Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit...

By .... - 31/12/2010 06:23 - Canada

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28372

You deserved it

4098

Favorite

Health

Boom, headshot

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

TMI

By meowtickmeow - 12/3/2010 01:18 - United States

Today, I had a strong feeling that someone was watching me as I was undressing to get ready for bed. I conspicuously moved to the door and threw it open to find my step-brother clearly spying on me. We are the same age, live in the same house three weeks a month and in the same English class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32511

You deserved it

2681

Favorite

By Brodam - 17/9/2020 14:01 - United States - Scotch Plains

Priorities

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

863

You deserved it

160

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/6/2009 09:59 - United States

Today, I was informed from a fellow employee at a bar that he finally "hit" the boss' wife. I work for my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72120

You deserved it

2973

Favorite

By HairyBoobs - 5/11/2009 14:22 - United States

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43278

You deserved it

6852

Favorite

By Mary - 16/2/2010 00:08 - United States

Today, like all days, my cat brought something to my doorstep. Usually it's a slew of dead mice; but today he decided to bring this big, ugly snake. I'm always the only one in my family 'brave' enough to go fetch our cat's gift. It took until lifting it up to realize the snake wasn't dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27795

You deserved it

3049

Favorite

By sydstreet - 9/4/2012 05:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, my anxiety was so bad that when I was riding my bike on the side walk and two pedestrians came walking in the opposite direction, I got so nervous about having to go between them or accidentally hitting them that I fell off my bike, into a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23581

You deserved it

5657

Favorite

By oogabooga9 - 8/11/2017 15:00

Today, I was clearing out the garage when a large bouncy ball rolled into the drive. Only when I blasted it full force with my foot and collapsed did I realise it was actually a bowling ball. Two of my toes are broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1682

You deserved it

4219

Favorite

By mommabuser - 1/7/2012 15:59

Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9478

You deserved it

28810

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/8/2016 15:43 - United States - Pembroke

Today, my grandfather gave me a whole box of records to go with my new record player. When I thanked him, he said he'd been needing to get rid of them anyway because classical music makes him horny. I definitely didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13807

You deserved it

1110

Favorite

By grossedout - 22/5/2015 15:02 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had to ask one of my coworkers if we were supposed to return a client's teeth to her. I work at a jewellery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25840

You deserved it

2204

Favorite

By Normal - 13/12/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31910

You deserved it

3824

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/1/2020 01:00 - Sweden - ?ngelholm

One night

Today, I woke up from putting my child to bed. Drowsy, I stumbled down to the kitchen to make a mug cookie. I read a recipe on my phone, and put a knob of butter in a cup to melt in the microwave. I put my phone in the microwave and turned it on for 30 seconds, and didn't realize until I smelt burning plastic.. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1723

You deserved it

819

Favorite

By Janice - 7/11/2011 05:12 - Canada

Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33369

You deserved it

7903

Favorite

By C45 - 25/12/2009 20:27 - Canada

Today, from my girlfriend of five years, I got my clothes back, my engagment ring and a card that says, "Merry Christmas! It's me not you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35493

You deserved it

2575

Favorite

By allalone - 14/7/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27265

You deserved it

45230

Favorite

By pyrogypsy - 24/10/2014 01:05 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was the weird girl on the city bus who falls asleep then makes a loud, weird noise and wakes herself up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33216

You deserved it

4593

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 19:43 - United States - Nutley

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26505

You deserved it

2529

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/8/2015 16:18 - Denmark - K?ge

Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23561

You deserved it

1931

Favorite

By person_r - 21/7/2009 12:03 - Norway

Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64474

You deserved it

12555

Favorite

By Kirta - 9/11/2009 15:18 - Canada

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16374

You deserved it

37977

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/8/2014 15:14 - United States - Portland

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39024

You deserved it

3296

Favorite

By unlucky - 21/10/2010 13:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I failed my driving test. The examiner insisted I that didn't check a junction before pulling out. I did, he just didn't notice because he was too busy staring at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36078

You deserved it

5221

Favorite

By makeupsex - 14/2/2012 11:25 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he put me through so much heartache last year was because the make-up sex was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34066

You deserved it

5208

Favorite

By lanbon182 - 10/4/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

I agree, your life sucks

250286

You deserved it

31152

Favorite

By Her - 6/11/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years took me out to breakfast. So we were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say "I Love You". So I told him to "say it already". Turns out he was thinking of a way to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36094

You deserved it

5503

Favorite

By AHHH_REPTAR - 23/6/2016 04:54 - United States - Spearfish

Today, while drilling holes in "No Smoking" signs for my job, I gave myself a minor cut that would appear to most as a papercut. I then had to fill out 3 double-sided pages of paperwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12528

You deserved it

1368

Favorite

By TriedToHelp - 2/6/2019 14:05

Today, I was volunteering at an Indian hospital through a Canadian volunteer agency after paying $3000. It was my first day, but I got deported for having an incorrect visa. I had a tourist visa when I was supposed to have a "miscellaneous" visa. I got deported for volunteering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1831

You deserved it

470

Favorite

By ClothesHorse - 12/10/2012 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I was kicked out of a job interview at a clothing store for "not dressing appropriately" for the occasion. I'd purchased my outfit from the same store just two days prior with my last $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26575

You deserved it

5417

Favorite

By DoesNotLikeCubes - 6/7/2009 20:08 - Qatar

Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a youtube video for how to do rubik's cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scroll down at the comments and read "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!". I'm 28 and still couldn't get it, even with a guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40520

You deserved it

10970

Favorite

By Si123 - 15/8/2020 08:01

Night terrors

Today, after a long day at work, I was ready to wind down for the night. I sat on my bed and turned towards a fluttering on my left. I saw the biggest daddy-longlegs inches from my face, jumped in the other direction, forgetting there was a wall, and hit my head on it. I'm now officially wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1132

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By kat124ever - 7/1/2013 08:35 - United States - Apo

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32604

You deserved it

5928

Favorite

By "Brain_fart" - 18/9/2017 05:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out that both of my cats are afraid of mice. So far I've seen them run and hide from 3 different mice who've recently invaded my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3116

You deserved it

335

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/3/2020 14:00 - United States - Charlottesville

Smash the patriarchy!

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend, trying to prove to him that I was stronger. I did. He started crying. He then broke up with me because he couldn't be in a relationship in which his girlfriend was stronger than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1736

You deserved it

412

Favorite

By NoOrdinaryNZer - 27/7/2015 09:25 - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27585

You deserved it

5426

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/8/2009 07:39 - Australia

Today, at the breakfast table my mum asked me what I thought about the plumber who came to our place a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I thought he was really cute and how hard I tried to flirt with him, she nodded and told me that he is her new boyfriend and might move in with us soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50144

You deserved it

5944

Favorite

By heatproblems - 19/12/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34718

You deserved it

3540

Favorite

By bucollegegirl - 8/10/2012 14:07 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41595

You deserved it

6533

Favorite

By anonymous - 11/3/2010 19:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my art project, the one I've been working on for the last two weeks and the first piece I felt really comfortable about turning in, was stolen out of the art cupboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26663

You deserved it

2084

Favorite

By justcomesnaturally - 4/11/2012 00:37 - United States - Danby

Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7429

You deserved it

34484

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/9/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Chester

Keep your secrets, do your own laundry

Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1446

You deserved it

212

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By null_fml | 11

#746866 - Thursday 31 December 2010 12:15

Did you grasp your knee and go "Sshhhh--Ahhhhh... Shhhhhh--Ahhhhhhhh" for a while?

By myfriend_youfail | 3

#747106 - Thursday 31 December 2010 16:32

Wrong FML, buddy.

COMMENTS

By lettertjes | 0

#746857 - Thursday 31 December 2010 12:04

That was probably not his most kindhearted moment. But how is this an FML?

cucuto89 | 0

#748201 - Friday 1 January 2010 4:06

well he did give 1 type of hand, a round of applause!

ILikePopCorn | 0

#886238 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 22:03

haha, your dad is frikken halarious.

By null_fml | 11

#746866 - Thursday 31 December 2010 12:15

Did you grasp your knee and go "Sshhhh--Ahhhhh... Shhhhhh--Ahhhhhhhh" for a while?

Rebecca1993 | 0

#747624 - Thursday 31 December 2010 21:52

Lmao!

BritishHobo | 0

#748077 - Friday 1 January 2010 2:25

Shit.

hahaha822 | 0

#748447 - Friday 1 January 2010 9:21

hahahahaha ! this is from Step Brothers am I right ?

hahaha822 | 0

#751686 - Sunday 3 January 2010 2:29

I meant family guy . sorry, I just saw step brothers so had that in my head . .

By SettoFail | 9

#746873 - Thursday 31 December 2010 12:18

DON'T BE SO DAMN CLUMSY.

By itsgen | 16

#746885 - Thursday 31 December 2010 12:30

Woah your dads an ass
i feel sorry for you

By YayAmerica | 0

#746887 - Thursday 31 December 2010 12:33

"the guy I've been texting". On the bright side, it should be pretty easy to end the "relationship."

myfriend_youfail | 3

#747106 - Thursday 31 December 2010 16:32

Wrong FML, buddy.

null_fml | 11

#747749 - Thursday 31 December 2010 23:14

Or maybe she tripped over the block of ice because she was paying too much attention to her phone while texting that guy.

somuchjustice | 0

#748476 - Friday 1 January 2010 9:52

wrong fml douche. All though the random post made me giggle slightly.

By lpwTJtilli | 6

#746889 - Thursday 31 December 2010 12:34

haha your dad is awesome

By daydreamstar | 7

#746890 - Thursday 31 December 2010 12:35

agreed, tilli

By daydreamstar | 7

#746894 - Thursday 31 December 2010 12:38

6, I think you put your comment on the wrong story. :) but I totally agree with you on that point ^^

By BangOut | 2

#746904 - Thursday 31 December 2010 12:54

+1 Favorite :D Having dad with sense of humor = priceless ;)

By itouchguy360 | 3

#746915 - Thursday 31 December 2010 13:28

haha! My father does that all the time! I just slap him on my back and say, now give me a real hand! Your dad and mine would be best friends!