Health: Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit...

By .... - Canada

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

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Health

Understandable

Capitalism kills

Billy no-mates

By Rawrssa - United States

Today, I came down with painful sores in my mouth, just after having gotten over a cold. Apparently I'm allergic to the cough drops I've been eating for the past week to make myself feel better. FML

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31368

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By Anonymous - United States - Puyallup

Today, on my way to my therapist, my father told me to lie to her and tell her that I'm happy so he doesn't have to drive me in anymore. FML

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28671

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

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1561

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448

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By nubbins - Canada

Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML

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28802

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2662

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By fishyrael

What he is thinking?

Today, I was on a long road trip and I really had to pee. With no rest stop for miles and night having fallen, I decided to pull over on the side of the highway and pee in a fast food cup. A cop knocked on the window to see if everything was okay, while I was mid-squat. FML

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1735

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268

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By "Anti_Sora"

Today, I tried to turn in a final exam online. When I went to check if it had been submitted Blackboard told me it did. My grade told a different story. FML

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2087

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131

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By coward - United Kingdom

Today, after 4 days of avoiding me and screening his calls, my 24-year-old boyfriend sent his mother to break up with me on his behalf. FML

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24687

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2006

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By spacemanspiff78

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

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30896

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

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34021

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By allwrong - Australia

Today, after years of thinking I was weird for never being attracted to anyone, I realized that for the first time in my life I actually have a crush on someone. That 'someone' is my English teacher. He is 60. I am 18. FML

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33172

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

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23618

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By poked - United States

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML

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63795

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By anonymous

Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML

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37997

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By Seamstressed - Italy

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML

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6162

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Love sex

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

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3975

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By ForeverAlone - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I emotionally confessed to the guy I like. His English isn't that good, so he asked me to repeat it several times. He ended up telling me no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31819

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By Person - United States

Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML

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82444

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By davifilo - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31901

You deserved it

2603

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

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28072

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5923

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By BrittUnicorn - United States - Morristown

Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having a sexy dream that I would have enjoyed, I dreamt he was a supervisor at my work. He kept telling me how much I sucked. FML

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30543

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By Lika1712 - India - Mumbai

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML

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37841

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 19:56

Imagine if we had a social safety net…

Today, I was called selfish for complaining about COVID lockdowns. Thanks to lockdowns, my family's restaurant has been permanently closed, I've burned through all my savings, and we are going to lose our house. I guess being upset about my family's plight is selfish. FML

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1128

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, after months of apartment hunting with my boyfriend, he told me he had found a fantastic place that was really inexpensive. It seemed way too good to be true. It was. He took me to a storage unit. FML

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6439

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By Anonymous - Guatemala

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

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38012

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By NoTalkAllGame - United States - Horsham

Today, it's been five days since my roommate last talked to me. Although she's not communicating with me verbally, she's excelling at non-verbal communication: slamming doors and drawers, and watching loud videos, all while I desperately try to study. FML

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27838

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2910

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By Crunchy - United States

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML

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20399

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By hurt - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of our differing skin tones. The contrast weirds him out during sex. FML

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5212

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390

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML

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12856

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By crap car - United States - Golden

Today, a friend was making fun of our teacher's car, calling it dorkmobile and saying only idiots would own that car. It's the same as the car I just bought. FML

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17957

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By ForeverLost - 26/3/2020 20:21

Together, forever

Today, my wife asked me for a divorce, shortly after I found out she's been having an affair. Then our county placed us on quarantine for Covid-19. Now I'm stuck living with her until it goes away. FML

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2269

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By SharpeOne

Today, I found out that my parents didn't come to my wedding not because they couldn't make it, but rather that my younger brother didn't want to go. FML

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36423

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By larouche362 - United States - Weare

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I wouldn't make my senior quote, "I love my girlfriend more than anything." FML

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14818

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1330

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By an idiot - Australia

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

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34904

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By Whoops - United States

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

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29207

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's 1 year old. FML

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37335

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

25988

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5966

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By Savy - United States - Mesa

Today, I was tailgated by a car with his high beams on for an hour. Any time I changed my speed or lane, he would do the same. I finally managed to get away from him because a cop pulled me over and gave me a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7031

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was turned down for a job as a cashier at Best Buy. I worked like hell to get into and then graduate from one of the top Telecommunication schools in the country. I spent all my time with extracurriculars to help my resume instead of partying like my friends. I can't even be a cashier. FML

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36292

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By loner - United States - Madison

Today, I noticed that I get more calls from people who've dialed the wrong number than I do from people I actually know. FML

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32193

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By weirdlove - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating an icecream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

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Top comments

By null_fml | 11

#746866 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:15

Did you grasp your knee and go "Sshhhh--Ahhhhh... Shhhhhh--Ahhhhhhhh" for a while?

By myfriend_youfail | 3

#747106 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:32

Wrong FML, buddy.

COMMENTS

By lettertjes | 0

#746857 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:04

That was probably not his most kindhearted moment. But how is this an FML?

cucuto89 | 0

#748201 - Friday 1 January 2010 4:06

well he did give 1 type of hand, a round of applause!

ILikePopCorn | 0

#886238 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 22:03

haha, your dad is frikken halarious.

By null_fml | 11

#746866 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:15

Did you grasp your knee and go "Sshhhh--Ahhhhh... Shhhhhh--Ahhhhhhhh" for a while?

Rebecca1993 | 0

#747624 - Thursday 31 December 2009 21:52

Lmao!

BritishHobo | 0

#748077 - Friday 1 January 2010 2:25

Shit.

hahaha822 | 0

#748447 - Friday 1 January 2010 9:21

hahahahaha ! this is from Step Brothers am I right ?

hahaha822 | 0

#751686 - Sunday 3 January 2010 2:29

I meant family guy . sorry, I just saw step brothers so had that in my head . .

By SettoFail | 9

#746873 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:18

DON'T BE SO DAMN CLUMSY.

By itsgen | 16

#746885 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:30

Woah your dads an ass
i feel sorry for you

By YayAmerica | 0

#746887 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:33

"the guy I've been texting". On the bright side, it should be pretty easy to end the "relationship."

myfriend_youfail | 3

#747106 - Thursday 31 December 2009 16:32

Wrong FML, buddy.

null_fml | 11

#747749 - Thursday 31 December 2009 23:14

Or maybe she tripped over the block of ice because she was paying too much attention to her phone while texting that guy.

somuchjustice | 0

#748476 - Friday 1 January 2010 9:52

wrong fml douche. All though the random post made me giggle slightly.

By lpwTJtilli | 6

#746889 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:34

haha your dad is awesome

By daydreamstar | 7

#746890 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:35

agreed, tilli

By daydreamstar | 7

#746894 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:38

6, I think you put your comment on the wrong story. :) but I totally agree with you on that point ^^

By BangOut | 2

#746904 - Thursday 31 December 2009 12:54

+1 Favorite :D Having dad with sense of humor = priceless ;)

By itouchguy360 | 3

#746915 - Thursday 31 December 2009 13:28

haha! My father does that all the time! I just slap him on my back and say, now give me a real hand! Your dad and mine would be best friends!