Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my dad and his buddies were hanging out. One of them said to my dad, "Hey! I've heard your son wants to be a doctor! He he he! You better start saving up!" My dad then triumphantly responded, "PAH!!! No problem there. He's an idiot! He probably won't make it to premed!" And yes, he was sober. FML
Today, my dad showed up at my house and offered to take me to my favorite restaurant. He drove me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He believes I only had my daughter, who I love with all my heart, because I drunkenly hooked up with a girl. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML
Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML
Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML
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Top comments
Rallred32 20
Your father has a sick sense of humor, OP.
m22100 14
That's not something to " kid " about.
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Comments (108)
joselgarciac 9
Everyone is saying that what the dad did was horrible, but did you guys ever told one of your younger siblings they were adopted, and were actually found in a trash can? that was a running tradition in my family of nine...
raphanne_fml 33
Even if it was a joke, he should have stopped when he saw that it made you cry. I'm so sorry OP. I just want to give you a hug.
JokersHQ 21
That's so horrible OP. I'm sorry it went so bad for you!
Sniper_Chick4110 20
Lol. Quit being a pussy Op. 18 and it's time to Man Up! Your dad's joke was hilarious.
BeepBeepSwerve 9
stfu and enough with this man up garbage
kramona 17
#69 is right! No one should be complaining about such a great joke. I laughed my socks off :)
VoodooPriestess 16
I think it's great it was just a joke. Yeah, it was mean-spirited but you can rest knowing it isn't true.
itsmimi121 8
most of us were probably mistakes or accidents, no reason to cry.
miianah1 22
Wow that's terrible. FYL
carzaki27 12
That's not a father
EvilVein 15
Why the **** would you even cry, he wouldnt be a good dad anyway if he thought like that from the beggining!?
Blahblah9921 4
im sorry but u cried ?