Health: Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek... - FML

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 12:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 286

You deserved it 3 501

Hiding from the drama

Booty pic

Grammar police alert

By ThaBoss12 - 01/11/2014 22:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 669

You deserved it 3 510

By Zooep - 24/10/2016 13:54

Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 658

You deserved it 767

By kherien - 12/08/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 052

You deserved it 8 153

By Anonymous - 03/02/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, the midwest blizzard hit my town, burying the roads in snow. All the local stores are closed. I'm not only currently on my period, but I'm out of pads and toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 400

You deserved it 10 444

By serialkillingex - 07/05/2013 07:45 - Netherlands

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 076

You deserved it 8 059

By Anonymous - 09/02/2011 05:19 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 061

You deserved it 6 416

OK sweaty, time for a bath

By Anonymous - 22/06/2020 17:01

Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 124

By PicklesMcRaptor - 25/03/2012 11:59 - United States - Miami

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 564

You deserved it 3 512

By Ren - 27/01/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 065

You deserved it 2 180

By a - 01/03/2011 15:00

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 797

You deserved it 5 755

By NVflood17 - 17/01/2017 08:00

Today, there's lethal flooding in the Reno area, with all roads to my work closed and flooded. My boss still expects me to drive through it, in the dark, to work at 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 028

You deserved it 441

By ether10 - 04/06/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, my dad asked me to move a potted plant from one side of the yard to the other. It looked like a very heavy pot, so I heaved it up with all my might. Turns out it was one of those heavy-looking ones that are actually light plastic. I fell over backwards and dumped dirt into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 060

You deserved it 19 728

By Parenting... - 27/08/2013 04:36 - United States - Arlington

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 946

You deserved it 4 538

By Anonymous - 11/03/2019 22:00

Today, I organized a party at my place, invited 20 people, bought snacks and cancelled my workout. Nobody showed up. I ended up eating a whole ciabatta alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 544

You deserved it 228

The customer is always an ass

By zanaruka - 19/05/2020 05:00

Today, an angry customer rubbed her hand all over my face, all while showing me her positive COVID-19 test results. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 558

You deserved it 146

By wetbutt - 06/03/2009 17:49 - United States

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 923

You deserved it 68 339

On the run

By broussimousse - 10/03/2009 20:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 011

You deserved it 32 550

All for nothing

By Depressed - 14/07/2020 20:01

Today, due to some highly corrupted data that I had nothing to do with and no control over, around 5 years of pixel art I'd made, and spent most of my free time working on, has been permanently deleted, and there is no way to recover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 654

You deserved it 306

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 00:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 893

You deserved it 5 868

By Jeff - 25/08/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 365

You deserved it 7 039

Chili beans

By "Caroline Ballard Turner" - 22/12/2019 14:00

Today, I woke up to find that there has been a water main break in my neighborhood and there is no running water until the break is located and fixed. I had chili with beans late last night and it is wreaking havoc with my lower gastrointestinal track, and the toilet won't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 214

By me - 09/08/2011 03:43 - United States

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 333

You deserved it 7 339

By WTF - 27/09/2015 07:57 - Poland - Wroclaw

Today, I was driving to work and stopped at a stop light. A full 2 or 3 seconds passed, followed by a car rear-ending me. The idiot driving it got out and gave me hell, calling me a maniac because I braked "too quickly" and didn't give him a chance to react. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 602

You deserved it 1 536

By Anonymous - 12/08/2015 04:05 - United States - Racine

Today, my mom got angry that I wasn't responding to her texts. I couldn't because I was in the dentist's chair. She'd dropped me off, and after returning from errands, sent the text from the waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 840

You deserved it 1 629

By Noah - 02/11/2016 14:24

Today, a friend pointed out to me that I bear a striking resemblance to Anne Frank. I'm a 16-year-old guy, and I'm inclined to agree with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 426

You deserved it 816

By Kourou - 21/11/2008 12:53 - France

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 129

You deserved it 3 006

By i guess - 03/05/2014 00:03 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 568

You deserved it 3 581

By muffins69 - 18/09/2010 02:34 - United States

Today, I untied the rope that was tied to my dog's collar because it was wrapped around the tree choking him. He immediately ran off down the street. I had to chase him barefoot in my boxers for 20 minutes till he got tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 463

You deserved it 9 504

By Melinda - 10/12/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 611

You deserved it 2 884

A pasting for pasties

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, some bloke pushed me to the floor and kicked me twice in the head so he could steal, no joke, the two Greggs pasties I just bought. He wasn’t homeless either, he had designer jeans and a giant iPhone, and he did it in broad daylight with witnesses. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 54

By tiredInMD - 12/07/2017 18:39 - United States - Pasadena

Today, after retyping a 22-page report for work because the orginal had gone missing, i realized I had used a different laptop the first time. I now have 2 copies of the same report, both of which are late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 426

You deserved it 2 068

By Vlen - 24/05/2015 02:38 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 834

You deserved it 3 411

By Johnnogood - 09/10/2012 13:57 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 744

You deserved it 2 234

By anonymous - 02/09/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 561

You deserved it 4 799

By lions214 - 11/01/2012 01:40 - United States

Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 317

You deserved it 2 918

Creepypasta

By running scared - 08/04/2016 09:40 - Norway

Today, I found out that my violent ex has moved to my country for the sole purpose of tracking me down. I know this because my former boss called and told me she gave him my address. She loves the idea of us getting back together because, "You're such a cute couple!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 259

You deserved it 1 779

By Arp - 04/02/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I got an early Valentine's day card. My boyfriend and I recently broke up, and my hopes shot up thinking it might be from him. It wasn't. It was from my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 141

You deserved it 4 654

By organizse - 20/06/2015 14:03 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 582

You deserved it 2 804

By Concussed - 17/01/2010 06:22 - Australia

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 614

You deserved it 6 039

By bowler99 - 12/01/2015 16:43 - United States - Brooklyn

Spicy

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 155

You deserved it 15 048

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:41

Dad of the year goes to

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:43

He cares more about you being the "life of the party" than being healthy? Wow.

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:41

Dad of the year goes to

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:42

well, at least it wasn't anything negative? keep fighting!

Mynamewontfi 40

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:52

I actually think it's a negative thing to say, because OP's problem isn't taken seriously.

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Monday 9 March 2015 19:07

It was incredibly negative. The OP's father is influencing their child's alcoholism.

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Monday 9 March 2015 19:33

I agree it was not a good response but at least it wasn't something like "You're less bitchy when you're drunk".

PeopleLikeGrapes 12

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:42

Beautiful? 0_o

McNikk 15

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Monday 9 March 2015 21:55

This is what I was thinking. This dad sounds like he's got some serious issues with how he views his daughter.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 12:39

Sound like the dad is probably an alcoholic too. Probably doesn't want to lose a drinking buddy.

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:42

Please tell me you don't look up to this man

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:42

Father of the year ! :D No but seriously that's rude.

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:42

At least he's ok with you going out to party. I mean it's bad that you found yourself an alcoholic. Try to drink lots of water to replace the alcohol

SweetasCandy0609 28

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:58

that's the problem he isn't supporting OP at all he's saying to not quit drinking which isn't what OP needs OP needed for him to support her not tell her to keep partying.

assassinbanana0 20

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Monday 9 March 2015 19:00

If OP feels he is an alcoholic, his father shouldn't try to convince him to keep drinking. He should support OP

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Monday 9 March 2015 19:46

#6 do you know what an alcoholic is? Doesn't mean you like drinking. It means you can't live without it.. It's a disease. Trying to replace it with water is probably not going to cure that.

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Monday 9 March 2015 19:59

#6, Replace it with water? Are you serious? I would think addiction would at least be better understood than this.

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Monday 9 March 2015 21:58

Welcome to FML, where drinking water cures everything and everything that can't be cured by drinking water is a character flaw :D

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Monday 9 March 2015 23:52

54, FML sounds a lot like Navy boot camp.

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 7:02

I was trying to say that at least OP can go out to party with their parent(s) permission. Some people can't and it sucks for them. Anyway about the water, I'm not saying that water "magically" replaces the alcohol, it should be something that OP should drink more of so that there wouldn't be a withdrawal or even a mild one. Holy shit all of you are animals. Fuckin process the information a little bit

countryb_cth 38

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 11:08

#70 You do realize you said replace the alcohol with water. That is not enough information and you made it sound as if replacing the alcohol with water would magicly help. Get off your high horse.

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Tuesday 10 March 2015 15:47

Drinking more water in no way will assist with the withdrawal. It will keep them hydrated but that's about it. It won't lessen the symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. You're follow up made your initial comment more ridiculous instead of clarifying or validating it.

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:43

Not something to sit down over a beer to discuss.

Moklon 18

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:58

"Can't we just settle this over a pint?"

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:43

Well then...not exactly the response you'd expect.

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:43

He cares more about you being the "life of the party" than being healthy? Wow.

Cozy_Blanket 16

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Monday 9 March 2015 23:00

Maybe she's his wingman?

wvcheesehead 13

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Monday 9 March 2015 18:45

I pictured Crocodile Dundee saying that.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 102

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 289