Kids: Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 88

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 1 183

24/02/2011 06:39

Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 915

You deserved it 36 731

Taking stock

Own it

Vulture

16/11/2010 22:43

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me to Google how to last longer in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 747

You deserved it 11 586

24/04/2015 21:46

Today, a cute, new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 247

You deserved it 4 023

26/08/2009 20:31

Today, my little sister recieved a fairy costume from my aunt. She put it on and waves her wand at me. She said,"Abra cadabra bibbity poo. I wish Sydney was pretty." When I did nothing, she put her hands on her hips and says,"Cant you just act pretty?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 162

You deserved it 5 455

19/11/2015 22:10

Spicy

Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 925

You deserved it 2 288

14/09/2015 18:20

Spicy

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 492

You deserved it 2 375

14/02/2011 07:11

Today, after dealing with tons of drama and working a 14 hour shift, I took a shower. When I stepped out, a weak spot in the floor gave way. While falling through the floor I grabbed the toilet tank lid, which fell into the tank and broke it. Now my leg hurts and the bathroom's flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 014

You deserved it 3 172

11/09/2016 05:52

Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 129

You deserved it 1 067

28/08/2010 04:54

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 329

You deserved it 39 073

28/02/2010 14:26

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he was going to make it to our first child's Christening as there was a football match on at the same time. Without hesitating, he replyed that he would just watch the recording. He meant the recording of the Christening. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 409

You deserved it 6 368

Mind your own business

By :(( - 30/05/2013 21:18

Today, in a public restroom, an elderly lady started bitching me out for not washing my hands. I was so intimidated that I did so under her accusing watch. I'm quite intolerant to many soaps, and I now have a horrible rash on my left hand because I was too frightened to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 735

You deserved it 18 196

26/06/2014 00:20

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 581

You deserved it 27 579

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that most of the people I work with secretly refer to me as the "designated bottom" because they assumed from my slight stature and soft spoken personality that I was a submissive homosexual. My wife thinks it’s hilarious and keeps grabbing my ass to make me jump in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 231

19/08/2013 05:41

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 278

You deserved it 3 039

27/12/2018 14:00

Today, someone I've been crushing on admitted they're attracted to me too. We hooked up, but now she says we can't date because she is already dating someone. I feel terrible for them, and now know she isn't the kind of person I thought she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 462

16/04/2009 22:06

Today, I found my phone under the car seat after three days. I flipped it open ready to issue apologies to everyone who had tried to get in touch with me and I had worried. No missed calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 820

You deserved it 10 270

29/05/2016 02:20

Today, my mom was "that" customer at the local drive-thru. She slipped into attention whore mode and bitched the guy out for not giving us extra fries. He said she didn't ask for any, which was true. Instead of apologizing, she swore at him and floored the gas, sending our drinks spilling all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 928

You deserved it 1 731

26/04/2012 12:08

Spicy

Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 785

You deserved it 2 933

01/06/2009 18:49

Today, I was working as a waitress at this pub. It was dead. After 4 hours I had only made 5$ in tips. A friendly couple came in and complimented EVERYTHING down to the freshness of the lemons in their tea. The bill came to $50. They left me a $5 gift card to starbucks. I don't drink coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 568

You deserved it 7 637

So special

By Anonymous - 18/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend gave me the best birthday ever, then promptly broke up with me at midnight to get back with his ex, because he "didn't want to ruin my special day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 111

13/01/2009 10:06

Today, my portfolio manager called me and said he had invested all of my retirement in Circuit City. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 678

You deserved it 3 092

Nice neighborhood

By Frustrated - 03/01/2014 02:24

Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 444

You deserved it 3 676

27/12/2010 02:29

Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 209

You deserved it 2 840

18/02/2009 03:22

Spicy

Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 902

You deserved it 21 429

07/01/2011 05:46

Today, I had to walk three miles home from work. Both my parents were at home. The reason they wouldn't collect me is apparently because I've "gotten so fat, your grandma cried after she saw you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 372

You deserved it 25 761

The eyeball zone

By crazylobster - 14/11/2009 16:52

Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote, "I also have an eye.", instead of, "I also have an eye for detail", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 520

You deserved it 31 509

21/07/2009 05:38

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 416

You deserved it 30 575

30/05/2012 05:46

Spicy

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 921

You deserved it 8 419

28/03/2009 00:24

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 297

You deserved it 149 155

Connecting people

By sam - 02/12/2020 23:01

Today, I learned that the person my ex-girlfriend left me for is my ex-girlfriend from before her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 121

Clout goblins

By Anonymous - 24/06/2021 13:01

Today, I'm 6 months pregnant with my first child and excited. My brother and his girlfriend announced they're getting married… on my due date. They refuse to change the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 196

You deserved it 163

A Dog's Love = Priceless

By Sudokori - 29/08/2017 20:00

Today, I bought a lottery ticket. Two hours ago, I found out that the ticket was worth $100. Five minutes ago, I found my dog eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 316

You deserved it 624

Preventive measures

By Anonymous - 14/04/2021 23:03

Today, a year after I moved out with no contact since, my former housemates texted me out of the blue to tell me I'm not invited to their wedding. Seems she thought I'd just turn up and "embarrass" myself. I never indicated that I intended or even wanted to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 68

I'm a mess

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 23:01

Today, I went in to return a pack of socks. The cashier told me I couldn't return them. Then, I thought that she hadn't given the unreturnable socks back to me, even though she had, so I ended up getting all hormonal and angry over their return policy. When I got home, my mom got on my case too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 1 222

04/11/2012 17:12

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 669

You deserved it 13 533

08/09/2017 16:00

Today, my mom yelled at me for fighting with my younger brother. Not because she wanted us to stop, but because my brother couldn't find a good comeback to my argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 391

You deserved it 248

03/01/2015 21:16

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 692

You deserved it 2 908

23/09/2013 06:15

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 993

You deserved it 3 428

12/01/2011 13:29

Today, I was driving when I saw a spider hanging from the ceiling of my car. I'm terrified of spiders, so I was watching it instead the road. When I looked back at the road, I had just enough time to swerve to miss the fire hydrant but not the tree. Even the cop laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 088

You deserved it 32 135

14/03/2012 07:33

Today, I got pulled over for drunk driving. This is the second time its happened. I was completely sober both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 359

You deserved it 16 465

09/12/2014 05:45

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 273

You deserved it 2 649

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Top comments

flamegrilled123 3

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:18

don't embarrass kids like that

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:25

oh God, you're one of THOSE mums!

Comments

needleinmypants_fml 3

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:17

don't take crap from idiot teachers. although ydl fot shouting.

Thursday 24 February 2011 16:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

asbmf 7

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:39

6, you seem to be missing the point of this website. Besides, your big problem doesn't make other people's smaller problems nonexistent.

EricTheodoreCart_fml 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 17:09

SCREW YOU HIPPY

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Thursday 24 February 2011 17:27

yeah man, your life sucks. since you wanna put random comments like that my mom is dead and I'm 14.

Shootamonkey3 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 17:47

And I'm part dog!

Shootamonkey3 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 17:48

And I'm pretty sure #6 would be crying his ass off instead of sitting his ass on the computer at this site. Nice try #6.

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Thursday 24 February 2011 18:54

#6, comments like yours are the cancer of FML.

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Thursday 24 February 2011 19:35

If you're old enough to have children, you're plenty old enough to know how to behave appropriately at a performance. Considering that you thought it was okay to shout out your child's name to announce your arrival, you're probably guilty of other performance faux pas, including: talking through the performance, answering or making cell phone calls, blocking other attendee's view of the performance so you can film or photograph, creating disruptions by entering and exiting the auditorium during the performance versus waiting until the intermission, standing instead of sitting in your chair (rule suspended at rock concerts), and calling attention to yourself by whooping, whistling, calling out, or vigorous waving/jumping up and down or other disrupting behavior. In other words, when you go to a performance, sit down and shut up.

AnagenisisZagus 13

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Thursday 24 February 2011 20:49

#6- Frankly, I could care less for your pity gouging fest. That is a sad ordeal, but coming here to pout is unnecessary. This is their FML. You don't like it? Too damn bad. The point of this website is not sharing a life changing experience but the small woes of the day.

DoubleEdgedBlade 4

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Thursday 24 February 2011 21:03

6 - If you're gonna be like that, write your own FML. Here, I'll help you get a start: "Today, I found out my mom has cancer. FML" feel free to add to it.

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Friday 25 February 2011 0:09

fuck off shut the fuck up, horrible fml.fucking stupid lady deserves it. lay off 6 you fucking assholes

Ronniieeambrose 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 1:13

WELL SOMBODYS ANGRY TODAAY..

SchiTzenGiglez 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 5:12

word

CommonSenseKarma 17

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Friday 25 February 2011 5:55

novair, I feel terrible! Tell her to tell Jesus I said hi. If she goes the other way, ask her to tell Satan I said SUCK ON IT

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Friday 25 February 2011 8:40

OP JUST SHUT UP AND SUCK!

slow_cheetah101 0

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Tuesday 28 June 2011 20:28

wtf does that have to do with anything? yeah it sucks that your mom has cancer and all but that doesn't mean you have to go onto FML and go around commenting that you have worse problems. it's really immature.

flamegrilled123 3

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:18

don't embarrass kids like that

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Thursday 24 February 2011 18:12

I doubt the teacher thought she was a student. He probably was just pissed off that anyone would do that so he yelled. My musical teacher would.

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:18

YDI. And it's more like F your kid's L. WTF?

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:21

your son must be so proud of you lol

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Friday 25 February 2011 2:20

haha especially since his mom looks like a teenager to teachers

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:21

Why would you yell his name?! YDI and you totally embarrassed or son!

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Thursday 24 February 2011 18:58

I think you answered your own question with that statement there.

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:24

why would you do that anyway? :P

Brutalsecurity 4

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:25

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Alleged_Cranium 7

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Thursday 24 February 2011 17:09

SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!!

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:25

oh God, you're one of THOSE mums!

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:26

lmao!

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:27

Only in the American South would someone think it's appropriate to do some trashy/ghetto shit like that. YDI

briidontgive_ 0

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Sunday 27 February 2011 3:01

#11 that was rude u need an asswhoppin for that

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Thursday 3 January 2013 6:32

Obvious troll is trolling obviously

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:28

If your going to act like a little kid then expect to get treated like one. YDI

thisismyname_fml 1

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Thursday 24 February 2011 16:51

Exactly. If a teacher who spends his/her time around obnoxious, unruly high schoolers all day thinks your behavior is easily mistakable for theirs, you're doing something wrong.