell of Success

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

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1617

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By Rowaelin16 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten minutes into it, I dropped a 10-pound dumbbell on my face. I now have a horrific looking black eye, and half of my cheek is a mottled green color. Not to mention the cut above my eye that needed 4 stitches. FML

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11702

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By misstree - Singapore

Today, I got annoyed with my mum stopping in her tracks each time she needed to reply to a text message. I tried to show her that you can walk and text at the same time. I ended up falling into a drain. FML

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10465

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By knowtoomuch - United States - Aurora

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

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64979

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By tracie - United States

Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML

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38533

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By Anonymous - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

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23279

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By zachadams - United States - Buffalo

Today, at a family party, my uncles were complimenting my mom on her pies. I cooked them. She took all the credit. FML

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44524

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By ShouldveStayedAVirgin - United States - Houston

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML

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26752

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By strandedguest - United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

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25283

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By testesential - United States

Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML

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56634

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By muddygal - United States

Stuck

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

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37150

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By BrokeAsHeck

Today, for the second time in a year, I am a victim of bank fraud. All my money was in there, and I move today. FML

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4281

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By owwwwwe - United Kingdom

Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML

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11965

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24734

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By M - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

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30112

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By future teacher - Paraguay - Fernando De La Mora

Today, I was observing a children's class as a part of a training program. The teacher asked me to take one kid to the nurse's office because she wasn't feeling well. As soon as we step outside, I slip and fall down, taking the little girl with me. FML

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Top comments

By null_fml | 11

#746866 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:15

Did you grasp your knee and go "Sshhhh--Ahhhhh... Shhhhhh--Ahhhhhhhh" for a while?

By myfriend_youfail | 3

#747106 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:32

Wrong FML, buddy.

COMMENTS

By lettertjes | 0

#746857 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:04

That was probably not his most kindhearted moment. But how is this an FML?

cucuto89 | 0

#748201 - Friday 1 January 2010 4:06

well he did give 1 type of hand, a round of applause!

ILikePopCorn | 0

#886238 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 22:03

haha, your dad is frikken halarious.

By null_fml | 11

#746866 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:15

Did you grasp your knee and go "Sshhhh--Ahhhhh... Shhhhhh--Ahhhhhhhh" for a while?

Rebecca1993 | 0

#747624 - Thursday 31 December 2009 21:52

Lmao!

BritishHobo | 0

#748077 - Friday 1 January 2010 2:25

Shit.

hahaha822 | 0

#748447 - Friday 1 January 2010 9:21

hahahahaha ! this is from Step Brothers am I right ?

hahaha822 | 0

#751686 - Sunday 3 January 2010 2:29

I meant family guy . sorry, I just saw step brothers so had that in my head . .

By SettoFail | 9

#746873 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:18

DON'T BE SO DAMN CLUMSY.

By itsgen | 16

#746885 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:30

Woah your dads an ass
i feel sorry for you

By YayAmerica | 0

#746887 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:33

"the guy I've been texting". On the bright side, it should be pretty easy to end the "relationship."

myfriend_youfail | 3

#747106 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:32

Wrong FML, buddy.

null_fml | 11

#747749 - Thursday 31 December 2009 23:14

Or maybe she tripped over the block of ice because she was paying too much attention to her phone while texting that guy.

somuchjustice | 0

#748476 - Friday 1 January 2010 9:52

wrong fml douche. All though the random post made me giggle slightly.

By lpwTJtilli | 6

#746889 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:34

haha your dad is awesome

By daydreamstar | 7

#746890 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:35

agreed, tilli

By daydreamstar | 7

#746894 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:38

6, I think you put your comment on the wrong story. :) but I totally agree with you on that point ^^

By BangOut | 2

#746904 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:54

+1 Favorite :D Having dad with sense of humor = priceless ;)

By itouchguy360 | 3

#746915 - Thursday 31 December 2009 13:28

haha! My father does that all the time! I just slap him on my back and say, now give me a real hand! Your dad and mine would be best friends!